Why we lose friends in our 20s…

*some Emeli Sande to serenade your hearts and minds perhaps?*

I remember when I wrote 10 things every 20-something girl should know and how you, my amazing readers, thought that it was an interesting read.

Well here’s another one of those list thingamajigs my lovelies.

Hello my darlings.

Have I missed simply talking to you? YES.

Have I missed ranting and raving about anything and everything? YES.

Have I missed the love an affection that comes with writing to an audience that is not in my line of sight? HELL YEAH!!!

So let’s get to it then, shall we?


(I insist on 20s because it’s at this stage of growth that we realize that well…life happens and people happen as well.)


1. People change.

Everyone including yourself is changing; actually growing up. In this age-decade, we really have no strong idea of who we are so we look for what makes the most sense at the moment. We gravitate towards what seems to befit our lives and makes us satisfied so If there exist people who don’t fit with the mould, they are taken off the list; we bid them adieu.

heart and life

2. People move.

Sometimes, our friends relocate. I don’t mean to a town or another city that’s a bus/train ride away; i’m talking country and/or continent. Hard as it is to accept, at one point or another, you have to come to terms with the fact that you’ll probably never live in the same city or country ever again. So you need to decide whether or not the friendship is worth continuing.

3. Lifestyle changes.

There’s always that crowd of people who were/ are your turn-up buddies. So if at one point in time we decide to get off that daily turn-up and getting mashed any time you get the chance, it pretty obvious that the friendship will end on its own terms. Your “crew” will possibly refer to you as boring or “grandma”  the latter of which shouldn’t even be an insult. Who wouldn’t want to be as wise and as well-loved as a grandmother?

You get what I mean here though.

4. Relationships.

This obviously has to make an appearance. It’s all about being human. When one party ends up in an amazing relationship, surrounded with love and eventually encase themselves in that cocoon, the friendship will suffer. This is due to resentments and a feeling of being left out because you no longer spend time together. Most times, this should NOT be an obstacle, unless maybe the new significant other expressly tells them not to hang out with you…in which case, just wait it out. If, however, this is not the scenario, I believe it would be best to simply fade away and discover newer paths. The time spent resenting could be put to much better use.

live and love

5. Schedules.

I know all about schedules. This is such a scapegoat of a reason that you should be ashamed for even using this one. It may only apply to the weaker friendships though. If this has been the force behind a friendship break-up then simply realize that whoever that friend was, simply was in your life out of sheer convenience. It’s sad but true. Different/ busy schedules would never lead to loss of friends simply because they’ll always be a phone call or text away. My best friend knows this all too well.  :D :D

6.  Fights

They happen all the time. People get annoyed, tears may be shed, fists may fly faster than you can say theafricangirl, feelings get hurt, emotions reign supreme and egos…these huge egos get bruised=> The usual casualties of a fight. The only way this would lead to the severing of a -ship is if too much time passes before the reconciliation process happens. You see, in earlier years of our lives (high school, middle/primary school, kindergarten) if you get into a fight with your friend, you’ll eventually have to hash it over because you’ll be very likely to see them sooner rather than later. In our 20s, it’s an entirely different ballgame. You may choose not to go out and find the said friend in order to make like Koffi Annan and restore the peace through verbal communication and more often than not, you’ll not cross paths in years. After a while, some regret will check in, but by then it may be too late to make amends so you have to let the -ship sail for good.

7. simply because they are toxic. hazardous.


Well, I think this last one is pretty self-explanatory. If your friend encourages you to do things that you normally would never even think of doing, to be someone who everyone else sees as different(and not the good kind of different), who leads to your slow but sure destruction, who doesn’t really build you up but instead removes the very foundation on which you stand,,,you my dear, have some toxic beings in your life, and it would be completely positive for you to let them go.

TOXIC- Yael Naim

how coolio is this rendition of Britney Spears’ toxic? Love it.

That’s a couple of the reasons I could think of.

