When Life Gives You Lemons:


Hello my doves.

So, I’ve been prompted time and again to write about a topic that I really refuse to acknowledge. I’m not sure how many draft posts I can type up before I accidentally hit publish rather than “Save As Draft”. But I suppose I’ve had one too many lemons over the past few years so the bitterness I hold towards this subject is more than justified.

 

“Where, O death, is your victory?
    Where, O death, is your sting?” 

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Morbid right? I never said it would be a happy post though. But since you’re all here, let’s keep reading shall we?

P.s. I hope you all are doing okay.

An amazing friend and blogger, Barbs, put it so well when she mentioned how we’re, maybe not all but most of us are, at a stage of life when death makes everything so real and that we can finally fathom the pain that comes with losing a loved one, be it a parent, a sibling, a friend…generally someone we have known and interacted, and who left a piece of them behind with every interaction (https://barbaraabwoga.wordpress.com/2016/06/28/so-long-farewell/).

When we were younger, we had halos of naivety and were protected by an air of innocence; so when someone passed, we were shielded from the realness of it by so many different things, but our brains did the most work in making sure we were “oblivious”.

Sometimes, it’s easier to blame the illness, the driver, the situation, the events that led up to it. We get caught up in trying to put the blame on something because why else would the good Lord just decide to take something away when it was a source of joy and hope to so many people?

You see, that is how I’ve always felt about someone’s passing. Blame it on whatever the cause was and hope to move on. Well, that was until my own brother passed and I had nothing to blame it on really. I couldn’t say that it was a terminal illness, I couldn’t blame it on an accident, I couldn’t blame it on anything except pure coincidence and that it was simply his time.

iremember

I have relived the moment over and over and over and maybe I just did not grieve or did I?

Maybe I just felt a tonne of guilt for not doing enough when I had the time to.

Maybe I just realized that death really was as final as they say.

I think I was numb.

Numb.

I only felt like breaking down because it was “expected” of me. In truth, my emotions were completely shut off. I was a zombie. My body could not process anything, even the simple task of shutting itself off to sleep, I was more than afraid of that. No eating? Check. Relying on outside interactions to keep my blood flowing and heart beating? Check. Finding a routine to stick to? Check. Deciding not to focus on the situation at hand? Check.

I was literally in a dark room, and I wasn’t about to be bothered to find my way out from the pitch darkness. Because if I came to, I would see only sadness, only tears, only so many other people whose lives were touched by your hands, your words, your presence, your hope, your vision. I would only see despair….pity. So like an elephant in a room, I ignored it.

I remember sending the texts to people in my contacts. Looking back now, and reading through that specific message, I see how detached it was. It was short, and straight to the point. It was specific enough for anyone who read it to know what had happened without having to answer to “those questions”. I sent it to specific people, because I knew that the message would be passed on to the rest.

I remember being in disbelief for so long because I wasn’t able to understand just how someone I happened to be so sure of seeing at the dinner table each and every night, someone whose music I would hear each time I opened my windows and he was home, someone who shared an unexplainable bond with me; I just could not for the life of me figure out that I wouldn’t see them anymore, in this life.

I remember the anger at my brother and at God. Why? There was so much more that he had to do before death was even a plan. The anger was at my brother. Why did you just not say that thing you wanted to say to me but said you’ll tell me the coming week? Why would you not let me tell you that I love you at least one more time? Why would you not get to see your next birthday, you didn’t want us to celebrate you? The anger was at my Maker.. Why could You just not wait until after I had one last glance at him? Why did it have to be at that specific moment? Why was there no warning that You were going to call him back?

I had so many questions, and so much more to say.

if

But I learnt something through death,

Although it comes unannounced, in most instances, and although it wreaks havoc on our emotions and plays on our very ingrained ability to form regrets, it heals too.

Although it brings up so many questions, we can never forget that there is a purpose behind everything. Only God knows of His plan…it’s not ours to alter.

In death I have learnt to live and say things if and when they come to mind. I refuse to wait for the “what ifs” in this unpredictable life. I have found myself being liberal with my openness towards a number of people and things.

Death has a way of creeping in and tearing open scars that you would think had scabbed over but with every new soul that is returned to sender, you’re brought back a few steps. You learn something about humility and once again desire to fulfil whatever you think is your destiny, while you still have the chance to.

d46ed13da99f41d42c1a663ef241ec9d

In death I have learnt to cherish the people who I believe matter or who hold me dear. I have learnt that sending a few messages filled with love and good vibes never hurt anyone. I have grown in death….actually no, I have grown in life.

It matters not how much time you spend with someone, but what is most important is how you left a mark on their lives and what type of mark you left.

Death always brings me to the point of questioning myself: If I died today, what kind of impact will people say I had on their lives? Was I just another human being that came through their lives and left it the same or did I make them change the way they think? Did I make them smile once in a while? Did I add some form of value to their lives?

We’re constantly stuck in a cycle of keeping up with time that has already passed. Stuck on wishing that we did this better, or we said this and that to someone whilst they were still around. Maybe it’s time to break this unforgiving cycle and start something new.

I say more of switching up the life we live to accommodate the positive energy that just wants to pour into our lives. Coming up with new ways to live and love the life.

1488323_230633213779567_507388006_n

I’m not about to watch someone I know come to the end of their journey on earth without them knowing what they meant to my life; be it how proud of their achievements I am, or be it how thankful I am to have them just move with me as I move through these 365 days we call years.

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from, what you do, or how you do it. What matters most, to me, is how people were touched by your hand.

What death has taught me?

