Behind The Smile(4)


Back at it again.

Hey there beautiful souls. Are we doing alright? I hope so.

Are we still following the series? I hope so. Never know when this information comes in handy.

.Depression.

This post is about How to deal.

.How to deal.(for the person going through depression)

Smile. I found this quote on the glorious internet about how a smile eases any situation; but smiling to yourself, in the mirror, goes a long way. It’s like a reset button for your brain…much like crying. Release the endorphins. Feel your own glow.

stop and smile

Redirect your thoughts. Recall a few happy moments in your life. Take yourself back to that time, put yourself in your own shoes, why were you laughing? why were you so happy? why that memory in particular? Replay it through and through. Was it a person who made you feel that way? Was it an object? Recall those feelings and that setting in its entirety, recall and relive the moment. People tell you to stop living in the past, but sometimes you realize that the past is exactly what you need to get you through the present.

Distract yourself. I know what you’re thinking. Distractions = Drugs or something that will cause you harm in the future. BUT no. A distraction is another way to redirect your thoughts. Keep a music playlist handy for such down moments you know those songs that keep your blood pumping or make you feel relaxed? The jams that make you question the lyrics? Keep a playlist of songs filled with these. Read a book; see your mindset will switch from the present to the life you’re following in the novel, to the characters in the book. Watch a movie. Shift your mindset.

Take a walk…or sit outside where the air flows freely. The universe has a way of gifting those who seek its rewards. Breath. Breath. Just breath. Take in the environment outside. Look at the leaves. Stare at the sky. Find your calm and throw yourself into it. Get out of bed, find natural light outside and simply glow.

Find an outlet. So, all these sound familiar, non? They’re really not the same. I promise. Find an outlet. Journal. I’ve learnt that writing down the thoughts that run wild in your mind dispels them from that space. You write down everything; you can do it physically or online on a private/anonymous blog or something. Just write. They don’t have to be well put together paragraphs or sound like magnificent poetry but write anyway. Let it all out. It’s the release that you’re looking for. When you focus your thoughts on words flowing through your fingers, it’s therapeutic. Cook up a storm, bake until your kitchen can put the witch’s house in Hansel and Gretel to shame.

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Talk to someone. This is different from reaching out though. This simply involves talking to someone who lifts up your mood. They really don’t need to know exactly what you’re going through but sometimes, you need a good laugh. I have a bunch of people who I call or text once in a while, and we can laugh for hours on the phone. It’s “meaningless” not necessarily “important” banter but it releases the good feels. Tell someone to shower you with compliments; ask someone to tell you a good memory they have of you; seek for the good vibes and they will seek to be found by you. It calms the thoughts. It restores the clarity that you’re unable to navigate through on your own.

It heals.

Reach out. Talk to someone who won’t provide judgement. Someone who will simply listen. Sometimes, you really just want another living breathing human being to listen to what’s going on in your mind. It’s hard at first to say even one word, but when it gets down to it, the banks break and the words literally flow out. Take the rope that’s offered to you whilst you drown. Take it.

Professional help. As I mentioned in Behind the Smile(1), depression is an illness and like many illnesses, someone who is attuned to dealing with it needs to help you through the hurdles. They know how to speak to you and through the fog that’s clouding your mind. They can filter their way through your thoughts, and although they may not understand exactly what you’re going through, the therapy works. The medication prescribed helps.

You’re looking to feel numb and that’s the one thing you need to avoid. Feeling numb. You seek to be an impenetrable object, but no. That’s not going to help you, it just traps the negativity inside you. It magnifies the feelings in your mind, they only intensify and that’s the last thing you need.

Don’t suffer in silence. Surround yourself with life. It could be people, a pet, flowers…anything that has life breathed into it. The energy you get from live things cannot be replicated by anything else. So get out there, feed off of the good vibes.

Man walking at sunset

Man walking down road at sunset

Be conscious of your triggers. A trigger is simply what causes your mind to shift into overdrive. It could be a situation, stress, someone, the weather; Just figure out what your trigger is and be ready for it. Arm yourself with positive vibes, when you’re unable to keep the feels at bay, then at least you’ll be able to handle it better. Understand yourself. Know how you feel during your highs (happy/ “normal”/ positive moments) and during your lows too (when you’re depressed). Listen to your body, and be in sync with your emotions and reactions every second of the day.

Be conscious of yourself.

Acknowledge that you are allowed to feel this way. Acknowledge that you are going through this depression. Hold fast to believing that you can overcome it; you’re a work of art, you are golden. Pressure your mind to understand and remember that you are not alone. You are not alone. You are never alone.

That’s the thing about emotional pain. You can’t say that it hurts here, get some medicine and you’re cured.

It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that.

You’re only human.

Remember that.

