What About Life Lately?(Taking Stock)


Hey there.

I hope you’re well and as pumped up for the year end as I am. If you’re not, listen to some Jidenna ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzxjbS19MP0) and get your good vibes rolling.

So, this is abit of a recap into the past month or two I suppose…I’ve been off the grid for a minute ayy? Not to worry. I’m still here.

Taking Stock 3.0:

Making: plans to put up my cake and cupcake website. **Finallyyyyyyyy** I’m way too excited for this one…choosing fonts, templates, pictures, stories behind each piece, how to spread the love via the website….all this and so much more. Let’s stay tuned.

Cooking: Hmmm, I cook every other day so I can’t start listing everything. However, I made some finger licking twice dipped spicy chicken drumsticks a couple of weekends ago…I see where all this food will end up, but you do know that bikini bodies are simply any body with a bikini on. *drops mic* P.s. some pork stir fry might be in the wishlist this week. 🙂

Drinking: Water and Orange Juice have been my staples for a while. Throw in some natural yoghurt and the angels shall sing to you.

Reading: Americanah – Chimamanda. Well, technically, it was one of those impulse buys because so many people in my circle talked about it and I had to see what all the supposed hype was about…yes, I’m like a year too late but I’m reading it now right? That’s all that counts. And I finished it. Sigh. I’m so done with books btw.

Wasting: No time trying to live each day as it comes. Life is too short to be sitting down miserable.

Wishing: for Christmas to get here already….the energy, the vibes, the people it brings together. I’m all about wishes.

Enjoying: some serious Naija music right about now. From Tiwa Savage, to Mr Eazy, Tekno, Patoranking…name them and I’ve probably jammed to most of it. Plus, the kenyan music scene is looking waaaaay up. I mean Dela and Fena are legit power women.

Liking: the delivery options everyone has these days. From make up, to food, to baking stuff, to drinks, to clothes. Love it. Keep up the amazing work Nairobi.

Wondering: Where to get crotchet braids installed without having that weird side part that’s like the red sea during noah’s time. *badum tss*

Loving: the random opportunities that seem to be checking in for the business. *Viva Cupcakes. Viva Cakes. Viva Velvet By Moxie *

Marvelling: at how some good lighting and the perfect angle give you such a good shot especially when it comes to food. Yuuuuuum. Maybe food blogging should be my next step.

Needing: More R n R. Preferably  by the beach, with a couple of drinks and good company. Seems like all the good vibes are stored in the ocean so I need to make like a boat and sway in that direction. Hey December, I see you. 🙂

Smelling: Warm Vanilla Sugar Body Splash and a helluva like chocolate too because I baked some legit death by chocolate cupcakes.

Following: A helluva lot of baking shows, channels, instagram pages. Sigh. I basically live, eat and breathe cake these days.

chocolate-cuppies (*Thanks Google*)

Noticing: My hair is pulling some interesting moves. I recently took out my braids and decided to do a no-heat challenge for about three weeks before the next protective style goes in, and it’s simply fascinating. Natural hair is too versatile. 🙂

Knowing: that there’s so much good energy that’s around waiting for us to let it in. When you let go of the negative vibes, and the unneccesary shenanigans, God opens doors. All you need to do is let Him do His work and the rest will flow through.

Thinking: of investments and a lot of things finance. You know that feeling you get in your gut that tells you to stop putting your money where your mouth is? (Literally) 😀 Well, it’s been on my mind for a minute, and is clearly still on my mind.

Feeling: hella positive. My favourite time of the year (save for my birthday) is coming through and I cannot hold in my excitement for the good energy that is synonymous with December.

Bookmarking: Food blogs, because stealing ideas and what not…and also, photography videos…how to get the best shot regardless of whether or not you have a camera. Dear phone, you’re going to be used and abused.

Opening: My pinterest page lately. Hmmm, dusts off cobwebs. 🙂

Giggling: At Kevin Hart’s what now and Lip Sync Battle as well. Yoooooo. Lupita showed us the truest Kenyan moves there. Seen so much of it in Westie. Go Lupita.

Eating: oven roasted sweet potatoes with cayenne pepper, salt and black pepper. Just om nom nom nom nooooooom.

(Craving: Bacon and bacon and bacon and pork chops and more bacon.)

I realized that taking stock is an interesting version of counting your blessings. So keep counting your wins and keep an eye out for opportunities. And really spread out the good vibes like the wind does with the dust.

 

That’s it from my end of the globe.

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With life, love, sun and positive vibes(and a hint of chocolate cupcakes),

Let the good energy flow.

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

 

Behind the Smile (6)


Hey my doves. I hope you are all amazing.

*Nairobi sun please stand up?