Use the time now to patch up unnecessary grudges. Use the time you have now, to see and interact with the blessings(people) God grants you access to. It doesn’t matter whether you’ll meet them again in a few years or never see them again, all that matters is how much of an impact you can leave on their lives when you do talk to them or do something for them.

What death has taught me?

It’s not the end of everything. It’s a hint that you need to start/continue living.

My fallen soldiers are simply more than memories, they are the stars that light up the sky at night. They are the sun that shines ever so bright. They are the wind that blows each and every night.  They are the smile and the feeling of warmth you feel once in every random while. They are those deep breathes that you take and wonder why you feel so calm all of a sudden. They are still living, just not alive.

J.Cole – Love Yourz

No such thing as a life that’s better than yours

For what’s money without happiness?
Or hard times without the people you love
Though I’m not sure what’s ’bout to happen next
I asked for strength from the Lord up above
Cause I’ve been strong so far
But I can feel my grip loosening
Quick, do something before you lose it for good
Get it back and use it for good
And touch the people how you did like before
I’m tired of living with demons cause they always inviting more

That’s it from my end of the globe.

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With life, love, sun and positive vibes,

Let the memories keep us venturing into the unknown and inspire us to live and not just be alive.

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

Behind The Smile(3)


Hey my doves, New week, new found hope I should think?

The last two posts in this series were about “definitions” and symptoms….well, this one is about statistics and gender.

.Depression.

The stats and Chromosome XY:

It’s the inability to speak and reach out for help because you’re supposed to be man enough. Men don’t get phased by emotions. Men are hard core. As long as you have something that hangs between your legs and have reached puberty, petty things like talking about your feelings are supposed to be left to the female legion.

depression-pic-and-quote

I’m a man. I don’t need the support. I’ve got enough testosterone to take care of myself so this feeling clearly, I can handle with zero support.

I don’t want to be seen as a failure by reaching out.

I’m failing as a man when I seek help; when I feel suicidal.

It’s in the magazines. All I see is abs, best workouts, protein shakes, guys night that simply entail beer, chips and a sport. Advice columns run wild with how to get the girl, how to satisfy your partner, how to stay in the game. There’s a distinct absence of anything feelings related.

Man enough? Hard Core?

When i’m hanging with the mates we can talk about anything and everything but the second you bring up feels and how you possibly can’t cope, we run for the hills. We just cannot talk about that stuff with our boys.

When I’m talking to my spouse/girlfriend/female friends, we can talk about the feelings but not in-depth. Barring my soul in its entirety to the female sex? I’m not weak. It doesn’t help that when we finally get to the nitty gritty of the feelings talk, she just can’t handle it. I mean, you tell me all the time to get in touch with my feminine side “feelings” but when I do, you don’t know how to respond to me. So what’s the point anyway?

I’m not a sissy.

When I finally want to talk, noone wants to listen. Instead, they bring up their own points and try give advice when all we want is an ear…I just want to talk about it.

images

 

Sometimes I talk to my mother, said an 18 year old victim, he took his life a few years later. She gives the best advice, but mom, I don’t want advice, I want you to actually listen and not tell me that I’ll grow out of this. It’s just a phase you keep saying. But mom, I’ve been drowning on and off for a while now. Listen to me.

So I turn to something that will keep the “unmanly” feelings away. The beer, the late nights, the obsessing over work, the smoking, the girls. I’m trying to drown out the voices. To drown out the feeling of not having the balls or not being man enough. I’m trying to show that if I gym just enough, my muscles will make up for the emotional mess that I really am in.

Blot out all emotions. Block out signs of weakness. I’m a man.

tumblr_n0aa14G8391rq18uuo1_500

It doesn’t help that the male child has been on the back burner for a while as the world prioritizes the girl child.

Not all suicidal people are depressed, and not all depressed people are suicidal. Remember that.

I can’t pay my bills, I can’t get anything higher than a certain grade in school, my dad wants me to take over business and I’m not necessarily ready, my spouse passed on, my girlfriend left me or I left her, we’re physically apart for too long, how will I provide for my kids? What kind of father will they look up to? I’m the strong one, they can’t see my tears, they can’t catch sight of my defeat.

I’m a man.

Figure out the triggers. Be conscious of what your mind and body are trying to tell you and be conscious of those in your circle…seek to be involved, legit involved; no superficiality.

That’s the thing about emotional pain. You can’t say that it hurts here, get some medicine and you’re cured.

It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that.

You’re only human.

Remember that.

…. part three …. Behind the Smile(3)

Coldplay – Fix You

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones

I will try to fix you.

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

Another One For The Books


Hello my doves.

(Disclaimer: I drafted this on December 30th, so if you spot something that alludes to the “past year” and what not, keep this in mind.)

I figured my last first post would be about “counting those blessings”. You know that when you’re taking stock especially of the positives, then it’s simply the same as counting your blessings right?

Anywho, let’s get our dust coats on, our clipboards and note pads and take stock for the year that was.

Making: plans to be a gym junkie…yeah, my body finally decided that I’ve been consuming all the wrong things for too long. 😥

Cooking: Vegetable fried rice because what is plain rice?

Drinking: Water….been downing a little more than 2 litres a day and on the off occasion that I’ve reduced that intake, my body just cries foul. (on the down low, maybe that bottle glass of Robertson’s winery has yet to be put down.) and green tea(infused with mint).

Reading: For my CATs….smh. I had such a chill Christmas break that my brain just is refusing to comprehend that we’re back in school.