 

…. part four …. Behind the Smile(4)

Jessie J – Who You Are

I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
“Why am I doing this to myself?”
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.

Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It’s okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart.
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising,
Just be true to who you are!

 

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

Behind The Smile(3)


Hey my doves, New week, new found hope I should think?

The last two posts in this series were about “definitions” and symptoms….well, this one is about statistics and gender.

.Depression.

The stats and Chromosome XY:

It’s the inability to speak and reach out for help because you’re supposed to be man enough. Men don’t get phased by emotions. Men are hard core. As long as you have something that hangs between your legs and have reached puberty, petty things like talking about your feelings are supposed to be left to the female legion.

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I’m a man. I don’t need the support. I’ve got enough testosterone to take care of myself so this feeling clearly, I can handle with zero support.

I don’t want to be seen as a failure by reaching out.

I’m failing as a man when I seek help; when I feel suicidal.

It’s in the magazines. All I see is abs, best workouts, protein shakes, guys night that simply entail beer, chips and a sport. Advice columns run wild with how to get the girl, how to satisfy your partner, how to stay in the game. There’s a distinct absence of anything feelings related.

Man enough? Hard Core?

When i’m hanging with the mates we can talk about anything and everything but the second you bring up feels and how you possibly can’t cope, we run for the hills. We just cannot talk about that stuff with our boys.

When I’m talking to my spouse/girlfriend/female friends, we can talk about the feelings but not in-depth. Barring my soul in its entirety to the female sex? I’m not weak. It doesn’t help that when we finally get to the nitty gritty of the feelings talk, she just can’t handle it. I mean, you tell me all the time to get in touch with my feminine side “feelings” but when I do, you don’t know how to respond to me. So what’s the point anyway?

I’m not a sissy.

When I finally want to talk, noone wants to listen. Instead, they bring up their own points and try give advice when all we want is an ear…I just want to talk about it.

images

 

Sometimes I talk to my mother, said an 18 year old victim, he took his life a few years later. She gives the best advice, but mom, I don’t want advice, I want you to actually listen and not tell me that I’ll grow out of this. It’s just a phase you keep saying. But mom, I’ve been drowning on and off for a while now. Listen to me.

So I turn to something that will keep the “unmanly” feelings away. The beer, the late nights, the obsessing over work, the smoking, the girls. I’m trying to drown out the voices. To drown out the feeling of not having the balls or not being man enough. I’m trying to show that if I gym just enough, my muscles will make up for the emotional mess that I really am in.

Blot out all emotions. Block out signs of weakness. I’m a man.

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It doesn’t help that the male child has been on the back burner for a while as the world prioritizes the girl child.

Not all suicidal people are depressed, and not all depressed people are suicidal. Remember that.

I can’t pay my bills, I can’t get anything higher than a certain grade in school, my dad wants me to take over business and I’m not necessarily ready, my spouse passed on, my girlfriend left me or I left her, we’re physically apart for too long, how will I provide for my kids? What kind of father will they look up to? I’m the strong one, they can’t see my tears, they can’t catch sight of my defeat.

I’m a man.

Figure out the triggers. Be conscious of what your mind and body are trying to tell you and be conscious of those in your circle…seek to be involved, legit involved; no superficiality.

That’s the thing about emotional pain. You can’t say that it hurts here, get some medicine and you’re cured.

It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that.

You’re only human.

Remember that.

…. part three …. Behind the Smile(3)

Coldplay – Fix You

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones

I will try to fix you.

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

Behind The Smile (2)


To you all who asked for this to go up quick.

I hope you’re good my doves.

I didn’t realize it’s #DepressionAwarenessWeek….well, talk about coincidences.

stigma-800x445

.Depression.

How it manifests:

It’s the fear. Of not knowing exactly what your emotions are trying to tell you. Not understanding your current reality/ is it a misconstrued perception of reality that your mind conjured up? Imagine controlling a plane and suddenly all the red lights come on and you panic and you realize that you’ve been taught to handle every situation except this one? Hmmm…it’s the mental chaos.

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It’s the anxiety that comes in, because did you know that sometimes anxiety and depression hold hands to wreak havoc in your mind? Yes, anxiety which simply put is a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with panic attacks…thoughts like I’m not where I want to be, I’m not good enough, I’m not successful enough, my life is moving too fast for me to catch up with it, can we pause life for a second so I can breath?

It’s an out of body experience coupled with the world telling you that you shouldn’t let it get to you. You see, you can’t understand that which you go through and that’s where humanity fails you; they put you down and let you know that it’s not as serious as it really is.

It’s the desire to do the normal things that you would do, but aren’t able to do. It’s the struggle to find joy in the simple things which got you hyped up before. It’s the need to try and remember…did you know that depression sometimes comes coupled with a hint of forgetfulness, confusion and disorientation. Sounds serious right? Well it is.

