So i’ve had a moment of deep and serious epiphany right now….Why didn’t I call that first post: My Circle(1) _______A Semi Circle? Sigh. I’m hopeless, non?
But it’s heeeeeeerrrrreeeeeeee. The
moment sorry post you’ve all been waiting for.
One two, make a circle,
three four, a big circle.
A big circle like a sufuria.
In the last post there was a lot about knowing yourself yeah?
Now i’ll delve a little into the world of those in your circle. I can’t tell you what steps to take to choose because it’s life my dove. You need to navigate the ocean of people to catch the yacht before it drifts away with your essence in it.
(Don’t ask me to elaborate my sayings, just acknowledge that they’ve been said.)
The other day I went to a Creative Shindig called Fatuma’s Voice…stop drop and roll. I knew there was spoken word out there but yooooo!!!!!! A whole new level was discovered that eve-night.
The relevance of this statement isn’t for “my life is cooler than yours” shenanigans. It’s the people I came across that are of substance.
I found like-minded people, a select few that I wouldn’t mind getting together for deeper discussions about life and all that it has to offer.
Who is in your circle?
1. Do you have similar goals in mind?
You need to figure out whether or not these elements of your circle have a similar goal in mind. This doesn’t mean that they need to be studying to be great lawyers just like you are or they want to be brilliant hackers so you also need to understand the deeper layers to Java and C++ just to be in their crowd.
I’m talking about success.
Are they motivators or demotivators at the right time? Would they let you know how hard they are working to achieve a certain goal? Are your conversations also inclusive of what you’ll be doing once you graduate and not just about how much you need to go out for a couple of drinks because it’s been a while?
Do they openly tell you when they think an idea you have in mind isn’t going to add up to much and if so, do they give an alternative or do they just tell you “You’re going to fail” and walk away leaving you down in the dumps?(I shall share more about this in a few paragraphs).
Do the elements of your circle only talk about their dreams and how they wish they had certain things yet they do nothing about it so many years down the line? I’m not saying dreams are not valid(seriously, check out the post about dreams, HERE-It’ll be ours) However, there’s a difference between daring to dream and dreaming to dare, the steps you take toward achieving your dreams are what count the most really. I have a friend (a couple of friends actually) that have dreamt of being pilots since they were younger, and the steps they’re taking to get to that level, yo! The validity of Dreams is only palpable in the direction of your actions.
2. Does your circle put you down in order to build themselves up?
Recall the statement about negative comments/ criticism somewhere up there? Let’s deal with it.
They say that “You know you’re doing something great when there’s people trying to dissuade you from pursuing it.” This can clearly be taken out of context but humour me for now.
I know there’s people we keep in our lives just because of the length of time we’ve known them for(Don’t shamelessly ask me about how I had earlier said that I form ties for life). Some of these people are the “Let’s see if she’ll fail type”. Sad but true.
If you have people in your circle who constantly bring in the negative. The nagging conscience that never brings any good fortune afterwards. The type that see you as competition, in what race? I have yet to figure it out but competition no less.
How long will you let yourself be put down just so they’re comfortable?
I call it comfortably toxic relationships.
There’s only so long you can go with blocking their thoughts and comments out but do you want to end up regretting it a few years down the line after you’ve missed countless opportunities to grow? Because we are aiming to grow I should hope? To be better versions of ourselves each day.
I read this post on one of my random, few and wide in between, facebook browse-capades(not a real word but deal with it). It was about a girl, I think, who has a friend that verbally attacked her and when an observer was offering her comfort as she shed her tears of hurt, all she said was that “It’s OK. She didn’t mean it.” (Found it: Elizabeth Gilbert authored this little tale…so if you have the time and patience, do check her Facebook page for interesting posts that focus on life and living it.)
How coincidental is it that I spotted that just as I’m compiling this post about circles and semi-circles?
Point of all this is that, if you have to keep coming to someone’s defence for how sourly they treat you, then my dove, is there a point to keeping that negative energy in your life? Error is to human just green is to the leaves of a tree but even during the summer, these same leaves turn yellow and brown….so you shouldn’t stick to the errors of your ways.
3. Do you allow yourselves to grow?
I keep repeating the same words: growth and energy. I hope I don’t sound like a broken record here.
In life, the social nature of a human being dictates that there will always be a desire to change; be it yourself, your career, your mind, your life, your friends. So it only goes to predict that somewhere along the line, a rift can show up in a friendship when this desire comes along. Would your circle allow you to spread your wings and be part of yet another circle? Or will they pull a “No new friends” / “It’s them or us” or shun you when you let them know about the other circle?
(first off dear internet, who did this? secondly, how cool is this?)
Do circles make you a better person? Do they tear you down before building you up? Do they act as a barrier between yourself and the growth potential that is budding within you?
(p.s remember multiple parts aka series vibe I have going on here…do expect another i.e. the finale of this My Circle series soon.)
Second instalment. Watch this space my doves.
Hellos and How are yous…I skipped this at the beginning. I’m sorry *hugs*
**The Circle of Life***
From a cool little corner of Nairobi,
with love and love and friendly vibes galore,