I started you guys off with the definitions, went down to the so-named symptoms, moved into the statistics and let you in the know about how men also suffer from depression…and based on the facts out there, need just as much support and recognition as the women. Finally we cooled things down with how to deal with it. You can never have enough knowledge, so keep reading keep searching the internet. Find out about depression from more than just a few articles.

 

So I leave you with the entire series on depression. I really believe that I’ve been able to give you guys at least some insight into the mental illness. Enough for you to stop the stigma, enough for you to speak to someone about what you or someone else could be going through, enough for you to share your story about how you pushed through, enough for you to recognize the symptoms and put a stop to it before it gets too serious. Enough for you to know that it gets better and keep at this thing called life.

 

To remember: Depression isn’t the same in everyone.

:It doesn’t end when suddenly the person seems to be back to normal for a day. It’s not a phase. It’s not overreacting. It’s not a white people illness (Dear African parents). It’s not a show of immaturity. It’s not a sign of mental instability. It’s not a clutch.

:It paralyses in the worst ways but it can be dealt with.

Be aware. Keep your eyes open, Keep your mind open. And best of all, spread the love and it will come right back to you. Learn to see the triggers, and don’t let each other suffer in silence.

phbc-stay-woke-panel-1

Stay woke.

^^I’ve always wanted to use this. ^^

Last though it should’ve been at the fore front, Seek the counsel of the Lord. A bit of prayer and meditation goes a long way guys. Whatever deity you worship, pray to them, read the Holy Books, understand that there’s a greater destiny for you and you will be restored. We are greater than the struggles we face by the day.

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That’s the thing about emotional pain. You can’t say that it hurts here, get some medicine and you’re cured.

It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that.

You’re only human.

Remember that.

And you can pull through and come out on top.

You are golden.

…. part six …. Behind the Smile(6)

Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston – When You Believe

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don’t always happen when you ask
And it’s easy to give in to your fears
But when you’re blinded by your pain
Can’t see your way clear through the rain
A small, but still, resilient voice
Says help is very near

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

Behind The Smile(5)


Happy New Month. I’m sorry this was supposed to go up 6 days ago but I got slightly busy.

Here it is though.

The second to last instalment to this series about depression.

.Depression.

.How to deal.(for everybody else)

Openness. Availability is key to helping someone who reaches out to you. I’m not saying you drop everything and show up, but a few responses and texts here and there. A few encouraging words every other time.

Be conscious. You can’t say that you never knew someone was going through before it got too serious. You have to be conscious of the signs. The sudden mood shifts. Be aware of the random times when someone seems to be acting a bit different to the norm. You could spot a few posts on social media, you can spot it when someone who’s hell bent on having a good time, suddenly not wanting to be part of things. Does their smile reach their eyes? Do their words seem detached? It’s not always in the physical signs like maybe you noticed that they suddenly wear a tonne of bracelets and have a tendency to keep touching their wrists. Nope. The psychological hints are the hardest to spot but they can be traced no less.

smile change the world

Smile. Refer to Behind the Smile (4) to see what is so great about a smile. See the human body is set up so interestingly. It copies what it sees, pretty much subconsciously. See a frown, and your face automatically starts frowning. See someone laugh genuinely and you’ll be trying to fight back your own laugh. See someone crying and your eyes will start to water. See a smile, and regardless of the thoughts racing through your mind, your mouth curves upwards into a smile.

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Don’t talk about yourself. It’s not about you. I know we’re plagued with the “Even Me” syndrome where we must relate everything someone said in order to understand a situation. You can’t pull that stunt when someone finally opens up to you about their state of mental disarray. To them it simply sounds like you’re not interested; even when you are. Maybe we can tone down the even me.s in such situations.

Listen. This should have been first/ second to being conscious I suppose. Most times, someone who’s depressed just wants somebody else to listen for a change instead of constantly hearing their own thoughts. So listen. Be the open ears they seek. By the time someone gets the courage to speak to you, it’s been such an arduous hurdle to overcome so please listen.

>I need to talk to you. I have something to finally say. I’ve been meaning to say this once I figured it out <<

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Save your advice. I keep reiterating that they just want to share. They don’t need your advice especially when you have not a clue about what thoughts plague their mind. The advice is similar to talking about yourself; so unless you’re professionally trained, have none of that “When I feel low, I do such and such”. It’s hard not to give advice but you must resist the urge.

Build rather than destroy. Many depressed people, in my experience and in my interaction, feel the need to cut food out of their routine or overdo it. Find ways to get them to eat. Don’t offer criticism; they have enough of their own self-blame so this would only make it worse. Also, don’t downplay their condition. “Why do the small things get to you?” “It’s just a phase” “Get yourself together, that’s not how you were raised” “People out there have bigger problems Such questions nullify their disorder and completely try to gloss over their current state of mind.

