Apparently my 5th blog-a-versery passed. A password was forgotten. A number of things made writing impossible over the last couple of months.
I’m sorry though. I’m almost fully back so I figured I should put a little something something up so you don’t forget that I, as well as the blog, exist.
As always, let’s get the formalities out of the way. How are you guys? I hope you’re alright. Not struggling to stay alive as seems to be the norm these days. If you are though, shoot me a message and I shall give you some encouragement.
Let’s get on with it shall we?
Dealing with Disappointment:
the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.
The definition basically sums up that disappointment is a situation where there’s an expectation already set up but for some reason or another, you’re unable to meet it. It could be your own expectation or someone else’s expectations of you.
Your own disappointment:
This is probably the worst kind to try and get over. We place ourselves on such a high pedestal and make our own expectations of ourselves way above the norm.
I don’t know why we’re built this way. I don’t know why our brains decide that we should be a million steps ahead of where we are at any given time. Fact is though, that our expectations for ourselves are a high standard to reach.
Let’s take myself for example. I’m a self taught baker and I turn to numerous recipes when i’m trying out new ideas with my creations. I see the picture in the recipe, bring it down to my level and expertise and regardless of how imperfect a picture I paint of the final cake, it just never seems to be that. I’ve had worst case scenarios painted in my mind and in the end, the cake turns out worse than that damn worst-case scenario. So at the back of my mind I always think of what I should’ve done so it would’ve come out the way I had envisioned it. It’s a flaw. A flaw that we clearly all have. If you think you don’t have it then you’re not using your mind enough to be honest (no shade here; just real talk).
You’ve had the ambitions to be in a certain place by this time, and for some reason, the universe isn’t paying your desires any attention. So you’re disappointed in yourself for this.
You set goals to be achieved by June 2017 and as at now, should have been almost 3/4 way through with reaching the goal. But guess what? You haven’t even found the footing to start on the said goals…and it’s almost June. So you’re disappointed in yourself.
You pushed yourself so hard when you were studying to make sure you got a certain grade and when the results check in, and they’re lower than expected (but not below average), cue the disappointment in oneself.
We aren’t as disciplined as we’d like to be.
We don’t stick to habits we’re trying to create.
We aren’t as productive as we intend to be.
We fail in exercising as much as we’d like, and eating as healthily as we want. (Am I guilty or am I guilty? 😀 )
We fail in being the best parent, partner, friend, as we think we should be.
Most times the disappointment in oneself often comes when you’ve pushed yourself really hard to achieve something that when you fall short, you simply conclude that you’re a “failure”.
It’s a mentally exhausting way to live. I should know. I do this all the time.
So how to deal with it? It’s not about lowering your expectations for yourself but more about being realistic. Look at what you have to work with and then see how feasible your expectations can be. We strive to achieve perfection yet we know that it’s impossible. Find a way to live as you and then actually live instead of always setting goals. I know that sometimes you set goals for yourself to reach and i’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I set goals for myself too. But some of us are ruled by goals. You end up not living through your days all because you’re constantly trying to achieve a certain goal. This is a vicious cycle. One of those ones where, once it sucks you in, guys, it’s the end.
Why? Because there’s always going to be a goal after you get to the goal you’re working in. You can’t always be stuck in the future and let your present just drift by.
However, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t set goals and celebrate when we achieve them; or disregard the times you’ve exceeded your own expectations, okay? I’m just saying that an excess of anything be it good, is still detrimental. In this case, over-focusing on your goals, means that you don’t live in the present too or that when you don’t reach them, you’re literally tossed back to square one…and hello disappointment.
You don’t have to lower your expectations. All you need to do sometimes is set expectations that are in line with your situation be it now or in a couple of years. Don’t dream to high because sometimes, the clouds don’t catch you when you pummel back to earth.
the disappointment series
I’m trying to get back into my writing groove so bear with me for the next couple of posts since I already know they won’t be up to standard.
Jess Glynne – Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself
Let’s go back to simplicity
I feel like I’ve been missing me
Was not who I’m supposed to be
I felt this darkness over me
We all get there eventually
I never knew where I belonged….
….I learned to wave goodbye
How not to see my life
Through someone else’s eyes
It’s not an easy road
But no I’m not alone
So I, I won’t be so hard on myself no more
That’s it from my end of the globe.
From a cool corner of Nairobi,
With love, light, positive vibes and a handful of “Promises that I’ll be a better blogger”,
Let the good energy flow.