You don’t want to do things but you can’t even think of a reason why save for the fact that your mind isn’t “feeling it” anymore. You go into your shell/space. You retreat.

Did you know that it can manifest itself physically? Not the usual tiredness or possible nausea, aggressive behaviour. Nope. Your normal bodily functions take a hit too. I remember someone pointing out that they tried falling asleep one day and the closing up in their throat kept jolting them up. Yeah, the body gets so focused on healing the mind that other functions take the back seat.

She was walking along the street fine and the next thing she knew her legs just gave out and she fell. No medical backing, she didn’t faint, her legs just took a break for a second because she was up and walking again wondering what had caused her stumble. You can’t walk in a straight line sometimes. You can’t remember how to sit properly.

The insomnia. You stay up until the wee hours of the morning without a hint of fatigue flowing through your system….an hour of sleep is more than enough because the mind still works overtime, your body is forced awake before it has time to rest. You can survive for days on end with a mere 2 hours of shuteye every night. The opposite is true too. You find yourself sleeping for longer hours. Even when you should be well rested, you’re uneasy, still tired, still wanting the escape that comes with sleep.

The appetite. You either find food less appetizing so you find yourself surviving on teas and water or nothing at all sometimes. OR you find food everything and more. So you eat anything and everything your hand comes across and you begin to find a new reason to hate yourself…Why am I still eating and I’m only getting bigger? so you hate your body now.

The negative mental space. Pessimism. Although unwarranted, pessimism gets revealed so much more often. You become that Negative Nancy that always brings the mood down, and you know what, you don’t even realize what you’re saying. You legit feel like someone really close to you has died, well kinda true because that person is you, well at least in your mind. You feel alone. Completely and utterly alone.

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See the cycle? Depression robs you in more ways than just mentally. It feeds generously off of negative emotions…when I say generously I speak only the truth.

Looking into your world like an outsider staring through a thick sheet of semi-opaque glass.

You no longer feel like you’re in control. It’s a struggle.

The symptoms are manifested pretty differently with different experiences. Like I pointed out, there is no universal description for depression. It just is what it is.

-The end game isn’t always suicide.-

That’s the thing about emotional pain. You can’t say that it hurts here, get some medicine and you’re cured.

It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that.

You’re only human.

Remember that.

…. part two …. Behind the Smile(2)

Bob Dylan – It’s Alright, Ma (I’m only Bleeding)

Disillusioned words like bullets bark
As human gods aim for their mark

You lose yourself, you reappear
You suddenly find you got nothing to fear
Alone you stand with nobody near
When a trembling distant voice, unclear
Startles your sleeping ears to hear

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

Behind the Smile (1)


Hey there my doves.

I’m sorry, with dealing with school and projects and life, I guess I haven’t prioritized my writing over the past month…Je suis tres desolee.

I’m back.

So, I think this one has been a long time coming but, finally, it’s going up.

I’m going to do a series of posts about depression. I just read a book, spotted a few posts on social media, spoke to someone about this “topic”. It’s going to be a spaz of “emo” but then again, why is there a need to be labelled as such?

On with it then.

(Maybe it’s the weather…I told you guys the universe speaks to me in more ways than one. My mood and entire aura tend to be played by the hands of the weather man and the atmosphere as I have noticed ever since I started being aware of myself. With the positive vibes and the doing what makes me feel good…shutting out the negative aspects and closing doors on toxic attitudes and company.)

 

.Depression.

Don’t close the tab now that you’re reading. Just go through till the end I suppose.

Definition:

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It’s a mood disorder.

It’s not a one-size fits all description.

It’s a consistent low mood…coupled with feelings of worthlessness, a touch of irritability, a mad at the world attitude, a desire to want to be alone but away from your thoughts, a deep seated emotional burden, a spectre of random thoughts…suicide could always be an end game.

 

You seek everything and anything that you feel would take you away from the feeling. It’s suffocating. It’s deep entwined within your being. It’s “embarassing” to allow yourself to accept to let other people in on your struggles…because there a bigger problems out there…what with hunger, and earthquakes, and financial problems. There’s something bigger to worry about…apparently.

You desire and try to be happy. You put on the biggest smile you can conjur, try to look as bright as you want to feel. Around everyone else, you try to stand out as the happy one. Key word is try.

You downplay yourself. You downplay your state. You  disregard what feels real to you. To dissociate from reality basically. You get caught up in the game of acting.

Everything is alright. Everything is alright. Everything is alright. You are fine, always.

You see yourself as a burden. To others. You see yourself as a burden. To yourself. You find no worth in what you do. You think you’re worthless. You believe that you’re not meant for this thing called life. You express emotions almost robotically.