He used to have recurrent episodes and would shut himself away and not answer the door or the telephone, but if I wrote him a note, and managed to push it under the door, he would tell me later how much it meant to him. Sometimes it was enough to coax him out.

Bring them outside. When you notice they hole themselves up in seclusion, offer them a polite walk, a quiet music listening session on the grass, a random drive even if it’s for grocery shopping….Let them reconnect with nature or something that’s moving and if possible, living and breathing. Just like a wound needs air to finally scab over, so does the mind when it’s thoughts become stagnant.

If you ever find yourself empty from something you cannot know or name, find a stretch of ocean, a field, or a mountainside, or even clouds or trees. Because there are 1000 simple ways to fill your tired soul so you can remember how to be, how to see, and most importantly, how to breath.

~Victoria Erickson

Share positivity. The universe has a way of cancelling out the negative energy, especially when it’s in excess. So, share positivity. If someone asks you to tell them something you like about them, do it now and ask questions later. If someone wants you to say something encouraging, just do it. You might never find out exactly what went on in their mind, but you brought some light into the madness that came with the darkness. Take up yoga with them, dance with them, breath life into them through the things that you do.

Patience. Being depressed, someone is more irritable, prone to quickly misunderstand others. So you need patience to deal with this.

Learn their triggers. More so if they’re episodes are recurrent. Let them know when a symptom pops up and point it out. It helps with the “drowning”.

Encourage. Encourage Encourage.

Suggest to them to seek professional help. And be supportive when they do. Don’t steer clear of them; You can offer to accompany them to their appointments without pressuring them to accept your offer.

Love. All we need is love.

Feels like i’m asking you guys to turn into angels ay?

 

That’s the thing about emotional pain. You can’t say that it hurts here, get some medicine and you’re cured.

It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that.

You’re only human.

Remember that.

…. part five …. Behind the Smile(5)

Jessie J-Flashlight

‘Cause you light the way
I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see a sweet life
I’m stuck in the dark but you’re my flashlight
You’re getting me, getting me, through the night
Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes
Can’t lie, it’s a sweet life
Stuck in the dark but you’re my flashlight
You’re getting me, getting me, through the night

 

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

Behind The Smile(4)


Back at it again.

Hey there beautiful souls. Are we doing alright? I hope so.

Are we still following the series? I hope so. Never know when this information comes in handy.

.Depression.

This post is about How to deal.

.How to deal.(for the person going through depression)

Smile. I found this quote on the glorious internet about how a smile eases any situation; but smiling to yourself, in the mirror, goes a long way. It’s like a reset button for your brain…much like crying. Release the endorphins. Feel your own glow.

stop and smile

Redirect your thoughts. Recall a few happy moments in your life. Take yourself back to that time, put yourself in your own shoes, why were you laughing? why were you so happy? why that memory in particular? Replay it through and through. Was it a person who made you feel that way? Was it an object? Recall those feelings and that setting in its entirety, recall and relive the moment. People tell you to stop living in the past, but sometimes you realize that the past is exactly what you need to get you through the present.

Distract yourself. I know what you’re thinking. Distractions = Drugs or something that will cause you harm in the future. BUT no. A distraction is another way to redirect your thoughts. Keep a music playlist handy for such down moments you know those songs that keep your blood pumping or make you feel relaxed? The jams that make you question the lyrics? Keep a playlist of songs filled with these. Read a book; see your mindset will switch from the present to the life you’re following in the novel, to the characters in the book. Watch a movie. Shift your mindset.

Take a walk…or sit outside where the air flows freely. The universe has a way of gifting those who seek its rewards. Breath. Breath. Just breath. Take in the environment outside. Look at the leaves. Stare at the sky. Find your calm and throw yourself into it. Get out of bed, find natural light outside and simply glow.

Find an outlet. So, all these sound familiar, non? They’re really not the same. I promise. Find an outlet. Journal. I’ve learnt that writing down the thoughts that run wild in your mind dispels them from that space. You write down everything; you can do it physically or online on a private/anonymous blog or something. Just write. They don’t have to be well put together paragraphs or sound like magnificent poetry but write anyway. Let it all out. It’s the release that you’re looking for. When you focus your thoughts on words flowing through your fingers, it’s therapeutic. Cook up a storm, bake until your kitchen can put the witch’s house in Hansel and Gretel to shame.

