*some Emeli Sande to serenade your hearts and minds perhaps?*
I remember when I wrote 10 things every 20-something girl should know and how you, my amazing readers, thought that it was an interesting read.
Well here’s another one of those list thingamajigs my lovelies.
Hello my darlings.
Have I missed simply talking to you? YES.
Have I missed ranting and raving about anything and everything? YES.
Have I missed the love an affection that comes with writing to an audience that is not in my line of sight? HELL YEAH!!!
So let’s get to it then, shall we?
WHY DO WE LOSE FRIENDS IN OUR 20s?
(I insist on 20s because it’s at this stage of growth that we realize that well…life happens and people happen as well.)
1. BECAUSE LIFE HAPPENS
1. People change.
Everyone including yourself is changing; actually growing up. In this age-decade, we really have no strong idea of who we are so we look for what makes the most sense at the moment. We gravitate towards what seems to befit our lives and makes us satisfied so If there exist people who don’t fit with the mould, they are taken off the list; we bid them adieu.
2. People move.
Sometimes, our friends relocate. I don’t mean to a town or another city that’s a bus/train ride away; i’m talking country and/or continent. Hard as it is to accept, at one point or another, you have to come to terms with the fact that you’ll probably never live in the same city or country ever again. So you need to decide whether or not the friendship is worth continuing.
3. Lifestyle changes.
There’s always that crowd of people who were/ are your turn-up buddies. So if at one point in time we decide to get off that daily turn-up and getting mashed any time you get the chance, it pretty obvious that the friendship will end on its own terms. Your “crew” will possibly refer to you as boring or “grandma” the latter of which shouldn’t even be an insult. Who wouldn’t want to be as wise and as well-loved as a grandmother?
You get what I mean here though.
This obviously has to make an appearance. It’s all about being human. When one party ends up in an amazing relationship, surrounded with love and eventually encase themselves in that cocoon, the friendship will suffer. This is due to resentments and a feeling of being left out because you no longer spend time together. Most times, this should NOT be an obstacle, unless maybe the new significant other expressly tells them not to hang out with you…in which case, just wait it out. If, however, this is not the scenario, I believe it would be best to simply fade away and discover newer paths. The time spent resenting could be put to much better use.
I know all about schedules. This is such a scapegoat of a reason that you should be ashamed for even using this one. It may only apply to the weaker friendships though. If this has been the force behind a friendship break-up then simply realize that whoever that friend was, simply was in your life out of sheer convenience. It’s sad but true. Different/ busy schedules would never lead to loss of friends simply because they’ll always be a phone call or text away. My best friend knows this all too well. :D :D
They happen all the time. People get annoyed, tears may be shed, fists may fly faster than you can say theafricangirl, feelings get hurt, emotions reign supreme and egos…these huge egos get bruised=> The usual casualties of a fight. The only way this would lead to the severing of a -ship is if too much time passes before the reconciliation process happens. You see, in earlier years of our lives (high school, middle/primary school, kindergarten) if you get into a fight with your friend, you’ll eventually have to hash it over because you’ll be very likely to see them sooner rather than later. In our 20s, it’s an entirely different ballgame. You may choose not to go out and find the said friend in order to make like Koffi Annan and restore the peace through verbal communication and more often than not, you’ll not cross paths in years. After a while, some regret will check in, but by then it may be too late to make amends so you have to let the -ship sail for good.
7. simply because they are toxic. hazardous.
Well, I think this last one is pretty self-explanatory. If your friend encourages you to do things that you normally would never even think of doing, to be someone who everyone else sees as different(and not the good kind of different), who leads to your slow but sure destruction, who doesn’t really build you up but instead removes the very foundation on which you stand,,,you my dear, have some toxic beings in your life, and it would be completely positive for you to let them go.
TOXIC- Yael Naim
how coolio is this rendition of Britney Spears’ toxic? Love it.
That’s a couple of the reasons I could think of.
P.s. seeing as one man’s meat is another man’s poison, I believe y’all should understand that you possibly fall into one or more of these categories listed. So don’t think yourself as the one that’s always being wronged, we wrong others as well. (let he who is without sin be the first to cast the stone).
All my love,
Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,
From a cool little corner of Nairobi,