P.s. seeing as one man’s meat is another man’s poison, I believe y’all should understand that you possibly fall into one or more of these categories listed. So don’t think yourself as the one that’s always being wronged, we wrong others as well. (let he who is without sin be the first to cast the stone).

live and live

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,


*Mapenzi.Love* :)


“Raise you like a phoenix”

(Fall Out Boy_ Phoenix)


Saying NO is always the easier option.

Choosing to think of the negative is always simpler.

Deciding to pick on the weak links is closer, right?

Opting to avoid the risks,

Digging holes in the ground to hide our faces.

Dark over light always wins in some people’s view.

I never understood why…

Until very recently that is.

It’s easier to let your thoughts consume you

And I realized that thinking is much like a never ending spiral.

One thought leads to another and one after that and it spirals out of control.

We are human, yeah?

We love to be in control of anything we come into contact with.

We are determined to try and alter nature to a form that we can rule.

And what happens when that doesn’t go according to plan?

We simply give up or deny or do anything that is beyond the positive.

We choose to deny simply because it’s harder to accept that which goes not according to our vision.

We pick dark over light because we are somehow inclined to that which gives comfort to our failure…

…because misery loves company.

We opt to seek solitude.

So the stages go from denial to over-thinking to self-loath to depression…

But isn’t it amazing how we’re supposed to rise up and accept our fate and move on?


Fate. Interesting word this one.

Do you believe in fate?

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t.

We control the outcome of our actions,

And with that said, we also determine our own destiny.

If we choose to live based on the negatives then who are you to complain when you’re labelled a pessimist?

Or if it’s the positives, an optimist would be your title.

So I decided that in acceptance of a situation, you find relief.

Which would you rather: relief or that long downward spiral of negativity?


Your attitude is everything.

Your mistakes don’t make you neither do they break you.

They build your character.

They’re like busted prototypes that point out where you went wrong

so you get up, dust yourself off and try again.




…(part 4 of 4)…

Aaliyah – Try again.


So I was supposed to explain what prompted this four part series, non?

I will refrain from doing so because someone once said that:

“You should talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems”

Sometimes we sit down and examine our lives and concentrate on the few things that put us down albeit for a minute. We forget to appreciate the ever encompassing good in our lives and tend to put ourselves down way too much. We never realize that we have the power to rise above the negative…be it from within or from without.

I realized way back when that if you put down the thoughts that seemingly cause you unrest, whether on paper or virtually, your mind tends to find a release. So write the thought down and forget about it.

And with that, let’s do this acceptance shindig lovers and friends.

____Of the few things we can control, let’s take the lead and show life that we are stronger. _____

Positive vibes is the mantra.

Positive Thoughts,

Positive Feelings,

Positive Lives.


***P.s.  y’all should check out Gorgon City’s SIRENS album…it’s the beezneez***


All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,


*Mapenzi.Love* :)


Always A Lesson


I’m pacing up and down…

Same spot no progress.

The wear can be seen visibly yet i choose not to move.

I’m comfortable here.

I’m kinda sorta used to it here.

I’m not ready to move forward, back or sideways.

I won’t jump.

I won’t sleep nor lay down.

Is this the famous lack of motivation?

Or am I just really lazy?

Some say that you have to fight for those things that you want.

Fight the good fight.

That for which you fight, ought to be right.

Be the achiever that you’ve set your mind to be.

But what if the mind is not in it until it’s too late?

Until the opportunity is lost in the abyss like ink in water?

What then?

Because you can never be fully prepared for the failure bit.

Never be fully attuned to your expectations being shattered.

Noone really picks you up once you’re down and out.

But then again, noone tells you that you should be ready for disappointment.

Noone tells you not to be too hard on yourself.

Noone tells you that you should expect to fail though.

All they and yourself preach is that “i’ll get it the first time.”

And when reality checks in…

You want to run and hide.

But truth is, mistakes are made for a reason.

until youre broken

Learning from them is always the hardest part.

I have to put out my flame of pride to pick myself up off the ground?

I have to sit down and reflect on that failure?

I have to find a way to get back up?

With my own determination to push me forward?

Well, that’s not so hard.

