It’ll be ours:


Hello lovelies.

I’m here…come back please?

Where have I been? School and then some, and baking cupcakes…p.s. they’re the best you’re yet to have. *blows own horn*

That aside,

I missed your precious*insert gollum’s voice here…my precioussss* souls. I honestly hope that you’re amazing.

dream-catcher-tattoos--large-msg-136555998016

Have you had a dream or a vision of something you want to achieve or have or see?

Have you ever thought about what life would be like if the universe set out all your ideals before you?

Have you ever imagined just where you’d be if your wishes were fulfilled?

What life would be like if you never had to struggle?

If your thoughts were never in disarray?

Your desires were satiated and you needed nothing?

Well, I have.

You may say i’m a dreamer.

A creative? Maybe.

But haven’t you also wondered what it would be if you didn’t have to struggle?

If love come to you as easily as the words “mama” and “papa” to a child?

Would you be happy then?

I don’t think so. I know you won’t be happy.

You see, We’re designed to always search for more,

Hunt for the deeper forms of satisfaction.

Desire to share in the world that is ultimate happiness.

Feel incomplete the further we get away from our ultimate end;

But don’t get me started on how amazing it feels to take that step in the right direction.

You may say i’m a dreamer.

My dreams are a painting.

I’m hard at work all night to achieve the greater success that my heart yearns for.

The material(things) is good yes, because I need to survive.

But what is to survive if you’re not really alive?

Alive? You’ll insist that your heart is beating innit?

And to that i’ll pull out your seat, get on it and have a listen.

You may say i’m a dreamer,

Thankfully I know now that the heart beat doesn’t really mean i’m alive.

It means that i’m responsive, my body functions okay.

Hell, i’m even breathing in the right way.

Today,

But it’s still doesn’t mean i’m alive.

So here’s a couple of diamonds in the rough,

To be alive it means;

//To have a genuine smile on your precious face;

To be alive it seems;

//You have to love in an innocent way;

To be alive not in dreams;

//You take the chances that even after trying you could never ace.

To be alive, the world deems…

It fit  : to mean not surviving,

            : to mean not going through the motions and expecting a different outcome,

            : to desire to live beyond the now and the current,

            : to chase your dreams above and beyond.

So are you living or are you alive?

Dreams

Somewhere in the dream we had an epiphany
Now we right the wrongs in history
No one can win the war individually
It takes the wisdom of the elders and young people’s energy
Welcome to the story we call victory

(Isn’t this jam such a motivating piece of awesome collaboration? Get’s your blood pumping, with patriotism, with a sense of belonging, with a new found belief in you dreams.)

p.s. If you click on the “dreamer” that’s highlighted, a couple of interesting lyrical surprises might pop up.

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

With love and life and #PositiveVibes,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

Growth


Hello darlings.

How are you? third week into the year treating you good, i hope?

Figured I’d give you guys a little something out of my thinking box.

You know how you say certain things and then realize about a year ago(hahahaha), well, “I wouldn’t have even dared utter such atrocities”.

Back then, it seemed as though you would never have gotten to the level at which you currently are in.

As usual, I love doing evaluations; both of self and of the people I interact with.

So  I did a self-study.

I decided that like the observer I tend to be most times, I would sit back and take note of any key changes in my circle and its surrounding halo.

You know they say that to grow you need to live.

Again, don’t ask me who said these things…I’d obviously just chalk it up to the “Wahenga na Wahenguzi ambao hawakuchana nywele zao na mifupa ya samaki waliposema….” *Inshas were my forte though…those primary school 38/40s and high school 25/30s…*

>>loosely translate that to mean “The wisemen didn’t comb their hair with fishbones for nothing when they said….”<<<

I digress. Is this a habit? If it is, i’m sorry…not sorry.

Back to the point.

Growth.

julia cameron

We go through life holding onto the negative emotions from past experiences. We deal with things now with the notion that if something happens then you’ll be pushed back into that state of worthlessness that you were trapped in, in the past. You can’t go through life tied down to the past. I know it’s said that your past shows your character but to be honest that has no link to your now and your future.

Your past is simply that, your past. No-one can control the past because time moves, life goes on. So if life goes on, who are you to defy the universe when it blatantly offers up a blank slate with each new day? In what capacity are you to insist that a past mistake, a past hurt, a past relationship, will define your today and your thereafter? I believe in the desire to use the past to measure where you are at the moment. I really do. However, most of us tend to focus on a negative aspect.