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Talk to someone. This is different from reaching out though. This simply involves talking to someone who lifts up your mood. They really don’t need to know exactly what you’re going through but sometimes, you need a good laugh. I have a bunch of people who I call or text once in a while, and we can laugh for hours on the phone. It’s “meaningless” not necessarily “important” banter but it releases the good feels. Tell someone to shower you with compliments; ask someone to tell you a good memory they have of you; seek for the good vibes and they will seek to be found by you. It calms the thoughts. It restores the clarity that you’re unable to navigate through on your own.

It heals.

Reach out. Talk to someone who won’t provide judgement. Someone who will simply listen. Sometimes, you really just want another living breathing human being to listen to what’s going on in your mind. It’s hard at first to say even one word, but when it gets down to it, the banks break and the words literally flow out. Take the rope that’s offered to you whilst you drown. Take it.

Professional help. As I mentioned in Behind the Smile(1), depression is an illness and like many illnesses, someone who is attuned to dealing with it needs to help you through the hurdles. They know how to speak to you and through the fog that’s clouding your mind. They can filter their way through your thoughts, and although they may not understand exactly what you’re going through, the therapy works. The medication prescribed helps.

You’re looking to feel numb and that’s the one thing you need to avoid. Feeling numb. You seek to be an impenetrable object, but no. That’s not going to help you, it just traps the negativity inside you. It magnifies the feelings in your mind, they only intensify and that’s the last thing you need.

Don’t suffer in silence. Surround yourself with life. It could be people, a pet, flowers…anything that has life breathed into it. The energy you get from live things cannot be replicated by anything else. So get out there, feed off of the good vibes.

Man walking at sunset

Man walking down road at sunset

Be conscious of your triggers. A trigger is simply what causes your mind to shift into overdrive. It could be a situation, stress, someone, the weather; Just figure out what your trigger is and be ready for it. Arm yourself with positive vibes, when you’re unable to keep the feels at bay, then at least you’ll be able to handle it better. Understand yourself. Know how you feel during your highs (happy/ “normal”/ positive moments) and during your lows too (when you’re depressed). Listen to your body, and be in sync with your emotions and reactions every second of the day.

Be conscious of yourself.

Acknowledge that you are allowed to feel this way. Acknowledge that you are going through this depression. Hold fast to believing that you can overcome it; you’re a work of art, you are golden. Pressure your mind to understand and remember that you are not alone. You are not alone. You are never alone.

That’s the thing about emotional pain. You can’t say that it hurts here, get some medicine and you’re cured.

It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that.

You’re only human.

Remember that.

 

…. part four …. Behind the Smile(4)

Jessie J – Who You Are

I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
“Why am I doing this to myself?”
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.

Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It’s okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart.
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising,
Just be true to who you are!

 

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

Behind The Smile (2)


To you all who asked for this to go up quick.

I hope you’re good my doves.

I didn’t realize it’s #DepressionAwarenessWeek….well, talk about coincidences.

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.Depression.

How it manifests:

It’s the fear. Of not knowing exactly what your emotions are trying to tell you. Not understanding your current reality/ is it a misconstrued perception of reality that your mind conjured up? Imagine controlling a plane and suddenly all the red lights come on and you panic and you realize that you’ve been taught to handle every situation except this one? Hmmm…it’s the mental chaos.

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It’s the anxiety that comes in, because did you know that sometimes anxiety and depression hold hands to wreak havoc in your mind? Yes, anxiety which simply put is a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with panic attacks…thoughts like I’m not where I want to be, I’m not good enough, I’m not successful enough, my life is moving too fast for me to catch up with it, can we pause life for a second so I can breath?

It’s an out of body experience coupled with the world telling you that you shouldn’t let it get to you. You see, you can’t understand that which you go through and that’s where humanity fails you; they put you down and let you know that it’s not as serious as it really is.

It’s the desire to do the normal things that you would do, but aren’t able to do. It’s the struggle to find joy in the simple things which got you hyped up before. It’s the need to try and remember…did you know that depression sometimes comes coupled with a hint of forgetfulness, confusion and disorientation. Sounds serious right? Well it is.

You don’t want to do things but you can’t even think of a reason why save for the fact that your mind isn’t “feeling it” anymore. You go into your shell/space. You retreat.

Did you know that it can manifest itself physically? Not the usual tiredness or possible nausea, aggressive behaviour. Nope. Your normal bodily functions take a hit too. I remember someone pointing out that they tried falling asleep one day and the closing up in their throat kept jolting them up. Yeah, the body gets so focused on healing the mind that other functions take the back seat.

She was walking along the street fine and the next thing she knew her legs just gave out and she fell. No medical backing, she didn’t faint, her legs just took a break for a second because she was up and walking again wondering what had caused her stumble. You can’t walk in a straight line sometimes. You can’t remember how to sit properly.