Well, that’s not too bad.

Never a failure always a lesson right?



So learn I will…

Long arduous process but it must be done.

A million steps but all of them we must follow.

In order to live, we must grow.

In order to grow, we need to let go.

In order to let go, we need to know.


In order to reap we must first sow.


. . . (part 3 of  4) . . .


***Afterglow  by Wilkinson

Even though the dancing’s done,

Don’t worry cause the night is young

Who cares where we go

We’re ready for the afterglow.


All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,


*Mapenzi.Love* :)


Another “Vantage” Point

rabbit hol


i’ve been mentally abused.

My abuser? Someone that I know.

Someone that I see in the mirror each time I look into it.

Someone that i’m living life for but seems unappreciative.

Someone whose thoughts warrant my listening.

Someone whose approval I crave.

….That someone is ME.

I hold enough power to destroy myself from within.

I stand at the best vantage point to do this and I do take advantage.

Because there’s no better way to destroy something than to kill it internally.

Kill is a strong word.

But it has to be said as is.

Am I too hard on myself?

Yes, I AM.


sword thoughts

How do you overcome this?

You can’t block out your thoughts can you?

So sometimes you end up lashing out at someone else;

Because they’ve said something that sounds insanely close to what you’ve been thinking,

Because they’re doing something that brought you back into the shell that is your thoughts,

Because they’ve finally discovered what a “nutcase” you are,

Because you’ve decided to link everything in a broad network of interconnected yet unrelated thoughts,

Because you’ve decided to do as they tend to call it “Overthinking”,

Because once something is put out into the universe, it can’t be taken back,

Because you would rather live in your own world than let other people in on your suffering,

Because you would rather not be the proverbial burden,

Because this thing called life always just goes on….

hanging on


*Reader Discretion. Some of the pieces i put up will leave you on the throes of a breakdown. But then again, once I’m done,  you will learn to realize that the little things to you tend to be the big things to other people.  Pace Yourselves.*

(part 2 of 4)

Like i said,, at the end of part 4,,,it shall be explained. so Indulge your minds …or not… :)


and just listen to this random song that is so coolo and hippy.esc:

 The Head And The Heart – Lost In My Mind


All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,


*Mapenzi.Love* :)


View From Within

ThomasI woke up one morning,

Eyes wide shut mouth widely yawning,

But something wasn’t right..

My light had gotten dimmer.

The darkness consumed me.

I’d felt the change from deep within.

A paradigm shift that was unseen.

My ball of positivity put out like a flame in the wind.

The hidden negativity came out to play.

I was weak.

My mind simply accepted the change and revelled in it.

Basked in the glory of the sadness that were my emotions.

One bad move after another.

Eating? Never that important.

Communication? Not very effective.

Happiness? Apparent only please.

Life? Is it worth it?

I used to hear talk about depression and think really?

But my mind can now comprehend exactly what that is.

The world is an unkind place.

You speak out and get called pretender.

You keep it in and get labelled the quiet emo.

You resort to painting your body and get called an attention seeker.

Worse still, you put on a fake smile and the world will not sense the loss of your happiness.

So you sit alone in the dark at night and cry.

But when crying gets too unfulfilling,

You turn to your body.

Find a sharp object so that you can have an outlet for all those pent up emotions and confusion.

First strike and the pain gives you a sense of freedom.

Second strike and the pain is like a drug.

On the third go, you feel better.

Then you tell yourself that this is the last time that you’ll paint your body.

Because it is art, isn’t it?

And we all love art don’t we?

The scars remind us of how bad it can get…

ergo, they also remind us of how good an artist we can be right?

**Oh right…not funny i suppose?**

I’ve learnt not to judge people for the things they do because who am i?

No really, WHO AM I?

and in what right am i to judge their actions without walking through their shoes?

Without actually going out of my way to find out the cause of their distress?

Without casting them aside saying, you know there are people out there with bigger problems?

Bigger problems?


Why do people tell you there are bigger problems out there?

So apparently because there are people out there with more serious problems then you shouldn’t feel burdened?