I’m a jaded lover. With a “history” of interesting lovers and friends, one could easily say that I’m incapable of normal. I learnt to let go of the hold I’d willingly given to my past. That supposed hurt I associated with certain people or certain things, that anger that I tied to something. My excuses. My excuses were immeasurable and innumerable. I realized that I associated certain emotions with past experiences.

So guess what? I learned to let go.

How? I told the universe that I don’t need that energy in my mind. I don’t need that link between things that bring up such negative emotions.

I desired to cut ties…with all the lies that I’d been living in(if you don’t where this is from then i don’t know what music you listen to).

I concluded that I’m above my emotions. I control them not vice versa.

First step, forgive yourself. I realized that I berated myself majority of the time. I was my own Debby-downer. I was my own wet blanket. So I forgave myself for being so unfair to myself.

***

On this note, isn’t this song so fitting?

Faith- CALVIN HARRIS.

I need a little space in my mind,

I need that little hope I can find;

I need to feel my soul come alive,

I need to feel the strength to get by,

I need a little faith.

***

images

Next, make amends and distance yourself. The way a doctor would insist that you shouldn’t pick at a scab until it completely heals over. I did this until I was confident enough in my own brain’s ability to not revert back to the previous state.  I took a step back from basically all the relationships…friendships, that is, that I had. I took a step back to reevaluate them. Sifted out the unnecessary and I’m proceeding to mend the ones I clearly want to have.

Thirdly, positive vibes.

I spread these like wildfire to be honest. If it wasn’t in the simple complement of people appearance, it was of the fact that I noted people’s auras more. There’s those that illuminate their surroundings and those that suck out the colour from theirs. I accept compliments. (Which reminds me; someone asked me why I like compliments so much. I realized that if you like how something is, why not pay it tribute of sorts? If a flower smells divine, then won’t you speak your mind about it? If someone seems to have put in the effort, why not appreciate it? ) You’ll never be truly happy if you focus only on yourself.

greatAnd lastly, live.

Survival was my thing. Possibly still is, in the right situation though. I went through the motions. Eat, survive, sleep, repeat. I decided one day to open my eyes to what really happens around me and I haven’t looked back since.

Experience new things. Get out of your cocoon / bubble. Mingle. Share. Love. Experience. Cry. LIVE ALREADY.

Life is such a questionable irreplaceable gift that once you lose it, it’s gone.

Bloody live.

If-others-growing-consider-your-enviroment

It’s not turning into one of those inspirational blogs…but hey, even if it does, your opinion is a menial addition to my thought process.

Appreciate and celebrate growth.

Appreciate and celebrate life.

Are we still basking in The Afterglow like I am?

*images courtesy of google.com*

(p.s. it’s almost February…some major hints being poured here)

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

With love and life and #PositiveVibes,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

The Afterglow


The afterglow:

af·ter·glow
ˈaftərˌɡlō/
noun
noun: afterglow; plural noun: afterglows
  1. light or radiance remaining in the sky after the sun has set.
    • good feelings remaining after a pleasurable or successful experience.

Today and over the past weekend a number of people have asked me why I’m happy.

Apparently, it’s a bit of a situation to see me smile or generally just radiate happiness.

I’ll try and pinpoint a couple of reasons.

The title probably says it all.

An afterglow.

The lingering effects of something blissful.

The aftermath of something positively amazing occurring moments prior.

The result…yes that’s the word. The result of something taking place that leaves you in a mood that lights up the heavens and the earth on which you stand.

 

My afterglow stems from Christmas.

Have you ever been surrounded by so much family that you believe for sure that there’s not a doubt about your origin?

Have you ever been surrounded by so many childhood stories of yours and your siblings’ mischief that you longed to relive it?

Have you ever been the brunt of so many embarrassing stories that you turned from red to purple to freaking blue because you laughed so hard at the things you did when you were younger?

Have you ever basked in the glow of satisfaction because you spent time with the people that clearly will never let you down?

Have you ever been so in love with the concept of family that you admire how far the extended family reaches and how amazing it is to meet people who last saw you when you were a toddler?