Wasting: no time spreading that “better yourself” mantra. Rethink your ways and work on being a better version of yourself. 🙂

Wishing: that I could see some people everyday really. But alas, when the universe has other plans, then my nigga you roll with the times.

i wish

Enjoying: the relaxation that I had the past couple of weeks. Christmas should come around more often….talk about cruising down the streets of my city, my town.

Liking: the responsiveness of my body and skin. Dear water, thank you.

Wondering: How much of an impact someone else can have on your life.

Loving: the learning process that is life. Was a pretty intense year (2015) and a lot of stuff was thrown at me, but we rise above it and carry on.

Marvelling: At how short December is,,,just the other day it was the 1st and I was making plans, and now four weeks flew by and boom! it’s January guys.

Needing: A proper vacation. I know, I know. It’s always going to be a feature. Even after a vacation is up, I’ll always want another one soon after. I’m human. Buuuuuuut that beach has called out to me for far too long.

ZANZIBAR

Smelling: of such a flirt (V.S) Really trying to get used to it because my warm vanilla sugar stock ran out. 😦 I’m that one scent type of guy. And a hint of Chanel’s allure homme…something about this one.

Following: CHAAAAAARMMMMEEEDDDD. Remember the show about the witches and the drama? Yes. I just put myself up to watch season 1-8 all over again. Who’s with me?

Noticing: That i’ve been getting bat shit angry at things lately. What’s upsetting my chi? I need to find that centre….Yogaaaaaaa. 😉

Knowing: that there’s people out there who recognize my blog and silently hope I keep writing…I see you. I love you. Thank you.

Thinking: about how I want to look and be in 6months, because graduation. I have enough things to set up before that happens. Plans. That’s all.

Feeling: Overly excited and happy at everything. I guess, when you let the right energies in, it works for you.

Bookmarking: pastry courses and schools….hmmmm…

Opening: the Justin Beiber page on youtube…and nope, it’s not too late now to say sorrrryyyyyy.

Giggling: at camp lakebottom. such an interesting cartoon.

Eating: a red velvet cupcake with whipped cream frosting….what are calories? You’ve got to eat all day every day. (Because it’s Christmas)

 

Well,,,I actually wish I had gotten around to posting this up last year after the beliefs series.

It still works out now innit?

Also, I found someone else who listens to Chet Faker like me. Talk about excited. It’s quite rare to find people who discover the same odd music you enjoy.

so have some Chet Faker; some psychedelic and energy moving music.

*release your problems*

 

Happy New Year my lovely lovely doves.

To taking our tasks head on, and hoping our plans are in God’s will,

To learning to love and be loved,

To desiring wildly and learning,

To giving ourselves permission to move a step forward,

To this intense pursuit of happiness.

hny

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

Beliefs(3)


Hello my doves.

How much of a superwoman do I feel like? Walking and spitting rainbows maaaaaannnnn. 3 posts, 3 days and i’m still dre running.

Are you well? I hope so. I’m just seated here bumping to Christmas carols, with my Christmas sweater, sipping on some peppermint hot chocolate….tihihi. Don’t go skimping on that Christmas spirit.

 

Beliefs(part3): All Men Are Dogs

not all men

Let’s see how a common belief is given life and “purpose”.

This seems to be the biggest phrase among women across all generations. Why are all men dogs? If you ask around, you’ll be given the straight up answer that even my nephew could come up with, “All men are dogs because All men are simply dogs.”

And now let’s figure out the origin of such a deluded thought,,,you know if all men are dogs then the same goes for all the men in your family right? But that’s debateable.

So here the story goes:

You get onto the dating scene, 1st love, 1st boyfriend. You’re excited, You’re hopeful, You’re giving out 100% of everything.

You fall deeply, and you fall hard, and you honeymoon for all of 1 minute. If it works out, awesome.

However, when it doesn’t work out and y’all break up, that’s where the misconceptions come in.

You hibernate for a long minute, you cry yourself to sleep, wallow in icecream and fudge cake, you begin your “hate” for all things of the opposite sex.

And you say “I’m never dating AGAIN”.

Fastforward to a couple of months, weeks, years later and this nice guy comes a-knocking. You start to fall but then you remember that the previous time, your 100% didn’t get you anywhere, so this time you go in at 80%. You go in with an element of “If it works then that’s cool, and if it doesn’t then i’ll be done with men for good.”

A few months go by and you’re hopeful then something happens and the relationship comes to an end. Pow. That’s another blow to your ego…

You begin to question what’s wrong with you, and why you’re attracting temporary people in your life. What IS wrong with you? Nothing is wrong with me you would most definitely argue. Then you conclude that it must be the guys, like what the hell is wrong with them?

Cue the next potential gentleman. Well, he could be pulling all the right strings and stops to prove that it could work, but you’re at 60% bro. You’re putting in 60% babes. Yet you expect someone who’s giving 100% not to notice it? So he treats you like that 60%, and when you call it quits, you immediately ask yourself “why are they dogs?”

So guess what? At this point if you think you’re dating dogs then it means that you’re just as much of a dog as the men you deal with darling.

Next relationship, 40% in, 60% out. You go in with one foot already outside the door. You probably were an athlete in a past life, but that’s irrelevant here. You know it’s over before you get into it so you just date for the sake of it. Sigh. And you think to yourself, if all i’m attracting are dogs then why not play that game then. This is definitely how players come about or so I think. See, you’re a bitch now, yeah because dogs don’t date humans, they date other dogs.

But when you get to that 20% input point,,,chill.