The insomnia. You stay up until the wee hours of the morning without a hint of fatigue flowing through your system….an hour of sleep is more than enough because the mind still works overtime, your body is forced awake before it has time to rest. You can survive for days on end with a mere 2 hours of shuteye every night. The opposite is true too. You find yourself sleeping for longer hours. Even when you should be well rested, you’re uneasy, still tired, still wanting the escape that comes with sleep.

The appetite. You either find food less appetizing so you find yourself surviving on teas and water or nothing at all sometimes. OR you find food everything and more. So you eat anything and everything your hand comes across and you begin to find a new reason to hate yourself…Why am I still eating and I’m only getting bigger? so you hate your body now.

The negative mental space. Pessimism. Although unwarranted, pessimism gets revealed so much more often. You become that Negative Nancy that always brings the mood down, and you know what, you don’t even realize what you’re saying. You legit feel like someone really close to you has died, well kinda true because that person is you, well at least in your mind. You feel alone. Completely and utterly alone.

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See the cycle? Depression robs you in more ways than just mentally. It feeds generously off of negative emotions…when I say generously I speak only the truth.

Looking into your world like an outsider staring through a thick sheet of semi-opaque glass.

You no longer feel like you’re in control. It’s a struggle.

The symptoms are manifested pretty differently with different experiences. Like I pointed out, there is no universal description for depression. It just is what it is.

-The end game isn’t always suicide.-

That’s the thing about emotional pain. You can’t say that it hurts here, get some medicine and you’re cured.

It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that.

You’re only human.

Remember that.

…. part two …. Behind the Smile(2)

Bob Dylan – It’s Alright, Ma (I’m only Bleeding)

Disillusioned words like bullets bark
As human gods aim for their mark

You lose yourself, you reappear
You suddenly find you got nothing to fear
Alone you stand with nobody near
When a trembling distant voice, unclear
Startles your sleeping ears to hear

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

Behind the Smile (1)


Hey there my doves.

I’m sorry, with dealing with school and projects and life, I guess I haven’t prioritized my writing over the past month…Je suis tres desolee.

I’m back.

So, I think this one has been a long time coming but, finally, it’s going up.

I’m going to do a series of posts about depression. I just read a book, spotted a few posts on social media, spoke to someone about this “topic”. It’s going to be a spaz of “emo” but then again, why is there a need to be labelled as such?

On with it then.

(Maybe it’s the weather…I told you guys the universe speaks to me in more ways than one. My mood and entire aura tend to be played by the hands of the weather man and the atmosphere as I have noticed ever since I started being aware of myself. With the positive vibes and the doing what makes me feel good…shutting out the negative aspects and closing doors on toxic attitudes and company.)

 

.Depression.

Don’t close the tab now that you’re reading. Just go through till the end I suppose.

Definition:

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It’s a mood disorder.

It’s not a one-size fits all description.

It’s a consistent low mood…coupled with feelings of worthlessness, a touch of irritability, a mad at the world attitude, a desire to want to be alone but away from your thoughts, a deep seated emotional burden, a spectre of random thoughts…suicide could always be an end game.

 

You seek everything and anything that you feel would take you away from the feeling. It’s suffocating. It’s deep entwined within your being. It’s “embarassing” to allow yourself to accept to let other people in on your struggles…because there a bigger problems out there…what with hunger, and earthquakes, and financial problems. There’s something bigger to worry about…apparently.

You desire and try to be happy. You put on the biggest smile you can conjur, try to look as bright as you want to feel. Around everyone else, you try to stand out as the happy one. Key word is try.

You downplay yourself. You downplay your state. You  disregard what feels real to you. To dissociate from reality basically. You get caught up in the game of acting.

Everything is alright. Everything is alright. Everything is alright. You are fine, always.

You see yourself as a burden. To others. You see yourself as a burden. To yourself. You find no worth in what you do. You think you’re worthless. You believe that you’re not meant for this thing called life. You express emotions almost robotically.

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There’s a voice in your head. Screaming, shouting, whispering. It tells you all that you’re failing at life. It tells you that it’s okay to be broken on the inside but happy on the outside. It tells you that if you slit your hip, you can hide it with the waistbands of basically everything you wear. If you do it on your wrists, bangles and bands and watches can cover it up.

You’re stuck in the game of cover up.

You feel like you’re a shell…you believe it actually. You feel detached from what goes on around you save for your own thoughts. You go through the motions of life without really trying to find what adds meaning to yours.

You forget to eat sometimes most of the time. You kind of want to forget to breath too…if only you could pin point what hurts. But that’s the thing about emotional pain. You can’t say that it hurts here, get some medicine and you’re cured.

It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than that.

You’re only human.

Remember that.

…. part one …. Behind the Smile(1)

 

Well, aside from the post, i discovered Seinabo Sey….music stays winning.