Yes, I had many of those “Do you remember me? I last saw you when I held your feeding bottle back when you were a couple of months old.” …yeah sure I do.I barely remember my first five years, but ofcourse your face is the one thing I can recall.

and a couple of these too “Ayyy!!! Look at you! You’ve grown! Turning into a fine woman.” …did you expect me to remain a baby…while the years passed by??

And there was this one “What are you doing now? Hey! You’re in University? When? You’re about to clear even? My goodness. I thought you were in primary school.” …well, let’s see here. Ten years ago you made the same comment about my being still being in primary school…I don’t know how growth works for you then.

And my favorite “You’re understanding of the dialect seems to be better. I remember a time when we told you something and you would just reply the simple <<Eeeh!>>, smile awkwardly and hide behind your dad.”

I had a hoard of sarcastic answers to any and every single one of these kinds of remarks…Lord knows how I held my tongue in. Self-discipline for the win!

But back to the Have you evers.

If you’ve experienced these then I’m sure you know the feeling that accompanies it.

Here I am a couple of days later, feeling the effects of such a chill vacation.

You see, I have a knack for appreciating families that stick with each other. More so, families that don’t just live in their shell but have a network with their relatives. Maybe in the future, I might let you in on why I value family and why I want my kids to have the same notion of family as I do. Just not today and on this forum.

oh

So that was the holiday. Save for the insane amounts of slaughtered animals that were consumed. I’m still amazed at how my protein allergies did not act up. Roast meat and any celebration = Happy Kenyans.

I feel like Christmas was actually Christmas.

Silently thanking God for being well you know God.

Thanking Him for the opportunities that he revealed and offered us the past year.

Thanking Him for the gift of family.

Plus I met a couple interesting creatures in the past two weeks. Only way is up from here I suppose. :)

And ..*drum roll*..i’m one year away from graduating. I can finally say next year without it looking too far in the distance *from a distance…no? Okay.* As I slowly reevaluate my GPA goals…ambition is priceless. *Cue Wale-Ambition*

 

My afterglow; it’s going to stretch for a couple more months.

 

Also, guess what month it is?

*whispers January*

And guess what next month is?

*Tihihi…stay tuned for more intel.*

 

Afterglow- Wilkinson

Someone hold the sunlight back,

Cause we want this night to last.

(just put it in this context…shaa!! this is such a tune regardless.)

 

Happy New Year my lovelies.

Happy 2015.

May all the desires that you have written down as resolutions be achieved.

May all the happiness i’ve tried to squeeze into this post be leaked into your eyes through the screen of whatever device you’re reading it from, and proceed to cause your face to morph into a smile.

*a bit creepy yeah? cough. cough. *

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

With love and life and #PositiveVibes,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

 

One for the books


Hello; Habari ;Bonjour ; Halo ; Hej ; Hallå;

I figured my last post this year(in case the inspiration bug doesn’t bite me again), would be about me taking stock.

Appropriately timed and labelled don’t you think? Seeing as it is the end of a 12 month accounting period…school is still in the system as you can see.

Let’s get on with this show then, shall we?

Making: melodies in my heart room for more shoes on the rack…and plans for a little bit of modification. ;)

Cooking: eh,,,refer to my instagram account for this…although I recently failed at baking cinnamon rolls..(next time my precious). p.s I make mean(why not nice?) oven baked spicy pork chops.

Drinking: a tall glass of wine thanks to the infamous Four Cousins that we know and love…and water. Lemon water, ginger water, strawberry mint water, garlic water(which is good for your blood and flushing out the toxins…not for your breath).

Reading: the Hobbit because I watched the battle of the five armies and I’m totally motivated to relive the story of Bilbo Baggins. can Richard Armitage get it or naah? and include the “Kenyan Fantasy Anthology” from http://willthisbeaproblem.com/2014/12/09/fantasy-and-africans/ ….see guys, I always hardly never read period.

Wasting: a lot of time thinking and rethinking decisions and such trivial matters.

Sewing: a circle skirt in print fabric…hand-stitching is the worst.

Wishing: Is this limited to one wish only? Because I have a long list of things i’m wishing for at the moment; The Note 4 (because how classy is that piece of mobile technology?), a sewing machine (hey, i think i have internal bleeding in one of my fingers because the needle went HAM on it), for more love in a world filled with so much selfishness it’s insane.