See that’s a belief, based on experience and own knowledge and experience. You went in with a heart of gold, and came out of the “battle” with shards of glass and sand.

mindset.jpeg

How to change this mindset? (Change it such that if ever you go back to dating and things end, then it doesn’t affect your perception of the next suitor that comes into your life).

The amazing lady at the session (as mentioned somewhere in part 1) took us through the motions.

Step 1: Take yourself out of the game. When you get to the point of doing it just because, then step out of the scene for a minute. The rationale behind this step is that you’re going into it for all the wrong reasons now.

Step 2: Stop blaming the men. All these guys you’ve dated have nothing in common amongst themselves unless they were brothers, cousins, friends. The only other thing that brought them together is YOU. So stop blaming them.

Step 3: Don’t blame yourself. Trying to pin the blame on something never resolves anything really. If you haven’t noticed it as you’re growing up, then realize it now. The blame-game never works.

Step 4: Look into yourself. Reassess your ideals, your intentions, understand who you are without the relationships. Date yourself first. This tends to be hardest really. Because we have egos from here to the sun so sitting down and looking within yourself doesn’t really appeal to us.

Before you get back in the game, you need to come to the conclusion  that not all men are these supposed “Dogs” baby.

It took you a long time to go from 100% to that 20% and now you need to build it back up from that 20% to a proper 100%. Trust, must start with yourself. If you don’t trust yourself then you won’t trust anyone else and you won’t allow them to trust you.

Befriend yourself, see how hard it is to be your own friend or how smooth , easy breezy it is.

Step 5: Reconcile with yourself.

Accept that you haven’t been treating yourself right and by this, you also haven’t been treating everyone else right. And by virtue of this, others also don’t treat your right because they see how you value yourself.

Step 6: Replace the belief that all men are dogs with new knowledge. This new knowledge comes from books (read and read and read), videos and other people who have seen the “light” and have proven that men aren’t dogs.

This is the most important step actually. You cannot switch up a belief without replacing it with new knowledge.

replace the beliefs.jpg

 

Step 7: Get back in the scene once you’ve reconciled with yourself. Doesn’t mean that you wear your heart on your sleeve, but be more open minded. :*

And with that folks, I’m done with these all men are dogs shenanigans. Ps. dogs can be replaced with players, untrustworthy, useless, inferior…you know the whole shabang that the internet alludes to.

Superficial beliefs….check yourself.

That’s part….: 3 of 4 :…. folks, I’ll probably put up all parts by the end of the week so brace or embrace(because *hugs*) yourselves.

Until then,

Have some Sam Feldt:

Tired of giving my love and getting nowhere

Isn’t this song just the bombdiggity?

Tomorrow’s another day folks.

With love and love and oceans of Christmas spirit,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

Beliefs (2)


sanat hat *whispers “Christmaaaaassssss”*

Hollaaaaaaa darlings.

So I’m here casually churning out post after post….woaaaaaaah.

Are y’all good? I hope so and that nothing devastating happened between yesterday and today.

On with it I suppose?

BELIEFS(part2): LIFE

The last post was about good vs bad personality and behaviour.

This one’s about life(the stages) in general. And yes, it all is from the same amazing speaker as I had mentioned.

As a kid, you grow up with a lot of people expressing their wisdom. The proverbial “by this age you should have done this and that” …

You see failure is taught to us from when we literally don’t even know our own bodies and the difference between girls and boys.

The other I bumped into this small kid who asked me why I don’t have my own car. I flat out laughed, then I looked at the serious faced kid and asked, why would you ask that? And he replied, “Because my mum says that big people who don’t drive don’t have money.”

…..Ummm….PAUSE….

A kid, who’s a little less than 5years old, said what? But but but……he didn’t know any better.

You see this is the kind of thing that many of us grow up repeating and repeating such that if you get to a certain age and haven’t achieved this particular thing, You think you’re failing.

 

Hey man. Where am I supposed to get a car and a house at 21 yet I haven’t worked for substantial pay in all my years of living and I would like it better if I didn’t have to get it from my parents? Does that make me a failure?

Some things we learn from the Western cultures hardly hold any water if they’re not copied in their original context. At 16, they’re clearing high school and can work to pay for their needs……When I was 16 I thought about Westgate and Junction hangouts like I was on a payroll. I had nothing else to think about because my folks back at work, were doing something to provide for my movie every weekend self.

As always, I digress.

There’s some things that are drilled into our minds from when we were young that If you look into at the present moment, really don’t matter especially when you consider thh change in circumstances and all that jazz.

The ideal life as has been passed on through generations goes like this:

Kindergarten at age 5/6.

Finish High School(inclusive of o-levels) at age 17/ 18.

Finish Uni at age 21/22.

Start working at age 21.

Move out at age 21.

Drive your own car by age 24.

Date and Get married between ages 20 and 27.

Get a mortgage(which is not the same as owning the house) or Own a house by age 30.

Ummm…first kid at age 25….

Second kid at 27 and third at age 29/30.

stages-of-life

…..

I’ll break there because well, I think you get the gist and the series of events.

You see where this kid wasn’t far off…(granted that I have a few years before I can be called out for not driving my own car). This is the vision most guys have.

But what happens when you get to 27 and you still are in Uni and live in your parents care? What then? Society calls you out for being a “failure”.

What happens when you’re 25 and have no future prospects to wed or be wed to? The women, the mothers and aunties, start to “get worried” and try to talk to you to see whether you’re the one with the problem. You get invited to talks about finding the “One”.

And what happens when you have a kid before marriage? Damn society. And there you are patting someone on their back when they sleep with more girls than the fingers on their hands.