Younger- Seinabo Sey

There is a light to all this darkness
I will tell you this
There’s redemption in you asking them just why it is

Why we fight to get on loving I’ve been wondering
How your mind will leave you hanging your heart lingering
stay lost
then found by whoever stays around, forgetting
There is a way to be yourself, I assure you this
There’s a way to catch your dreams without falling asleep
You might as well get it while you can

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With love and love and positive vibes as always,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

 

What makes you tick?


Olla my lovelies.

As always, i’m late at this…blame it on writer’s block…or it’s because anything I’ve put down the last couple of tries didn’t have enough soul to it.

I’m a perfectionist or I have slight OCD…so if something doesn’t look right…and it’s the work of my hands then I don’t feel it proper to share with anyone else. Like when my cupcakes backfire, i’ll bake more until I get the perfect batch for selling…well,,,perfect in my eyes.

I’m one of those guys that would probably go back and correct an assignment…long after I handed it in and received my grade. It’s a good and yet bad thing but such is life I suppose. C’est ma vie,,,et ma vie est belle.

Oooh…where are my manners? How are y’all? Good Awesome Amazing Extraordinarily Enjoying life? I do hope so.

Well, Writer’s Block? Bye Felicia.

My better half conscience constantly reminds me to upload content on the blog. So here we are now…finally figured out what to write.

WHAT MAKES YOU TICK?

Not as impersonal as you think....here's my wrist guys

Not as impersonal as you think….here’s my wrist guys

Tick? No not that blood sucking pest( which reminds me…do you remember that PowerPuff Girls episode that had that weird thought-sucking villain?)

But yes, tick.

To tick…if taken literally based on the workings of a clock…means to move.

So my content is mostly going to be based on trying to figure out what makes people to be moved to do something, to reach out, to strive to succeed…to live.

I asked this to le workmates recently and seeing as they are IT people,,,few words were exchanged. But I generally figured out what made them choose to code and deal with software, hardware and technology.

One said,

“I want to fix things. I figured that seeing as I can’t fix people, then i’d rather fix something non-living. If I can sit down for hours taking apart and putting together a computer, over and over, I cultivate my skills of being patient enough to deal with people.”

The other one said,

“I like challenges. If I work on something that won’t cause my hands to get clammy or my thoughts to go on overdrive…why should I do it? I do it because it’s proven to be an interesting challenge.”

 

When you surround yourself with people who know what drives them, don’t you get inspired to express your own driving factor?

 

They say passion is the greatest driver of them all.

He drives with such elegance and intensity that it’s pretty difficult to ignore his bulky frame when he steps into your thoughts. He takes charge where it matters and takes you to the edge…(yes, we’re still talking about Passion).

passion

so ticks huh?

 

– Am I comfortable with what I am doing?

This doesn’t necessarily always mean settling for less…or giving up on striving for something because an easier option came up. It’s basically about finding an interest in the path you’ve chosen. So Are you comfortable with what you’re doing?

 

What are your short term goals? 

  What are your long-term goals?

– How much could I have?

What is your end after all the work and struggle?

Is it your degree?

Is it the amount of money in your account? If yes, then in order to get to those 10 digit balances, how much work are you willing to put in and without giving up the second things start looking up for you?

If it’s in the pursuance of your dreams…are you willing to put your life on hold albeit for a little while to see it through? You suddenly keep getting free tickets to stuff and networking events just a few weeks before a deadline…would you attend?

Allow yourself to dream about how much you could have, decide whether you are ready to have that and then go for it.

in the end

– What motivates you?

Umm…Kelly Rowland is not an appropriate answer here.

As a human being, there’s always a million and one things running through our minds at any given moment.

Let’s do this…as you read this, think about something that happened that awakened a need to do something or follow through to the end…

Think about it and how it got your brain juice flowing. > Remember the post about dreams? <

And then, think about something else that made you feel like quitting just as soon as you started…What about it put you off that much?

There’s a drive, a tick that was there in the motivated one that is missing in the other scenario, yeah? If you could figure that out and tap into that potential…would you? If you found out that yeah, this emotion or this item makes me want to achieve something,,,you would grab it and never let it go I assume.

images

– Have I done enough for myself?

Ok…this is almost starting to look like some self-help blog, non?……..back to the question at hand.

I’m a huge advocate for discovering what makes you feel discontent.

  • Figure out what leaves your successful leap not seem as amazing as you would have liked.
  • Discover that which makes you yearn for something else.
  • If you could do something more than is expected of you, would you?

I have mild OCD of sorts therefore, it’s very difficult to sit back and be completely satisfied with the things I give out. (As I pointed out in the beginning of this piece) With this great power comes great responsibility. The desire to be discontent with everything I do or feel…it’s great you know.