Enjoying: This new found desire to bake anything and everything…cakes, cupcakes, bread, pizza, french fries, chicken,,,if it’s bakeable then best believe i’ll bake it).

Liking: ahahah…doesn’t have to be a human being I suppose? so I’m liking my mother’s confidence in my driving skills…taken her six months to get comfortable and sit back without screaming at something that’s not even going to happen…like “Hey!! You can’t see that car.” yet the said car is nearly 50 metres away coming at me at 10kph; or better yet, “Slow Down” yet once again the said gauge is reading that i’m at 30kph.

Wondering: Is it really necessary to keep fixated on things that tie you to the past that in itself is basically non-existent? Just a passive memory that holds nothing more than bitterness and hurt?

Loving: My Millebacci no. 46 from Nakshi Nouba. It’s the truth guys. Such amazing lip colour/lipstick. Such vivid color.

Marveling: at marvel comics  at someone named marvella at how time is a healer and a destroyer at the same time.

Needing: a beach house and a vacation away from any form of civilisation; but more importantly, a better savings plan.

Smelling: of warm vanilla sugar from Bath and Body Works …sigh. this is home guys. This is the scent I always return to after “trying out” all other scents and i love vanilla and icecream from I love cosmetics…that lotion is the truth. See the trend guys? *Dear anybody flying in soon, get me these? thanks. *

Following: Scorpion because what????? nerds and solving crimes and things…hello. hooked!! And it’s a series so it’s long enough.

Noticing:  Mental upgrades. Apparently, I smile more. good thing? I guess my PositiveVibes mantra is working.

Knowing: That life is always full of surprises that put you off your game,,, you just have to get back on your horse and move on.

Thinking: What on earth is my next hairstyle going to be? Woman problems are made of these. :( :( :( :(

Feeling: Loved and Happy.

Bookmarking: sallysbakingaddiction.com on my browser. Never too late to discover something new to bake.

Opening: the business section of the newspaper and general internet space because international finance wants me to…it’s actually pretty interesting.

Giggling: at my dad’s jokes because he is the epitome of insane.
Eating : chicken bacon pizza because no rules during Christmas season… Eat what the heart wants, whenever the heart wants.

Cheerio my doves.
Happy Holidays.
Merry Christmas.
Enjoy the company you’re going to keep over the next few days and spread the vibes of awesome-nicity.

P.s have you listened to Sam Smith’s rendition of Have yourself a merry little Christmas?
If not… Here you go:
Sam Smith – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas: http://youtu.be/rnEqv8WcVq8

From a cool little corner of Nairobi somewhere on the continent,
With love and life and #positivevibes,
.theafricangirl.
*Mapenzi.Love* :)

Conventional Ways?


Hello, hello, hello.

I figured I’d get this random post over and done with because well I simply have missed rambling on here.

So here goes:

I was watching a movie the other week where the main character, some girl, came under fire from “observers” about how she became friends with a couple of the guys in her life. The classic tale of kiss the frogs and realizing incompatibility or a certain level of friendliness that cannot be ignored. Basically, she kissed a couple of them and now they’re in her circle of friends.

I did a self-evaluation because a couple of bells rang in my mind and because isn’t that what movies conjur? These idle minds of ours that are susceptible to absorbing everything and being convinced that in TWO HOURS: two people can meet at college, fall in love, out of it, date other people, get back together, get married, have kids, watch them grow, get grandkids, travel the world,,,,two hours guys!!!! But that’s the thing about movies innit? They simply show movement; and inadvertently lead to movement of desires, emotions, finances, our thoughts…

Back to the soul-searching. I realised that indeed there are certain people in my life that would not be in it if there was no kiss and friend. Weird, I know? But it’s completely true.

image

Did they work out? Yes, some of them did and a couple that didn’t were simply nipped in the bud because life has enough problems without having to add such trivial matters.

We get so caught up in trying to make friends because “Hey!!! We are social by nature us human beings *Dear Philosophical Anthropology lecturer,,,see I understood this concept* ”  that we use whatever means necessary to get them.

Any means necessary? That’s a tad extreme dontcha think? But it is indeed the reality that we force ourselves to settle for.