 

So many double standards because “Beliefs”.

no-really-enough-with-double-standards01-300x228

What I’m trying to point out here is that you should strive to achieve the things you set out to, based on where you are at a certain point in time. You can’t expect to drive your own self-bought car at age 16, here, because you’ve been in school from 0800-1800hrs, studying and not earning your own money.

So if that’s the case, why give anyone else a hard time?

Question those beliefs and then ask yourself,

If this belief didn’t exist, would I be different? (Would it greatly impact how I live my life and go about my business? )

If you answer yes, then look at whether the  effect on you is positive or negative.

Then reassess especially if it’s negative.

rethink.jpg

Don’t pass on shoddy beliefs to the generations to come simply because it’s what was said to you; I mean it didn’t work but because it was said with so much insistence, it must be true.

Superficial IDEALS….check yourself.

That’s part….: 2 of 4 :…. folks, I’ll probably put up all parts by the end of the week so brace yourselves.

Until then,

Have some Jess Glynne:

With love and love and oceans of Christmas spirit,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

Beliefs(1)


Hello there my doves.

It’s you? It’s you my man? You good?

Alright.

f-beliefs

BELIEFS(part 1):

What is a belief?

I had the pleasure of attending an amazing event a minute ago dubbed Restoration Experience. Dear ladies, if you need a touch of light in a schedule filled with too much dark, then you definitely need to be at the next one.

Anywho, the session was about beliefs.

A belief is something that you live by either as a result of something your experienced so you formed an attitude(positive or negative) toward it, or it’s a result of stories passed down and reiterated as you grow up(culture and tradition).

images

PART 1:

The Good girl vs Bad girl:

See, from the time you’re a young and very impressionable child, you heard the phrase, that’s not what good kids do, if you want to be a good girl, do this instead. To this you have two outcomes, strive to live up to that good girl image OR prove how much of a badass you can really be.

Once we have become the undoubtedly model “bad girl” or “good girl”, we still don’t stop to question the notion behind this belief. We may ask ourselves, why do I do this and that? And the answer remains, because it’s what good/bad girls are supposed to do.

We accept everything we are told without really questioning why the person telling us something, says that thing or believes it without a doubt.

I know you’re going over your lives and trying to decipher which one you are right now.

And now you’re trying to figure out the motive behind a multitude of your actions.

You recall that certain things were said to you by your mother, who was told by her grandmother and the family tree that extends further back. I don’t really remember the examples that the amazing facilitator used but thanks to experience, here’s some real life examples that I conveniently remembered as I typed this out.

Let’s say that you’re finally all grown up and have been doing the “bad stuff” i.e smoking cigarettes or drinking on the regular. You see, we do most of these things for our own pleasure, or rather, that’s the mindset I have when I dive into many of the things I do. So if you’re struggling to do them in secret because you don’t want to ruin the good girl image, You don’t want to be seen by the parents, your siblings, your circle, then to what end is whatever it is that you do?

The flip side works as well. If you do something on the regular just because you want others to see you as the bad girl, is it really working for you?

I’ve had the honour of speaking with a couple of people who have told me their struggles and with their permission, I can use their examples on here. One of the girls told me that the only reason she goes out, isn’t to have fun, but to prove to her mother that she’s that bad girl she’s always insisted on her being. You see, the notion that she’ll never be a good girl, pushed her to believe in it even when there was no premise or cause behind this belief. And now, she finds herself in the wrong crowd, always seeking an out but with the way her mind is set up, she’s trapped.

This other dime piece said that she has more tattoos than the fingers on both hands, ranging from full back, to thighs, to ribs to just about any spot on her body that she can hide comfortably with everyday clothing. I asked her whether her parents knew about it and she said that they didn’t. She had asked about it once and was out-rightly told that tattoos are for the girls who don’t know what direction their life is headed. Now you tell me, what damage is this doing to a kid who knows what they want in life and are working towards it, but with tattoos, it automatically means failure? Yeah…she’s a “good” girl with the fam but to everyone else, she’s the girl with the inked bod.

What’s the point of living a “double” life?

good girl bad girl

Think about it.

If you find yourself struggling to be this “good girl” or this “bad girl” then question what makes you believe that that is how to do things. Question the “why?”.

Why do I do this? Is it because I have been told not to do otherwise by someone else or is it because I came to the conclusion based on my own knowledge, that I should be doing this?

I’m not saying question everything you do,,,because some of the things we do have made us who we are,

But if you’re in the struggle to uphold an image….my dove, you need to reevaluate something somewhere.

 

Learn to reason and realize that “WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM”.

prison

That’s part….: 1 of 4 :…. folks, I’ll probably put up all parts by the end of the week so brace yourselves.

Until then,

Have some Jessie J:

 

With love and love and oceans of Christmas spirit,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

My Circle (1)


Hello my doves.

Temporary hiatus over…dealing with life is kinda difficult non? But alas, we gotta do what we gotta do.

How are you all?

Amazing and filled with positive energy I hope? Cooler than the frosting on my cupcakes is what I am.

I’ve been reading about this alot really. My eyes just happen to be drawn to these articles about friendships and living life and circles and I figured, it’s a sign. I’ll write about it and see how that goes. So, here we are.

Happy July my doves.

MY CIRCLE:

A circle is defined in the dictionary of the English language as:

cir·cle
ˈsərk(ə)l/
noun
noun: circle; plural noun: circles; noun: cir.; noun: circ.
a round plane figure whose boundary (the circumference) consists of points equidistant from a fixed point
  (the center).