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There’s a voice in your head. Screaming, shouting, whispering. It tells you all that you’re failing at life. It tells you that it’s okay to be broken on the inside but happy on the outside. It tells you that if you slit your hip, you can hide it with the waistbands of basically everything you wear. If you do it on your wrists, bangles and bands and watches can cover it up.

You’re stuck in the game of cover up.

You feel like you’re a shell…you believe it actually. You feel detached from what goes on around you save for your own thoughts. You go through the motions of life without really trying to find what adds meaning to yours.

You forget to eat sometimes most of the time. You kind of want to forget to breath too…if only you could pin point what hurts. But that’s the thing about emotional pain. You can’t say that it hurts here, get some medicine and you’re cured.

It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that.

You’re only human.

Remember that.

…. part one …. Behind the Smile(1)

 

Well, aside from the post, i discovered Seinabo Sey….music stays winning.

Younger- Seinabo Sey

There is a light to all this darkness
I will tell you this
There’s redemption in you asking them just why it is

Why we fight to get on loving I’ve been wondering
How your mind will leave you hanging your heart lingering
stay lost
then found by whoever stays around, forgetting
There is a way to be yourself, I assure you this
There’s a way to catch your dreams without falling asleep
You might as well get it while you can

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

 

“To My Brain Child”


Happy new month.

And with the new month, a blogiversary checks in as well.

It’s been four years guys…four years of you all reading my rants and mindspeak, either silently judging or relating to my posts.

Thank you for keeping up with the mind that is .theafricangirl.:)

 

blogiversary

Celebrate the little things.

Love and love and love.

Spread the light and positive vibes my darlings.

Also, how’ve you been? Good I hope?

I came across this song on my playlist and figured I could share it with a few hundred/thousand people.😀

This game of growing up.

I only see my goals, I don’t believe in failure
Cause I know the smallest voices, they can make it major
I got my boys with me at least those in favour
And if we don’t meet before I leave, I hope I’ll see you later

Once I was 20 years old, my story got told
I was writing about everything, I saw before me
Once I was 20 years old

Soon we’ll be 30 years old, our songs have been sold
We’ve travelled around the world and we’re still roaming
Soon we’ll be 30 years old.

I’m still learning about life

Once I was seven years old my mama told me
Go make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely

Some music really resonates with the soul, am I right? Remember Chet Faker? It’s the rhythm of life.

 

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

Rich Vanilla ice cream and a moist dark chocolate cupcake,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

So What Keeps Me Here?


I keep wondering what this is that pulls me back.

Even when you implicitly insist that I take my leave.

What keeps me here?

Hoping that you’ll once again hold me dear.

Well, as dear as you can really.

 

They say that time reveals all.

But I’m not ready for the big finale.

The curtain closing is rushing our act.

The director wants to yell “Scene”.

And by jove will this be seen.

I’m a defiant soul,

Always drifting closer to dangerous territory than I should be allowed to.

 

So, what keeps me here?

Oh yes, you have the one thing I cannot leave without.

That heart that beats ever so softly because its energy has been drained.

Years of trying to patch itself up can do that to the organ.

It’s supposed to be the strongest yet at the same time it’s weaker than I suspect.

 

So, what keeps me here?

I want to be here.

I don’t want it back, you can keep the heart.

After all, If I’ve survived without it all these years,

What’s the rest of my life with it?

I forgot how to live with that beat in my chest.

I forgot how to get used to the blood rushing in my veins.

 

I really forgot how to have that heart.

It’s in the way I fight.

I fail to put in my entire being (no heart remember?).

It’s in the way my eyes refuse to light up.

The essence of life comes with that heart remember?

It’s in the way the false happiness seeps into my being.

Again, you took it; But i’m not out here to cause a scene.

We’re already in one.

 

So as you keep it,

Remember it needs a bit of warmth.

It needs a touch of spirit.

It needs to be restored because the pieces are always willing to fall apart.

It needs a new shade of red, apparently bruised blue doesn’t look too smart.

Paint it, show it your impressive art.

The hand that broke it, finally gets to fix that part.

A new ego if you please…I think it needs that to survive.

A dash of love.

And finally, could you maybe talk to it?

It hasn’t been spoken to in a while.

Apparently, that heart is restored by conversation.

Keep it entertained.

Keep it yearning for what you have to say next.

 

Bring that heart back to life.

 

But remember, I don’t want it back.

Just keep it safe and I’ll carry on.

Like smoke from cigarette rising to the clouds.

I will carry on.

 

So what keeps me here?

My heart.

 

Yeah. Trying out a new series on poetry because someone asked me what happened to the poems that were present in the beginning?

So I’ll pull up a few throwbacks, much like this one…can you believe this was written in 2011/12?     /o\

poetry

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

Back To Basics


Hello my doves.