Some say “We never kiss and tell” as a means of ignoring something that actually took place. I’m guilty as charged of pulling this one but consequences are there for a reason.

Anywho, What is the standard way of this selection?
image

I’m an intorvert by design, an extrovert to certain people and a massive question mark to everyone else.

Girls? Pretty simple. Why? because we share the same gender and the struggles that come along with it.

Guys? I have to split them into potential suitors, friends and the other question marks. It’s the question marks that leave everyone wary though.

Proper conversation? I don’t think I can have a full length conversation without making a joke(puns) and proceeding to laugh at how amazing my brain can be sometimes.
(Mindy Project anyone??)
Once again my question stands, is there a way of making friends? Is there a school of “friendship” that people get enrolled in? School for the shy…like yours truly?

Dear movies, I’ve seen enough of your lies to know that indeed you’re very unnecessary but watch you I still will. We can all be friends without classifying each other into frogs and princes or princesses, yeah?

Here’s to expanding the circle in more normal subject to societal scrutiny “conventional” ways. No more kiss and friend guys.

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

with love, life and a multitude of thoughts,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

Mentalities


Holla Holla We dem boyz.

Holla Holla; we making noise.

images

Over the past few weeks, our internet has amassed a serious volume and number of disturbing stories. There’s the dress one, the baby being abused by her nanny/maid depending on what vocabulary you use and most recently, the racism one about Michael Brown.

Strip Me Not:

There’s this mentality that people have and are expressing that when you dress up, the clothes on your back are for the people around you. Meaning that, whatever you decide to wear has to be deemed appropriate. I have no qualms about decency; are jeans decent? are vests decent? are midi-dresses(for the male readers these are dresses that fall halfway between the knees and the ankles) The answer to all the above is a simple and unanimous YES!!!

And these are exactly what the victims were dressed in.

There are people out there convinced that the women had it coming. The videos of which i can’t even get past a couple of seconds, bear voices of the perpetrators and crowds screaming “Vua! Vua! Toa yote!” loosely translated to “Undress them! Undress Them! Take it all off!”

To some extent I do agree with the fact that the levels of decency must be respected enough such that when you wear something, you don’t have to feel overly exposed to the atmosphere. But there exists some strain of human beings that believe that women are there to be objects of pleasure and that alone. SO tell me dear readers, will someone with some misplaced and misconstrued mentality really let any female pass them by without lusting after them? It wouldn’t matter if they are adorned in a buibui, long skirt and wrist cuffed shirts, school uniforms, jeans vests, sweaters. Their aim will always be to look for what they want and try to get it by all means.

There was a protest early last week labelled “My Dress My Choice”. I think it was insanely brilliant. Regardless of how many people have asked “So now that they held the protest, now what?” ; or the best one I’ve heard “Why should our fellow men be privy to such nuisances in the name of advocating for women’s rights?”

In life, there’s always the good and the bad; the positives and the negatives.

Ask yourself this though, if you’ve watched the videos(which are insanely explicit) and have seen what those poor defenceless women went through, and HAVE YET TO DO ANYTHING yet you sit behind a screen and expose your ignorance to the internet by asking “so now?” are you any better? really? At least the protesters went out of their merry way to recognize that the dignity of the victims has been stripped off of them(literally) and were in a way trying to restore this dignity by giving them a voice and a platform.

Why should everyone be up in arms? Men included? Because you are from woman.

You have, or had a mother, a wife, a sister, an auntie, a grandmother, a daughter, a niece.

Would you strip them? I know the unanimous answer to this is a resounding NO! But how would you react when you come home to find that there’s a video of your “insert female relative here” was stripped in a public place by a bunch of rowdy men who then also tried to violate her? A video that was sent to your Whatsapp, and is doing the rounds on social media?

Would you lay your hand on another female knowing very well that it could be your “Insert female relative here??”

Isn’t there a better way to deal with the “indecency” as is claimed? Like perhaps and I’m going out on a limb here, covering her up and shipping her to the police station to be booked under indecent exposure?

And it seems that the perpetrators of the strip to teach actions are retaliating against the protest from last week. This new week, more videos have surfaced where women are being fondled after being stripped.

So you, Yes YOU behind that screen that is shaking their head in complete agreement with the perpetrators actions on stripping…are we still having the same mindset?