It can also be defined by “us new-age kids” as the people who you surround yourself with…which coincidentally, is also in the dictionary as follows:

cir·cle
ˈsərk(ə)l/
noun
a group of people with shared professions, interests, or acquaintances.
“she did not normally move in such exalted circles”
synonyms: group, set, company, coterie, clique;

**This is not turning into English 101 so please, calm your body organs.

Jim Rohn said that You are the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with.

jimrohn_

Circle:

Like I said, I’ve been reading all about company lately. Pretty interesting and eye-opening articles that are bookmarked, read and consequently deleted or forgotten.

foolsaccompany fools

To figure out your circle, you need to clear up a couple queries:

~Who are You?

You know in order to make friends, you have to sell yourself to someone in a certain way. We all know about first impressions right? The impression you give off, determines who gets roped into the attraction game of friendship.

I attended a class that talked about the 30 second elevator pitch. Basically, you’re in a corporate environment and you happen to get onto the same elevator as the CEO of the company. With an average of 30 seconds till you get to your floor or their floor, what information can you give up to leave a lasting impression? A friendship basically starts on the same grounds I guess. You have a few seconds of eyeing each other up before even one word leaves your mouth…Will what spews from your mouth be enchanting enough to drag people into your life or repel them?

My body is attracted to your body but when you speak, my brain gets angry

My body is attracted to your body but when you speak, my brain gets angry

How do you culture the right circle? Actually, how do you culture the right anything? Know Yourself first….or rather, know your 4 selves as I had stipulated in an earlier post, HERE. The beginning of a union starts with one person; that person needs to at least have a semblance of themselves before getting into the union.

think to be

~What type of energy do you project?

This goes hand-in-hand with the “Knowing yourself”.

If you constantly think negative or do negative things, then you attract that exact energy towards yourself. Ever wonder why sometimes when you feel pushed beyond the threshold of what you can acceptably handle, and you think about not being able to succeed, you start to notice the little things the people in your circle do that lead them and are now leading you to a certain end? Sorry, did that make any sense? In simpler terms, negative attracts negative just as positive attracts positive…*ignoring all you physics majors…life isn’t physics bro. Don’t give me that opposites attract narrative.*

When you’re positive, more so in your thoughts, you start to notice the compliments, you start to take in the brightness of the sun even when there is an absence of warmth, you begin to realize that there’s more than enough things in the lives of those in your circle that you need to appreciate more often.

Also, you realize and can clearly identify what you want from a friendship and what your circle wants from you.

energies

~Short term? Long term? Term?

What are your short term goals? What are your long term goals? Where do you see yourself in five years?

Sorry, I was watching Think Like A Man today and these lines are stuck in my head.

Any who, realize that some circles have a shorter lifespan than others. It’s always up to you to figure out just what that span is. I’ll take the example of guys who drink. You have probably changed drink-circles enough times, because at one point or another you realize that hey! this is not one to last for after this round, or after this period.

Always know the lifespan.

I’m a friend lover. I tend to insist that once were friends, you can’t get rid of me. I’ll be around you in whatever capacity. You can’t start something with the notion that it won’t last because now that you’ve sent it out to the universe, then it won’t last. It’s like doing an exam and thinking about how you’ll fail, well it’s no surprise when you do fail even though you had made the effort to study. Your mindset controls everything you do.

Always figure out when it’s time to sever ties even when your heart doesn’t feel up to the task. You don’t sit in a sinking ship because you know you can hold your breath under water.

_____End of_____

______Part One______

This is a multi-part kind of post.

A circle holds so much information. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket they say. >>Irrelevant maybe<<

 

In the meantime, here’s that lion king jam that gives you all the good vibes:

***The Circle of Life***

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

with love and love and friendly vibes galore,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

Celebrate the Little Victories


Hello lovely readers.

I feel like we have bond of sorts, non?

MAY I ask y’all a question?

…all pun intended there.

How are you guys? Amazing I hope?

I’m good…could be better but i’m good either way.

So how are your Maydays coming along? Are we checking what we’re eating? Or have we abandoned ship already. I’m snacking on a slice of banana bread(read cake) and a mug of apple cinnamon infusion as I type this…ps. there’s a cheddar chicken bacon sandwich calling my name once lunch rolls around. Surprisingly, I’m always eating in the office. My workmates have come to realize that I’ll always have a snack in my bag…an apple, peanuts, cashews, chevda…I’ve got the stash. And then I bought the kettle,,,so it’s all about that apple cinnamon tea whenever the desire hits.

Anywho, that’s not the point of this one.

celebrate1

THE LITTLE THINGS:

When you’re a perfectionist / have slight OCD like myself, it’s all or nothing. If something doesn’t come to pass the way I envisioned it, it’s a fail really, in my eyes though.

So here’s people calling me and telling me that I’ve done a good job and in my mind I’m thinking, it could have gone so much better than this. Remember that post about being your own worst enemy? Well, it’s a hard habit to kick.

Why would you celebrate the little victories when you can await the so-called big deals?

Go big or go home. But what if the bigger victories are slightly further off?

You’re about to have bacon? Are you going to get worked up over not having steak or are you going to be excited and throw a mini bacon party?

images

It’s the small wins that pave way for the bigger victories. (with reference to the bacon  and steak example)

Celebrate Good Times Come On!!…*breaks out a dance move, pops hip,,,sits down and taps foot against floor*

My mom tends to insist that you need to appreciate the little things before you’re capable of getting the bigger deals.

It makes sense in a way actually.

th

So guys, do celebrate the smaller doses of good tidings. It’s all about recognizing how far you’ve come from when you started out.