But they don’t tell you that you should never be happy because there’s someone out there feeling happier than you are, do they?


But my world shifted again and like a dove i feel free.

Happy and positive even.

Life can’t always be rainbows and butterflies.

Pain that runs way too deep.

I wish I had someone to talk to.

About nothing and everything.

Simply because my own thoughts are suffocating.

Introverts and extroverts alike.

All in the same boat.

So won’t you talk to me?

Call me and say a meaningless hello every now and then?

Simply don’t let me be alone with my thoughts.

.Part 1 of 4.

*Reader Discretion. Some of the pieces i put up will leave you on the throes of a breakdown. But then again, once I’m done,  you will learn to realize that it’s the little things that tend to matter the most.  Pace Yourselves.*

Whitney Houston _ Didn’t Know My Own Strength.

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,


*Mapenzi.Love* :)

Temporary Hiatus

So the other day I got to thinking  and I realized that I need a break.  Like an unscheduled break.  I’ve been thinking..
I’ve been thinking… Waduup Beyonce reference)
…. Hehehehehe.

Anywho my inspiration for the blog may have flown away unannounced.  I woke up like this one day and realized that I can’t keep writing stuff when my heart and mind are in two different places.  And so I’ve  decided to take a break from this blogging world… I’m a lost soul like I said in my previous post here: Things On My Mind
.. I’m floating through space and time with an air of indifference that’s pretty uncool and unsettling… I’ve simply just been going through the motions
.. I’m taking a mental break from this *gestures wildly at the blog page *… Temporarily  I must add though.


I’m completely sorry for not having put anything up in the past two months but now that you’re informed, my mind is at peace.

Got to get that brain juice and what not to keep you guys entertained.

Rest easy, dream sweet, love always and stay positive.


I’ll just be here waiting for my serendipity… That’s all.


See you soon my lovers of life.

The only way from here is UP and I’ll be back within no time…(p.s why does this phrase even exist? It hardly makes any sense…there’s no such thing as NO TIME bruuuh)


p.s. Pray for Gaza.


Your very own African Hippie,
From a cool corner in Nairobi,  Kenya,

Red velvet cake and kikoys and lessos, kisses, love, peace and positive vibes,

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

Things On My Mind



I’m confused because my mind is in a void,

Because I woke up in the morning to news of a fallen soldier.


I’m distressed,,,why am I still alive?

Yet a child that would’ve been greater than myself did not survive,

His body did not thrive.


My heart aches.

For the children in the streets,

That have a concrete floor for seats,

And lack proper bed sheets.


I’m amazed, at life that’s all there is.

Two polar opposites coming together for success.

Sorry I digress,

But then again, some things I must confess.

My life is not all rainbows and butterflies.

I’m a troubled soul with no salvation in sight,

I’m a troubled soul walking the earth surrounded by fellow troubled souls.



My brain is riddled with thoughts,

Thoughts that someone my age should not attract,

Company that someone my age is told to “subtract”,

With whom we shouldn’t interact.

But the heart wants what the heart wants, right?

Looking for love in all the wrong places,

Falling in defeat when the love you find is not that which you seek.

Yet out there,,,there’s hope that you’ll get stronger,

Become the survivor.

Make proud your mother.

Live to love


I need a castle in the sky,

To hide away when I need to simply lie,

there and do nothing,


I need a vacation from myself.

I need a vacation from this life.

I feel way too unlucky at this point in time.

I feel like I’m being reprimanded for a crime.

Like my life is suddenly sour-lime,

But then again, these are simply feelings.


I’m confused

Because my mind is in a void

Because I woke up to the news of a fallen soldier,

And that soldier, I now realize, is me.



But I’m all about those Positive Thoughts.

Positive Vibes.

Positive Auras.


It’s not your thoughts that determine who you are,

but what you do about those thoughts.


Katy Perry – Choose Your Battles



*Mapenzi.Love* :)





Beautiful faces,

Way too many places,

Years of divine paces,

Peace and unity have been her aces,

But to think that a couple of incidents have made her fall from her own graces?