As I pointed out before, there’s a difference between tradition and whatever mentality people are trying to hide behind today.

It makes sense that we’re in Africa and some shit shouldn’t fly here because we’re cultured but to be honest, there’s nothing about tradition being practised by these “judge-jury and executioner” style men that strip women and consequently take turns to fondle them.

You cannot change the mind and opinion of someone who before they left the house decided that they would, if the scenario arises, willingly strip a woman and fondle her private parts on the guise of tradition.

 

But once again, I’m here behind a screen aren’t I?

I’m pretty sure that I would not know what to do if this happened to me. I cannot begin to empathize with these women because I do not know how it feels to be in their shoes. All I’m doing is sympathizing, pitying and as many of y’all are, thanking the stars that it’s not me.

And in fear and constant suspicion I am living, because even my loosely fitting jeans and my thick woollen sweater aren’t enough reassurance that I will be spared if I were to step out into the city.

Don’t ask the people who are sharing their opinions why they felt the need to do it but instead, come up with your own opinion. Don’t squash others voice because you have nothing better to say. If you have no solution, do not rain on the parade of those who are trying to seek one out. Just sit down, please and thank you.

Where has the society that we once knew disappeared to?

ubun

We talk about Ubuntu but noone wants to mention it in the midst of all this drama.

A child being abused by a nanny.

A young man being shot more than 6 times without any form of defence or any voice.

Dear society,

I know I’m writing to the wrong people but sometimes you need to vent and let it do its rounds on the internet.

Can we revert back to this tradition that we claim to be practising so hard?

If not then can you not turn a blind eye to what is happening around you?

Can we simply not be so quick to point the blame to any party or to judge?

Can we not be so quick to insist on tradition yet the people doing this follow no tradition but some form of “Mutated primal instinct”?

We are not animals so we cannot keep behaving as though we haven’t learnt about morals and cultures. 

Some will insist that this is only happening in the towns and cities like Nairobi and Mombasa but how about the many other unreported cases that take place in the rural areas? Is it still a case of tradition?

But then again, this is my opinion I suppose.

free

In the mean time, take a peek at this article that I came across that is pretty interesting.

Beyond My Dress My Choice

 

Until my next interaction with you lovely souls,

Good health, Positive Vibes.

 

Sincerely yours,

A concerned face behind a screen.

A voice behind a keyboard.

A concerned citizen.

A daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, auntie and future wife.

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

Why we lose friends in our 20s…


*some Emeli Sande to serenade your hearts and minds perhaps?*

I remember when I wrote 10 things every 20-something girl should know and how you, my amazing readers, thought that it was an interesting read.

Well here’s another one of those list thingamajigs my lovelies.

Hello my darlings.

Have I missed simply talking to you? YES.

Have I missed ranting and raving about anything and everything? YES.

Have I missed the love an affection that comes with writing to an audience that is not in my line of sight? HELL YEAH!!!

So let’s get to it then, shall we?

WHY DO WE LOSE FRIENDS IN OUR 20s?

(I insist on 20s because it’s at this stage of growth that we realize that well…life happens and people happen as well.)

1. BECAUSE LIFE HAPPENS

1. People change.

Everyone including yourself is changing; actually growing up. In this age-decade, we really have no strong idea of who we are so we look for what makes the most sense at the moment. We gravitate towards what seems to befit our lives and makes us satisfied so If there exist people who don’t fit with the mould, they are taken off the list; we bid them adieu.

heart and life

2. People move.

Sometimes, our friends relocate. I don’t mean to a town or another city that’s a bus/train ride away; i’m talking country and/or continent. Hard as it is to accept, at one point or another, you have to come to terms with the fact that you’ll probably never live in the same city or country ever again. So you need to decide whether or not the friendship is worth continuing.

3. Lifestyle changes.

There’s always that crowd of people who were/ are your turn-up buddies. So if at one point in time we decide to get off that daily turn-up and getting mashed any time you get the chance, it pretty obvious that the friendship will end on its own terms. Your “crew” will possibly refer to you as boring or “grandma”  the latter of which shouldn’t even be an insult. Who wouldn’t want to be as wise and as well-loved as a grandmother?

You get what I mean here though.