On the random days that I walk home from work,,,you should see me timing myself…10 minutes from points A-to-B, 15 minutes to junction-C, 10 minute power-walk from junction-C to the estate-D, 2 minute half walk-half sprint to the house-E. All timed using the music on my playlist… One time I did all this in 7 songs(p.s that’s about 28 minutes)…I could feel the fitness dreams budding me…then I bought a packet of masala fries and that was that. I celebrated with food. :p

If the big things in life tend to disappoint you, why not turn to all the less consequential goings-on instead?

Take the measure of the small stuff, and string all those little joys together to create your own little corner of good vibes.

images

WHY CELEBRATE THE SMALL THINGS?

1. Your mood goes all the way up.

It’s such a boost to your current mood. To recognize that you’re a step ahead of where you were yesterday.

2. Your self-esteem tends to be impacted on positively.

We all know what happens to ourselves(mind…remember the four dimensions of the self from the last post) when we are constantly put down yeah? So why not believe in the opposite but to limit it so that it doesn’t reach out to the extremes i.e. You having a big ego(am I the only one who sang that in tune with Beyonce??)

3. You get motivated to carry on.

When you pat yourself on the back at the end of each step or stride you make, you tend to believe that your goal is now within your reach and you are now at liberty to go for it some more.

4. You deserve it.

Well, you put in the work, lost a couple hairs from your head, missed a couple hours decade of sleep, so now that you’ve come to the rewards part, go crazy. You did the crime, so take the time….pretty sure that’s not how that goes but hey! I’m celebrating here and you can’t tell me nothing.

5. Just because.

I know, this isn’t too valid…much like the “Because I said so” but hey, why give reasons when you want to feel accomplished.

P.s this has had me jamming in the office since yesterday….woohooooo!!!!!

There’s a party goin’ on right here
A celebration to last throughout the years
So bring your good times and your laughter too
We gonna celebrate your party with you

461074876_640

(notice the cupcake photo…thanks google, you read my expectations and came through pretty spot on)

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

with love, positive vibes and victory cupcakes galore,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

What You Feed Yourself


Hello my lovelies.

I hope you’re all amazeballs and if you aren’t, get yourself a cupcake, pat yourself on the back and say “I’m doing a good job”.

I, on the other hand, am over the moon. You know those things that you never think could affect you but once the hurdle has passed, you feel as though your load is ten times lighter? Well, I’m there. Clearly, I’m behind on this results bandwagon non? Guys checked theirs a couple of weeks back but due to me never having time or maybe I was stalling, I’ve only just checked for them online.

Shall we do this final year and show them how it’s done then? (P.s yes, I survived). You know you’re in Varsity when the instead of doing well, you state that “You’re Surviving”.

So that’s what’s up folks.

Onward;

This has been sitting in my “maybe” pile for a couple of weeks now but I figured its time had come.

WHAT DO YOU FEED YOURSELF?

Have I talked about this before?

Well, if I have, it probably revolved around something completely different from what I’ll spill on this post.

mind_body_soul_heart

1. Yourself = Your Body

(p.s. listen to Micasa- Your Body)

What do you eat?

As I write this, i’m snacking on an Avocado, tomato, cheese and ham sandwich, sipping on some lemon-orange infused water.

***Disclaimer***

I’m not about to tell you to do healthy things or start gyming today.

I’m simply being aware of the things that I ingest my system…Granted that I bake enough cakes and pastry to feed a small village.

There’s certain things that you eat and afterwards you wonder whether your brain will really function afterwards…Ugali does it for me…One serving and my brain shuts off…seeing only sleep in its path. If you want to be active, I think you should know by now just what keeps your brain juice going right?

My sister eliminated wheat from her diet…I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Not when my love for chapati and pastry reigns supreme. She’s a tough one that’s for sure.

There’s certain things you consume and if your warning signals light up…maybe it’s not such a good idea then?

I’d go into drinks and beverages but alas….this is not one of those fitness pages…YET. *Kidding….not really but kidding)

2. Yourself = Your Mind

This is more like it.

I keep reiterating that I’m a Positive Vibes enthusiast.

I’ve come into so many amazing results simply because I told my mind that every little thing, is gonna be alright(Hey Nesta).

If your mind is filled with positivity, and your being is  surrounded with positive energy, then there’s no other reason for unnecessary disappointments. Granted that God is playing a role in your life, then I think you’re good to go.

Stop with the negative thinking guys, because only negative things will sprout from that.

What thoughts do you let flow through your mind space?

Do you constantly look to another’s destruction?

Do you loathe another’s success or well being?

Do you want another’s downfall?

What do you put in your mind?

index

3. Yourself = Your Heart

Do you know what pumps into your veins? I know we may or may not remember the little biology about oxygenated and….well let’s skip the recap.

Do you feel love for a being because you are loved?

You know you can only dish out what you receive,,,give out what you get, receive only that which you dish out.

So does your heart give off the kind of vibes that you want to receive or have been receiving.

I’m pretty sure you’ve seen a couple of people who put up a certain facade and after a while when the real them turns up, you wonder what on earth is happening. Well, that’s because at one point or another, the facade gets too difficult to hold up; the facade fades.

So what do you feed your heart? A boatload of positive emotions I should hope.

dfbe39f54a75fd641bc7da3744ef8762

4. Yourself = Your Soul

As a christian, I genuinely believe that God exists and he’s the owner of my soul. There’s always a desire to be better than your brain can quantify, to live for a being greater than yourself.