To reach past that self-disapproval and accept my own creations…it’s a challenge that I’m not sure I’m willing to overcome.

 

Last Question:(Surprise,,,i’m a woman human and we always have a lot of questions to ask given the chance)

– What really makes you tick?

You need to know what you want to do in order to properly respond to this question.

want

 

So guys, what  makes you tick?

You should think about it, take a second…matter of fact you should take four.

Let’s stop doing things for the mere sake of doing them but let’s do them because we really crave the achievement.

respo

 

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

with dreams, and desires and cupcakes galore,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

 

Why we lose friends in our 20s…


*some Emeli Sande to serenade your hearts and minds perhaps?*

I remember when I wrote 10 things every 20-something girl should know and how you, my amazing readers, thought that it was an interesting read.

Well here’s another one of those list thingamajigs my lovelies.

Hello my darlings.

Have I missed simply talking to you? YES.

Have I missed ranting and raving about anything and everything? YES.

Have I missed the love an affection that comes with writing to an audience that is not in my line of sight? HELL YEAH!!!

So let’s get to it then, shall we?

WHY DO WE LOSE FRIENDS IN OUR 20s?

(I insist on 20s because it’s at this stage of growth that we realize that well…life happens and people happen as well.)

1. BECAUSE LIFE HAPPENS

1. People change.

Everyone including yourself is changing; actually growing up. In this age-decade, we really have no strong idea of who we are so we look for what makes the most sense at the moment. We gravitate towards what seems to befit our lives and makes us satisfied so If there exist people who don’t fit with the mould, they are taken off the list; we bid them adieu.

heart and life

2. People move.

Sometimes, our friends relocate. I don’t mean to a town or another city that’s a bus/train ride away; i’m talking country and/or continent. Hard as it is to accept, at one point or another, you have to come to terms with the fact that you’ll probably never live in the same city or country ever again. So you need to decide whether or not the friendship is worth continuing.

3. Lifestyle changes.

There’s always that crowd of people who were/ are your turn-up buddies. So if at one point in time we decide to get off that daily turn-up and getting mashed any time you get the chance, it pretty obvious that the friendship will end on its own terms. Your “crew” will possibly refer to you as boring or “grandma”  the latter of which shouldn’t even be an insult. Who wouldn’t want to be as wise and as well-loved as a grandmother?

You get what I mean here though.

4. Relationships.

This obviously has to make an appearance. It’s all about being human. When one party ends up in an amazing relationship, surrounded with love and eventually encase themselves in that cocoon, the friendship will suffer. This is due to resentments and a feeling of being left out because you no longer spend time together. Most times, this should NOT be an obstacle, unless maybe the new significant other expressly tells them not to hang out with you…in which case, just wait it out. If, however, this is not the scenario, I believe it would be best to simply fade away and discover newer paths. The time spent resenting could be put to much better use.

live and love

5. Schedules.

I know all about schedules. This is such a scapegoat of a reason that you should be ashamed for even using this one. It may only apply to the weaker friendships though. If this has been the force behind a friendship break-up then simply realize that whoever that friend was, simply was in your life out of sheer convenience. It’s sad but true. Different/ busy schedules would never lead to loss of friends simply because they’ll always be a phone call or text away. My best friend knows this all too well.  😀 😀

6.  Fights

They happen all the time. People get annoyed, tears may be shed, fists may fly faster than you can say theafricangirl, feelings get hurt, emotions reign supreme and egos…these huge egos get bruised=> The usual casualties of a fight. The only way this would lead to the severing of a -ship is if too much time passes before the reconciliation process happens. You see, in earlier years of our lives (high school, middle/primary school, kindergarten) if you get into a fight with your friend, you’ll eventually have to hash it over because you’ll be very likely to see them sooner rather than later. In our 20s, it’s an entirely different ballgame. You may choose not to go out and find the said friend in order to make like Koffi Annan and restore the peace through verbal communication and more often than not, you’ll not cross paths in years. After a while, some regret will check in, but by then it may be too late to make amends so you have to let the -ship sail for good.

7. simply because they are toxic. hazardous.

toxic

Well, I think this last one is pretty self-explanatory. If your friend encourages you to do things that you normally would never even think of doing, to be someone who everyone else sees as different(and not the good kind of different), who leads to your slow but sure destruction, who doesn’t really build you up but instead removes the very foundation on which you stand,,,you my dear, have some toxic beings in your life, and it would be completely positive for you to let them go.

TOXIC- Yael Naim

how coolio is this rendition of Britney Spears’ toxic? Love it.

That’s a couple of the reasons I could think of.