4. Relationships.

This obviously has to make an appearance. It’s all about being human. When one party ends up in an amazing relationship, surrounded with love and eventually encase themselves in that cocoon, the friendship will suffer. This is due to resentments and a feeling of being left out because you no longer spend time together. Most times, this should NOT be an obstacle, unless maybe the new significant other expressly tells them not to hang out with you…in which case, just wait it out. If, however, this is not the scenario, I believe it would be best to simply fade away and discover newer paths. The time spent resenting could be put to much better use.

live and love

5. Schedules.

I know all about schedules. This is such a scapegoat of a reason that you should be ashamed for even using this one. It may only apply to the weaker friendships though. If this has been the force behind a friendship break-up then simply realize that whoever that friend was, simply was in your life out of sheer convenience. It’s sad but true. Different/ busy schedules would never lead to loss of friends simply because they’ll always be a phone call or text away. My best friend knows this all too well.  :D :D

6.  Fights

They happen all the time. People get annoyed, tears may be shed, fists may fly faster than you can say theafricangirl, feelings get hurt, emotions reign supreme and egos…these huge egos get bruised=> The usual casualties of a fight. The only way this would lead to the severing of a -ship is if too much time passes before the reconciliation process happens. You see, in earlier years of our lives (high school, middle/primary school, kindergarten) if you get into a fight with your friend, you’ll eventually have to hash it over because you’ll be very likely to see them sooner rather than later. In our 20s, it’s an entirely different ballgame. You may choose not to go out and find the said friend in order to make like Koffi Annan and restore the peace through verbal communication and more often than not, you’ll not cross paths in years. After a while, some regret will check in, but by then it may be too late to make amends so you have to let the -ship sail for good.

7. simply because they are toxic. hazardous.

toxic

Well, I think this last one is pretty self-explanatory. If your friend encourages you to do things that you normally would never even think of doing, to be someone who everyone else sees as different(and not the good kind of different), who leads to your slow but sure destruction, who doesn’t really build you up but instead removes the very foundation on which you stand,,,you my dear, have some toxic beings in your life, and it would be completely positive for you to let them go.

TOXIC- Yael Naim

how coolio is this rendition of Britney Spears’ toxic? Love it.

That’s a couple of the reasons I could think of.

P.s. seeing as one man’s meat is another man’s poison, I believe y’all should understand that you possibly fall into one or more of these categories listed. So don’t think yourself as the one that’s always being wronged, we wrong others as well. (let he who is without sin be the first to cast the stone).

live and live

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

Acceptance


“Raise you like a phoenix”

(Fall Out Boy_ Phoenix)

.

Saying NO is always the easier option.

Choosing to think of the negative is always simpler.

Deciding to pick on the weak links is closer, right?

Opting to avoid the risks,

Digging holes in the ground to hide our faces.

Dark over light always wins in some people’s view.

I never understood why…

Until very recently that is.

It’s easier to let your thoughts consume you

And I realized that thinking is much like a never ending spiral.

One thought leads to another and one after that and it spirals out of control.

We are human, yeah?

We love to be in control of anything we come into contact with.

We are determined to try and alter nature to a form that we can rule.

And what happens when that doesn’t go according to plan?

We simply give up or deny or do anything that is beyond the positive.

We choose to deny simply because it’s harder to accept that which goes not according to our vision.

We pick dark over light because we are somehow inclined to that which gives comfort to our failure…

…because misery loves company.

We opt to seek solitude.

So the stages go from denial to over-thinking to self-loath to depression…

But isn’t it amazing how we’re supposed to rise up and accept our fate and move on?

socrates

Fate. Interesting word this one.

Do you believe in fate?

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t.

We control the outcome of our actions,

And with that said, we also determine our own destiny.

If we choose to live based on the negatives then who are you to complain when you’re labelled a pessimist?

Or if it’s the positives, an optimist would be your title.

So I decided that in acceptance of a situation, you find relief.

Which would you rather: relief or that long downward spiral of negativity?

 

Your attitude is everything.

Your mistakes don’t make you neither do they break you.

They build your character.

They’re like busted prototypes that point out where you went wrong

so you get up, dust yourself off and try again.

 

ACCEPTANCE.

 

…(part 4 of 4)…

Aaliyah – Try again.

 

So I was supposed to explain what prompted this four part series, non?