So my soul is a big deal. If there is an afterlife, then how do I want to spend it? See, you can only take care of your afterlife in the present life. What steps are you taking to ensure that your soul is intact/in good enough condition for the time when you’re returning it to sender?

Regardless of what deity you worship, you believe that there’s a greater meaning to life than simply surviving here on earth.

Am I that cheesy blogger that’s overselling this positive vibes shenanigans?

If you think so then do let me know and I’ll see how to handle that.

Otherwise,

***Ugali – A maize-meal dish we have in Kenya that’s a bit like the Nigerain fufu for all my non-locals ***

That’s all from yours truly.

Here’s a cupcake because i’m all about what I feed myself.

IMG_20150307_131328

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

with love, positive vibes and cupcakes galore,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

What makes you tick?


Olla my lovelies.

As always, i’m late at this…blame it on writer’s block…or it’s because anything I’ve put down the last couple of tries didn’t have enough soul to it.

I’m a perfectionist or I have slight OCD…so if something doesn’t look right…and it’s the work of my hands then I don’t feel it proper to share with anyone else. Like when my cupcakes backfire, i’ll bake more until I get the perfect batch for selling…well,,,perfect in my eyes.

I’m one of those guys that would probably go back and correct an assignment…long after I handed it in and received my grade. It’s a good and yet bad thing but such is life I suppose. C’est ma vie,,,et ma vie est belle.

Oooh…where are my manners? How are y’all? Good Awesome Amazing Extraordinarily Enjoying life? I do hope so.

Well, Writer’s Block? Bye Felicia.

My better half conscience constantly reminds me to upload content on the blog. So here we are now…finally figured out what to write.

WHAT MAKES YOU TICK?

Not as impersonal as you think....here's my wrist guys

Not as impersonal as you think….here’s my wrist guys

Tick? No not that blood sucking pest( which reminds me…do you remember that PowerPuff Girls episode that had that weird thought-sucking villain?)

But yes, tick.

To tick…if taken literally based on the workings of a clock…means to move.

So my content is mostly going to be based on trying to figure out what makes people to be moved to do something, to reach out, to strive to succeed…to live.

I asked this to le workmates recently and seeing as they are IT people,,,few words were exchanged. But I generally figured out what made them choose to code and deal with software, hardware and technology.

One said,

“I want to fix things. I figured that seeing as I can’t fix people, then i’d rather fix something non-living. If I can sit down for hours taking apart and putting together a computer, over and over, I cultivate my skills of being patient enough to deal with people.”

The other one said,

“I like challenges. If I work on something that won’t cause my hands to get clammy or my thoughts to go on overdrive…why should I do it? I do it because it’s proven to be an interesting challenge.”

 

When you surround yourself with people who know what drives them, don’t you get inspired to express your own driving factor?

 

They say passion is the greatest driver of them all.

He drives with such elegance and intensity that it’s pretty difficult to ignore his bulky frame when he steps into your thoughts. He takes charge where it matters and takes you to the edge…(yes, we’re still talking about Passion).

passion

so ticks huh?

 

– Am I comfortable with what I am doing?

This doesn’t necessarily always mean settling for less…or giving up on striving for something because an easier option came up. It’s basically about finding an interest in the path you’ve chosen. So Are you comfortable with what you’re doing?

 

What are your short term goals? 

  What are your long-term goals?

– How much could I have?

What is your end after all the work and struggle?

Is it your degree?

Is it the amount of money in your account? If yes, then in order to get to those 10 digit balances, how much work are you willing to put in and without giving up the second things start looking up for you?

If it’s in the pursuance of your dreams…are you willing to put your life on hold albeit for a little while to see it through? You suddenly keep getting free tickets to stuff and networking events just a few weeks before a deadline…would you attend?

Allow yourself to dream about how much you could have, decide whether you are ready to have that and then go for it.

in the end

– What motivates you?

Umm…Kelly Rowland is not an appropriate answer here.

As a human being, there’s always a million and one things running through our minds at any given moment.

Let’s do this…as you read this, think about something that happened that awakened a need to do something or follow through to the end…

Think about it and how it got your brain juice flowing. > Remember the post about dreams? <

And then, think about something else that made you feel like quitting just as soon as you started…What about it put you off that much?

There’s a drive, a tick that was there in the motivated one that is missing in the other scenario, yeah? If you could figure that out and tap into that potential…would you? If you found out that yeah, this emotion or this item makes me want to achieve something,,,you would grab it and never let it go I assume.

images

– Have I done enough for myself?

Ok…this is almost starting to look like some self-help blog, non?……..back to the question at hand.

I’m a huge advocate for discovering what makes you feel discontent.

  • Figure out what leaves your successful leap not seem as amazing as you would have liked.
  • Discover that which makes you yearn for something else.
  • If you could do something more than is expected of you, would you?

I have mild OCD of sorts therefore, it’s very difficult to sit back and be completely satisfied with the things I give out. (As I pointed out in the beginning of this piece) With this great power comes great responsibility. The desire to be discontent with everything I do or feel…it’s great you know.

To reach past that self-disapproval and accept my own creations…it’s a challenge that I’m not sure I’m willing to overcome.

 

Last Question:(Surprise,,,i’m a woman human and we always have a lot of questions to ask given the chance)

– What really makes you tick?

You need to know what you want to do in order to properly respond to this question.

want

 

So guys, what  makes you tick?

You should think about it, take a second…matter of fact you should take four.

Let’s stop doing things for the mere sake of doing them but let’s do them because we really crave the achievement.

respo

 

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

with dreams, and desires and cupcakes galore,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