Happy New Year once again.

Maybe I should just scrap the “Hellos” for the next couple of months. You know where I’m from, in December we start wishing each other Merry Christmas from December 1st….and Happy New Year from January 1st until probably Easter. So get with the times.😀

I hope you’re well, because we’re all well.

I figured that my first official post of the year(well not listing things) would focus on going back to basics. You know how i’m always saying that one need not have resolutions, if by the 2nd you don’t even know what they are? This is my version of resolution setting this year.

Am I the only one who has an out of sorts series of days? Like something about what you’re doing or how you’re acting simply doesn’t feel like yourself? It’s almost like you’re an outsider, looking in to your life?

Back to Basics.

A lot of the time we simply go through the motions you know? We embark on an unexpected (hobbit fans? non?) adventurous journey, full of energy, ready to conquer the world, and reach the destination we have in mind. Actualize our dreams. The success is so close you can taste it. Then we get caught up in the chase. We even, dare I say it, forget where we were headed and get sucked under the current.

The hustle gets too intense; it sucks you in. 5 or 6 days a week you’re running around like a headless chicken and on the one day you should be resting, social calls must be answered. Day or Night, it doesn’t matter, as long as they’re answered.

Back to Basics.

Life turns into a series of days just rolling on by like a camera reel. You find yourself wondering when the weekend will get here;

When that vacation will check in (either after school or after work);

When you can leave the house to be away from your spouse or better half;

You’re lost in routines which once brought you joy but now are seemingly turning into the bane of your existence.

Back to Basics.

When you start asking yourself what you’ve become.

Who this new person that’s controlling your body is.

OR

When others begin to question whether you’re okay, happy, satisfied with the chase you’ve taken up.

When they start asking whether you’re really happy with what you’re doing or would you be interested in taking something else up instead…

Is that when you realize that something may be wrong?

Back to Basics.

When it gets here, or when you see the signs (which is pretty difficult) before the imminent burnout, remember the basics.

Remember Simba….Remember who you are.

simba

Take a step back. There’s time you know.

Just step away from everything, mentally first. Because the mind is what carries the most of the burnout pressure.

Stop running and just jog.

Back to Basics.

Is the chase thaaaaaaat important that you can afford to lose yourself in it?

Sometimes, we question it when it’s too late.

It could be with work, with school and finally with your social life (includes love life).

Sometimes I realize that I’m not myself. There are those days when you do certain things and your own conscience comes at you like “What the hell bro? Who are you?”

The other day I caught myself as I was about to blow up on someone for something so insignificant and I realized that it had been building up for a while. The silent frustration; the silent anger; the silent stress of everything. So finally when the “perfect” outlet came I almost went HAM.

This is where I realized that Hey! Calm down. This is not you. So calm down.

Back to Basics - Chalkboard

The words Back to Basics written on a chalkboard

Back to Basics.

Waking up multiple times in the night.

Struggling to eat even the smallest meal or overeating at any given time of the day.

Desiring to sit back and chill but even when you sit your thoughts keep whirling around your mind.

Looking haggard and worn out when you’ve woken up even after a full 8 hours of sleep.

Getting annoyed at the little things or are overly excited about things that aren’t really up to your own level (i.e You settle).

The signs guys.

Back To Basics.

Take some time off when you feel the “different you” poking out from underneath the surface.

Take a breather. Remove yourself from social media.

Talk to people other than those who you speak to on the regular. Sometimes, the frustration sets in when there’s no new energy coming into your day.

Meditate. It’s actually not hard to meditate. All you need is to shut out everything on the outside, and focus on your “inside”. What is your mind saying? What is your body saying? How is your heart beating? Then calm your thoughts, and focus on breathing. Release.

Think of what you did as a child; did you sing? dance? then do that for a minute.

Think of something good.

Back To Basics.

Burnouts are common. You sometimes never even notice them. Watch for the signs, listen to your body, listen to your mind, just listen.

It’s all about resetting, not necessarily to factory/default settings but to a version that was less stressed out. Always, know where it is you’d revert to before you you claim to go back to basics and remember were you’re heading once the basics have been remembered.

Back To Basics.

 

A bit of a throwback for today’s post:

Because we return to basics to remember just how much we have strayed from our paths, or how much we need to simply reconnect with ourselves.

 

We will never look back at the faded silhouettes.

(Also check out Avicii’s song “Feeling Good”)  <= reconnect with what makes you feel grounded.

 

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

 

Another One For The Books


Hello my doves.

(Disclaimer: I drafted this on December 30th, so if you spot something that alludes to the “past year” and what not, keep this in mind.)

I figured my last first post would be about “counting those blessings”. You know that when you’re taking stock especially of the positives, then it’s simply the same as counting your blessings right?