I will refrain from doing so because someone once said that:

“You should talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems”

Sometimes we sit down and examine our lives and concentrate on the few things that put us down albeit for a minute. We forget to appreciate the ever encompassing good in our lives and tend to put ourselves down way too much. We never realize that we have the power to rise above the negative…be it from within or from without.

I realized way back when that if you put down the thoughts that seemingly cause you unrest, whether on paper or virtually, your mind tends to find a release. So write the thought down and forget about it.

And with that, let’s do this acceptance shindig lovers and friends.

____Of the few things we can control, let’s take the lead and show life that we are stronger. _____

Positive vibes is the mantra.

Positive Thoughts,

Positive Feelings,

Positive Lives.

b405915144d4d39a73652b77f102997f

***P.s.  y’all should check out Gorgon City’s SIRENS album…it’s the beezneez***

 

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

 

Always A Lesson


.

I’m pacing up and down…

Same spot no progress.

The wear can be seen visibly yet i choose not to move.

I’m comfortable here.

I’m kinda sorta used to it here.

I’m not ready to move forward, back or sideways.

I won’t jump.

I won’t sleep nor lay down.

Is this the famous lack of motivation?

Or am I just really lazy?

Some say that you have to fight for those things that you want.

Fight the good fight.

That for which you fight, ought to be right.

Be the achiever that you’ve set your mind to be.

But what if the mind is not in it until it’s too late?

Until the opportunity is lost in the abyss like ink in water?

What then?

Because you can never be fully prepared for the failure bit.

Never be fully attuned to your expectations being shattered.

Noone really picks you up once you’re down and out.

But then again, noone tells you that you should be ready for disappointment.

Noone tells you not to be too hard on yourself.

Noone tells you that you should expect to fail though.

All they and yourself preach is that “i’ll get it the first time.”

And when reality checks in…

You want to run and hide.

But truth is, mistakes are made for a reason.

until youre broken

Learning from them is always the hardest part.

I have to put out my flame of pride to pick myself up off the ground?

I have to sit down and reflect on that failure?

I have to find a way to get back up?

With my own determination to push me forward?

Well, that’s not so hard.

Well, that’s not too bad.

Never a failure always a lesson right?

never

 

So learn I will…

Long arduous process but it must be done.

A million steps but all of them we must follow.

In order to live, we must grow.

In order to grow, we need to let go.

In order to let go, we need to know.

that,

In order to reap we must first sow.

failure

. . . (part 3 of  4) . . .

 

***Afterglow  by Wilkinson

Even though the dancing’s done,

Don’t worry cause the night is young

Who cares where we go

We’re ready for the afterglow.

 

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)

 

Another “Vantage” Point


rabbit hol

 

i’ve been mentally abused.

My abuser? Someone that I know.

Someone that I see in the mirror each time I look into it.

Someone that i’m living life for but seems unappreciative.

Someone whose thoughts warrant my listening.

Someone whose approval I crave.

….That someone is ME.

I hold enough power to destroy myself from within.

I stand at the best vantage point to do this and I do take advantage.

Because there’s no better way to destroy something than to kill it internally.

Kill is a strong word.

But it has to be said as is.

Am I too hard on myself?

Yes, I AM.

 

sword thoughts

How do you overcome this?

You can’t block out your thoughts can you?

So sometimes you end up lashing out at someone else;

Because they’ve said something that sounds insanely close to what you’ve been thinking,

Because they’re doing something that brought you back into the shell that is your thoughts,

Because they’ve finally discovered what a “nutcase” you are,

Because you’ve decided to link everything in a broad network of interconnected yet unrelated thoughts,

Because you’ve decided to do as they tend to call it “Overthinking”,

Because once something is put out into the universe, it can’t be taken back,

Because you would rather live in your own world than let other people in on your suffering,

Because you would rather not be the proverbial burden,

Because this thing called life always just goes on….

hanging on

thoughts

*Reader Discretion. Some of the pieces i put up will leave you on the throes of a breakdown. But then again, once I’m done,  you will learn to realize that the little things to you tend to be the big things to other people.  Pace Yourselves.*

(part 2 of 4)

Like i said,, at the end of part 4,,,it shall be explained. so Indulge your minds …or not… :)

 

and just listen to this random song that is so coolo and hippy.esc:

 The Head And The Heart – Lost In My Mind

 

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* :)