Please, she’s a victim of bad decisions.

She’s a pawn in the wrong playing field.

She’s been dragged into a dispute without her shield.

She’s been brought out to do battle but without any weapon to wield.

She’s being thrust into a world that no-one understands…


War? Nobody’s going to war.

No-one stops to ask the question, what purpose is it for?

There’s never need for an uproar,

You’re not a lion so sit down on a cold floor…


and Meditate..

better yet appreciate.

The beauty that she has to offer.

The same that we choose to admire her for.


My Land is Kenya


Take  a trip to the Mara…

Look at her wildlife and the swara.

Go down to the coast

See for yourself why of the sandy white beaches she can boast.

What about Turkana?

I know it’s a bit deserted but you won’t look for manna.

They have resorts and out of this world experiences and you get to enjoy the fauna.

Hello Isiolo…

no no…no more y.o.l.o.

And Olepolos?

Tell me you haven’t been to indulge in the nyama choma and the ambiance that could have you doing singing solos.

And in the middle of this great nation?

So much greenery and calmness, rainforests and adventures waiting for your exploration.

Her lake side city,

Where remarks are ever so witty..

yeah, I’m talking about Kisumu City,

Where lake side restaurants are ever so pretty.


You know NaxVegas to some…

And Naivasha.

There’s only so much that this beautiful country has to offer,

I can’t describe it all because some I’ve yet to discover.

Or imply stay in Nairobi,

Check out her park and amazing skyline,

Beautiful from which ever side you see it she’ll still be fine,

Her mix of cultures, so divine.


It’s a pity,

That there’s always so much negativity,

revolving around this here country,

yet no-one’s willing to speak up about her sheer beauty.


So let’s take a journey.

For now, just don’t think about the money.

Traverse and discover the hidden treasures that she has to offer.




K-E-N-Y-A. #TembeaKenya


Camp Mulla – If You Believe


with love and affection,

written from the heart of this insanely beautiful country,

chicken choma, mukimo, githeri, tilapia fillet, nyama choma, tusker and all yummy goodness,



*Mapenzi.Love* :)

*the images used in this post are courtesy of Google.*

Memoires Of A Younger Sister


Dear Big Sister,


Having an elder sister such as yourself to provide an amazing beacon of hope for me through my formative years is simply godsend.

I’ll forever be grateful for the random times we shared and will share together.

When I was younger and had nightmares, it was your bed that I would jump into.

When I was in primary school looking lost and tiny, you introduced me to your group of friends and I was everyone’s little sister for a couple of years…yeah,,, I knew class eights when I was in class one so bullies didn’t stand a chance.

When I’d selected schools to go to for either secondary or university, mum would say that you had the same choices in mind…which can only be possible because we share that sister-sister telepathy.


I remember when I used to steal your clothes and wear them outside because all I had in my closet were shorts, t-shirts and sweatpants…none of the pretty pretty tops and dresses… and when you found out, you’d get so mad and then I would tell you that I hadn’t taken them. And then hours later you would have forgiven me and all was right with the world again…until the next petty fight we’d have. An endless cycle.


All my friends, back then, knew who you were and at any one point in time, if they saw you outside they would rush back and tell me “I saw your sister and she said Hi to me”.


So many girls out there with sisters, cry foul and complain that they grew up in their sister’s shadow…but that has never come into my mind.

I was born into a world that you had already taken over by storm and a couple of years later a tiny kinky haired baby girl was set in-front of your path and the universe told you to lead her the right way…a protege of sorts.


It didn’t take you too long to claim that I was your own kid. Mum probably used to sit and laugh as she watched how you handled the “doll(Me)” and stole my cerelac(yes, I have heard this story….) and it had to be replaced with mashed pumpkins. (eeeeeew).



There’s never enough words to express all these years of surviving on this earth with an amazing role-model as yourself.


You protected me from my brothers when they forgot the fact that I was a girl and partly fragile when it comes to being hit in the face by a football.