Anywho, let’s get our dust coats on, our clipboards and note pads and take stock for the year that was.

Making: plans to be a gym junkie…yeah, my body finally decided that I’ve been consuming all the wrong things for too long.😥

Cooking: Vegetable fried rice because what is plain rice?

Drinking: Water….been downing a little more than 2 litres a day and on the off occasion that I’ve reduced that intake, my body just cries foul. (on the down low, maybe that bottle glass of Robertson’s winery has yet to be put down.) and green tea(infused with mint).

Reading: For my CATs….smh. I had such a chill Christmas break that my brain just is refusing to comprehend that we’re back in school.

Wasting: no time spreading that “better yourself” mantra. Rethink your ways and work on being a better version of yourself.:)

Wishing: that I could see some people everyday really. But alas, when the universe has other plans, then my nigga you roll with the times.

i wish

Enjoying: the relaxation that I had the past couple of weeks. Christmas should come around more often….talk about cruising down the streets of my city, my town.

Liking: the responsiveness of my body and skin. Dear water, thank you.

Wondering: How much of an impact someone else can have on your life.

Loving: the learning process that is life. Was a pretty intense year (2015) and a lot of stuff was thrown at me, but we rise above it and carry on.

Marvelling: At how short December is,,,just the other day it was the 1st and I was making plans, and now four weeks flew by and boom! it’s January guys.

Needing: A proper vacation. I know, I know. It’s always going to be a feature. Even after a vacation is up, I’ll always want another one soon after. I’m human. Buuuuuuut that beach has called out to me for far too long.

ZANZIBAR

Smelling: of such a flirt (V.S) Really trying to get used to it because my warm vanilla sugar stock ran out.😦 I’m that one scent type of guy. And a hint of Chanel’s allure homme…something about this one.

Following: CHAAAAAARMMMMEEEDDDD. Remember the show about the witches and the drama? Yes. I just put myself up to watch season 1-8 all over again. Who’s with me?

Noticing: That i’ve been getting bat shit angry at things lately. What’s upsetting my chi? I need to find that centre….Yogaaaaaaa.😉

Knowing: that there’s people out there who recognize my blog and silently hope I keep writing…I see you. I love you. Thank you.

Thinking: about how I want to look and be in 6months, because graduation. I have enough things to set up before that happens. Plans. That’s all.

Feeling: Overly excited and happy at everything. I guess, when you let the right energies in, it works for you.

Bookmarking: pastry courses and schools….hmmmm…

Opening: the Justin Beiber page on youtube…and nope, it’s not too late now to say sorrrryyyyyy.

Giggling: at camp lakebottom. such an interesting cartoon.

Eating: a red velvet cupcake with whipped cream frosting….what are calories? You’ve got to eat all day every day. (Because it’s Christmas)

 

Well,,,I actually wish I had gotten around to posting this up last year after the beliefs series.

It still works out now innit?

Also, I found someone else who listens to Chet Faker like me. Talk about excited. It’s quite rare to find people who discover the same odd music you enjoy.

so have some Chet Faker; some psychedelic and energy moving music.

*release your problems*

 

Happy New Year my lovely lovely doves.

To taking our tasks head on, and hoping our plans are in God’s will,

To learning to love and be loved,

To desiring wildly and learning,

To giving ourselves permission to move a step forward,

To this intense pursuit of happiness.

hny

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

Beliefs(4)


Hello darlings.

I hope nothing too major happened between yesterday and today that would dampen your Christmas spirit or your spirit in general. If something did go down, you’ll be alright. Have some positive-a-tea.😀

And the award for the girl who keeps her word goes to….*drum roll* meeeeeeeeeeee.:)

As promised, here’s le finale…la créme de la créme…the cherry topping my icecream, the icing on my cake. Part four baby.

 

Beliefs(part4): LOVE

Hahahaha. I couldn’t not talk about love meeeeehn. It’s like asking me not to be myself, and that’s a tall order yo!

So let’s get into it.

What is love?

love-quotes_807-1.png

Is love suffering through the nights and days, hoping it gets better?

Is it crying yourself to sleep every other night because of some sort of emotional or even physical abuse(p.s. my friend, because you know how great my circle is, did a post about sexual harassment and it’s such an eye opener, so do check her out. Actually all her posts are captivating and simply amazing so check the posts out at https://smirgolbaggins.wordpress.com/)?

Where was I? Yeah, what is love?

Is it I’m in love with you, only when I can see you but the second we’re away from each other, what is a better half?

…Heeeey. Let me take a breather. I’ve jumped the gun too quick.

What is love?

It is selfless and pure.