P.s. seeing as one man’s meat is another man’s poison, I believe y’all should understand that you possibly fall into one or more of these categories listed. So don’t think yourself as the one that’s always being wronged, we wrong others as well. (let he who is without sin be the first to cast the stone).

live and live

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

Acceptance


“Raise you like a phoenix”

(Fall Out Boy_ Phoenix)

.

Saying NO is always the easier option.

Choosing to think of the negative is always simpler.

Deciding to pick on the weak links is closer, right?

Opting to avoid the risks,

Digging holes in the ground to hide our faces.

Dark over light always wins in some people’s view.

I never understood why…

Until very recently that is.

It’s easier to let your thoughts consume you

And I realized that thinking is much like a never ending spiral.

One thought leads to another and one after that and it spirals out of control.

We are human, yeah?

We love to be in control of anything we come into contact with.

We are determined to try and alter nature to a form that we can rule.

And what happens when that doesn’t go according to plan?

We simply give up or deny or do anything that is beyond the positive.

We choose to deny simply because it’s harder to accept that which goes not according to our vision.

We pick dark over light because we are somehow inclined to that which gives comfort to our failure…

…because misery loves company.

We opt to seek solitude.

So the stages go from denial to over-thinking to self-loath to depression…

But isn’t it amazing how we’re supposed to rise up and accept our fate and move on?

socrates

Fate. Interesting word this one.

Do you believe in fate?

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t.

We control the outcome of our actions,

And with that said, we also determine our own destiny.

If we choose to live based on the negatives then who are you to complain when you’re labelled a pessimist?

Or if it’s the positives, an optimist would be your title.

So I decided that in acceptance of a situation, you find relief.

Which would you rather: relief or that long downward spiral of negativity?

 

Your attitude is everything.

Your mistakes don’t make you neither do they break you.

They build your character.

They’re like busted prototypes that point out where you went wrong

so you get up, dust yourself off and try again.

 

ACCEPTANCE.

 

…(part 4 of 4)…

Aaliyah – Try again.

 

So I was supposed to explain what prompted this four part series, non?

I will refrain from doing so because someone once said that:

“You should talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems”

Sometimes we sit down and examine our lives and concentrate on the few things that put us down albeit for a minute. We forget to appreciate the ever encompassing good in our lives and tend to put ourselves down way too much. We never realize that we have the power to rise above the negative…be it from within or from without.

I realized way back when that if you put down the thoughts that seemingly cause you unrest, whether on paper or virtually, your mind tends to find a release. So write the thought down and forget about it.

And with that, let’s do this acceptance shindig lovers and friends.

____Of the few things we can control, let’s take the lead and show life that we are stronger. _____

Positive vibes is the mantra.

Positive Thoughts,

Positive Feelings,

Positive Lives.

b405915144d4d39a73652b77f102997f

***P.s.  y’all should check out Gorgon City’s SIRENS album…it’s the beezneez***

 

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

 

Always A Lesson


.

I’m pacing up and down…

Same spot no progress.

The wear can be seen visibly yet i choose not to move.

I’m comfortable here.

I’m kinda sorta used to it here.

I’m not ready to move forward, back or sideways.

I won’t jump.

I won’t sleep nor lay down.

Is this the famous lack of motivation?

Or am I just really lazy?

Some say that you have to fight for those things that you want.

Fight the good fight.

That for which you fight, ought to be right.

Be the achiever that you’ve set your mind to be.

But what if the mind is not in it until it’s too late?

Until the opportunity is lost in the abyss like ink in water?

What then?

Because you can never be fully prepared for the failure bit.

Never be fully attuned to your expectations being shattered.

Noone really picks you up once you’re down and out.

But then again, noone tells you that you should be ready for disappointment.

Noone tells you not to be too hard on yourself.

Noone tells you that you should expect to fail though.

All they and yourself preach is that “i’ll get it the first time.”

And when reality checks in…

You want to run and hide.

But truth is, mistakes are made for a reason.

until youre broken

Learning from them is always the hardest part.

I have to put out my flame of pride to pick myself up off the ground?

I have to sit down and reflect on that failure?

I have to find a way to get back up?

With my own determination to push me forward?

Well, that’s not so hard.

Well, that’s not too bad.

Never a failure always a lesson right?

never

 

So learn I will…

Long arduous process but it must be done.

A million steps but all of them we must follow.

In order to live, we must grow.

In order to grow, we need to let go.

In order to let go, we need to know.

that,

In order to reap we must first sow.

failure

. . . (part 3 of  4) . . .

 

***Afterglow  by Wilkinson

Even though the dancing’s done,

Don’t worry cause the night is young

Who cares where we go

We’re ready for the afterglow.

 

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