Sharing your things with me was a mandatory(because little sister privilege) but that changed over the years and now I’m the one who gets annoyed because you took my stuff without asking…and then I later stop to think and I realize that “Hey, you’re my sister,,,I used your stuff through half of my life so returning the favor is a given(because karma/law of the universe)”.


You sparked my love for life, music(ok, maybe not neo-soul though), beauty and all things enriching to the soul. Like the moon to a lost soul in the dark, you were my guide through the years.


When I think of courage, I think of you. When I think of love, I think of you. When I think of respect, I think of you.

But you probably already know this.

Where your life is at, is how I see my life in a couple of years.

I’ll always look up to you.


The first girl(notice i said girl and not woman because that spot is for mummy)…so the first girl I knew was my best-friend even when I played with boys and came home with clothes caked in mud instead of playing doll house with the other girls.


Though that changed when we became sort-of obsessed with Gilmore girls and sister-sister(remember Tia and Tamera)


You’ll always accept me regardless because you know that when it comes down to it, you fit the meaning of “MY RIDE OR DIE Chick“.


And so you’ll probably read this in the office and start gushing and whatever,,,nope,,,I’ll not say this to your face just so you know. And I shall act as I always do,,,with the mindset that emotions are “icky” and should never be shown. However, gifts are accepted,,,jewellery, shoes. Thanks. ;)


I’ll say this quietly and so softly you might never hear it because I hope you already know. I’ll say it in the way I worry for you when you haven’t been in contact for a while. I’ll say it at night when I whisper your blessings into the darkness that swallows up my words. I’ll say nothing at all because there’s nothing left when you try to articulate something more than gratitude.


Just know that I shall forever love you, and I approve of all that makes you happy because infinitely it makes me happy as well in a round about way.


I used to despise being called your little sister but now that I’ve discovered the real gem that it is growing up with a treasure such as yourself, the name can stay.



With love,

Your little-not-so-little sister,

Your annoying younger sister that all your friends insist is ever the sweetheart,

That little girl who considers you her mentor/role model/I wanna be like you when I grow up,



*Disclaimer: It was one of those sentimental mornings and I simply felt like I needed to acknowledge such a pillar of positivity and awesomeness. Blame it on the oestrogen.



Sister Sister soundtrack


The Cheetah Girls -Sisters

Our spots are different
Different colors
We make each other stronger
That ain’t ever gonna change



*Mapenzi.Love* :)

I Woke Up To This

I woke up to this comment someone left regarding the previous blog-post: Provoke Your Thoughts :

“My answer for No. 20 Is a definite YES. I look at the people living in Africa and my heart goes out to them…such little civilization and struggling to live each day, not knowing where they’ll get water or food. This really made me re-evaluate my life.


I’m shaking my head in disappointment right now. I suppose this beautiful reader is new to these talks about Africa. Have they been to the continent? Naaah,,,just the same way I’ve never been to their country of origin but I don’t assume things. :)


I won’t leave your comments there, on the post, because I know there are people who go onto the internet solely to look-up “misinformed” comments and get into arguments in-front of their laptop/PC/iPad screens. Say NO to cyber bullying.



Just get your facts right.

It’s never fun to look ignorant on the internet.

Little civilization? I’m sorry,,,you read this blog off the internet…it’s mind boggling how it got there if i live in a place of little civilization. :)

I won’t correct you because there’s probably a multitude of guys just like you out there with the same thoughts and stands and it really wouldn’t make a difference.

Happy that you re-evaluated your life,,,that’s always a plus. :)

Hakuna Matata yo. :)


Kofi Annan once said that:

“Knowledge is power, Information is liberating, Education is the premise of progress, in every society and in every family. “


Because music is what keeps us moving. :)

Clean Bandit- Rather Be.


and then there’s a cool cover done by some cool kid I may or may not know: acoustic, amazing voices, hello….#SeeYourLife

John Kyalo – Rather Be Cover

With that,




essere felici – be happy.

love, fried chicken, cheese(melted and stringy), red velvet cake, cookies and cream, orange juice, hakuna matata,


*Mapenzi.Love* :)