How else can you explain kids loving their parents? Call it a sense of dependence but at 18, you still think of it as dependence and not love? I mean you are at liberty to leave them and forget them….like thanks guys, it’s been real. Thanks for you know, the past 18years (+9months), sayonara guys.

It is human.

If someone tells you that they don’t know how to love, it’s a farce. But that’s agape love.

Let’s return to that gun we had jumped earlier…(Actually, how is that an acceptable phrase? What do you mean jumping the gun?)

What do you go into a relationship with? What mindset do you have once you fall for someone? Hmm?

Some people were brought up knowing that love is when you clean and cook for your spouse…

Others were told that as long as you bring home the bacon(I could go for some right now actually) then that’s love.

For some, as long as you spend time with each other once a week, but can ignore one another for the rest of the time then you’ve shown your love.

Shall I continue to call out these beliefs?

One story was told about a lady who knew that sex was only after marriage. So she went and got married just so she could have sex…see she also survived under the notion that sex in a relationship is love. So the nights when they didn’t do it, she felt unloved.

Another story is told about a young man who was brought up knowing that gifts are love. So any girl he got with, was showered with presents but he never understood why they didn’t last because he thought he had loved them the only way he knew how.

The final one is that love is persevering. You see that young lady or middle aged woman who can’t speak out because after being assaulted by her better half, she stays there because he says he loves her after? The young man trying to stay focused because some  pretty young thing threatens to castrate him if he leaves so he stays because she says it’s because she loves him?

See, people’s experiences are a great example sometimes. Does any of this ring a bell? Have any of these been at the back/fore front of your mind at any point?

What is love?

Most of us get into the thick of relationships and courtships and eventually marriage with a notion. We fall in love with an ideal so when things go awry, you hold fast because you’re trying to protect that ideal.

What is love?

It is no object. This one should be more than obvious really. Love isn’t an object ergo it cannot be quantified or measured.

It is not a moment. That’s pleasure guys. You cannot love only for a second or a minute because love takes a while to manifest but once it does, it’s even harder to dissolve and let go of/ get rid of.

What is love?

love scrabble

 

In my opinion, because sometimes you learn from experience and observing.

Love is an experience of oneself. You have to be at home with yourself. You have to know yourself and understand yourself before you can dream of loving someone else. Love is how you treat yourself before the facade you put up for others.

Love is being comfortable in each other’s skin. If you find yourself trying to change because of someone for some reason or another, then that is not love. That’s something else entirely. To love someone, you must accept that they are allowed and at liberty to see you for you and not what you want to show.

Love should not hurt. That’s self explanatory really. It should never be hard to love someone, it’s the circumstances and the situations that make it seem like loving is hard. (Have a listen to What is Love by Haddaway….*baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more*)

Love is a feeling, an attitude, an emotion. Love is simply love or as Paulo Coehlo puts it, LOVE SIMPLY IS.

So as you get into the thick of Christmas, show your love. There’s never a time like the present.

I realized that in order to come to terms with oneself and one’s purpose, you need to let go of “falling in love with a notion and an ideal”. Fall in love with love from now on.

351a85621a20048fb11a19e2d0f71228

That’s part….: 4 of 4 :…. folks.

I’ve received a touch of feedback from some people and they related to the beliefs series. So if you’re among the tribe, share it with someone who you know needs a bit of mental stimulation. It’s is only through improving yourself that you can better someone else.

Let go of these beliefs that are holding you back.

A belief is a foundation for what we do, it affects how we behave, it’s a force that controls all our decisions.

A belief is a feeling of certainty about what something means and it’s an assumption we make about ourselves, others in the world, and the way we expect it to be.

As a man believeth, then so is he.

So, what are your beliefs?

live your beliefs

With that, my wisdom and writing juice for the year is basically done. Thank you for keeping up with this africangirl, I’ll be sure to show up on your screens soon.

Until then,

Have some New Edition:

Merry Christmas and yall better make merry…and be happy. To my amazing readers who don’t celebrate christmas, Happy holidays my doves.

With love and love, positive vibes and Christmas spirit,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

Beliefs(3)


Hello my doves.

How much of a superwoman do I feel like? Walking and spitting rainbows maaaaaannnnn. 3 posts, 3 days and i’m still dre running.

Are you well? I hope so. I’m just seated here bumping to Christmas carols, with my Christmas sweater, sipping on some peppermint hot chocolate….tihihi. Don’t go skimping on that Christmas spirit.

 

Beliefs(part3): All Men Are Dogs

not all men

Let’s see how a common belief is given life and “purpose”.

This seems to be the biggest phrase among women across all generations. Why are all men dogs? If you ask around, you’ll be given the straight up answer that even my nephew could come up with, “All men are dogs because All men are simply dogs.”

And now let’s figure out the origin of such a deluded thought,,,you know if all men are dogs then the same goes for all the men in your family right? But that’s debateable.

So here the story goes:

You get onto the dating scene, 1st love, 1st boyfriend. You’re excited, You’re hopeful, You’re giving out 100% of everything.

You fall deeply, and you fall hard, and you honeymoon for all of 1 minute. If it works out, awesome.

However, when it doesn’t work out and y’all break up, that’s where the misconceptions come in.

You hibernate for a long minute, you cry yourself to sleep, wallow in icecream and fudge cake, you begin your “hate” for all things of the opposite sex.

And you say “I’m never dating AGAIN”.

Fastforward to a couple of months, weeks, years later and this nice guy comes a-knocking. You start to fall but then you remember that the previous time, your 100% didn’t get you anywhere, so this time you go in at 80%. You go in with an element of “If it works then that’s cool, and if it doesn’t then i’ll be done with men for good.”

A few months go by and you’re hopeful then something happens and the relationship comes to an end. Pow. That’s another blow to your ego…

You begin to question what’s wrong with you, and why you’re attracting temporary people in your life. What IS wrong with you? Nothing is wrong with me you would most definitely argue. Then you conclude that it must be the guys, like what the hell is wrong with them?

Cue the next potential gentleman. Well, he could be pulling all the right strings and stops to prove that it could work, but you’re at 60% bro. You’re putting in 60% babes. Yet you expect someone who’s giving 100% not to notice it? So he treats you like that 60%, and when you call it quits, you immediately ask yourself “why are they dogs?”

So guess what? At this point if you think you’re dating dogs then it means that you’re just as much of a dog as the men you deal with darling.

Next relationship, 40% in, 60% out. You go in with one foot already outside the door. You probably were an athlete in a past life, but that’s irrelevant here. You know it’s over before you get into it so you just date for the sake of it. Sigh. And you think to yourself, if all i’m attracting are dogs then why not play that game then. This is definitely how players come about or so I think. See, you’re a bitch now, yeah because dogs don’t date humans, they date other dogs.

But when you get to that 20% input point,,,chill.

See that’s a belief, based on experience and own knowledge and experience. You went in with a heart of gold, and came out of the “battle” with shards of glass and sand.

mindset.jpeg

How to change this mindset? (Change it such that if ever you go back to dating and things end, then it doesn’t affect your perception of the next suitor that comes into your life).

The amazing lady at the session (as mentioned somewhere in part 1) took us through the motions.

Step 1: Take yourself out of the game. When you get to the point of doing it just because, then step out of the scene for a minute. The rationale behind this step is that you’re going into it for all the wrong reasons now.

Step 2: Stop blaming the men. All these guys you’ve dated have nothing in common amongst themselves unless they were brothers, cousins, friends. The only other thing that brought them together is YOU. So stop blaming them.

Step 3: Don’t blame yourself. Trying to pin the blame on something never resolves anything really. If you haven’t noticed it as you’re growing up, then realize it now. The blame-game never works.

Step 4: Look into yourself. Reassess your ideals, your intentions, understand who you are without the relationships. Date yourself first. This tends to be hardest really. Because we have egos from here to the sun so sitting down and looking within yourself doesn’t really appeal to us.

Before you get back in the game, you need to come to the conclusion  that not all men are these supposed “Dogs” baby.

It took you a long time to go from 100% to that 20% and now you need to build it back up from that 20% to a proper 100%. Trust, must start with yourself. If you don’t trust yourself then you won’t trust anyone else and you won’t allow them to trust you.

Befriend yourself, see how hard it is to be your own friend or how smooth , easy breezy it is.

Step 5: Reconcile with yourself.

Accept that you haven’t been treating yourself right and by this, you also haven’t been treating everyone else right. And by virtue of this, others also don’t treat your right because they see how you value yourself.

Step 6: Replace the belief that all men are dogs with new knowledge. This new knowledge comes from books (read and read and read), videos and other people who have seen the “light” and have proven that men aren’t dogs.

This is the most important step actually. You cannot switch up a belief without replacing it with new knowledge.

replace the beliefs.jpg

 

Step 7: Get back in the scene once you’ve reconciled with yourself. Doesn’t mean that you wear your heart on your sleeve, but be more open minded. :*

And with that folks, I’m done with these all men are dogs shenanigans. Ps. dogs can be replaced with players, untrustworthy, useless, inferior…you know the whole shabang that the internet alludes to.

Superficial beliefs….check yourself.

That’s part….: 3 of 4 :…. folks, I’ll probably put up all parts by the end of the week so brace or embrace(because *hugs*) yourselves.

Until then,

Have some Sam Feldt:

Tired of giving my love and getting nowhere

Isn’t this song just the bombdiggity?

Tomorrow’s another day folks.

With love and love and oceans of Christmas spirit,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)