What About Life Lately?(Taking Stock)


Hey there.

I hope you’re well and as pumped up for the year end as I am. If you’re not, listen to some Jidenna ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzxjbS19MP0) and get your good vibes rolling.

So, this is abit of a recap into the past month or two I suppose…I’ve been off the grid for a minute ayy? Not to worry. I’m still here.

Taking Stock 3.0:

Making: plans to put up my cake and cupcake website. **Finallyyyyyyyy** I’m way too excited for this one…choosing fonts, templates, pictures, stories behind each piece, how to spread the love via the website….all this and so much more. Let’s stay tuned.

Cooking: Hmmm, I cook every other day so I can’t start listing everything. However, I made some finger licking twice dipped spicy chicken drumsticks a couple of weekends ago…I see where all this food will end up, but you do know that bikini bodies are simply any body with a bikini on. *drops mic* P.s. some pork stir fry might be in the wishlist this week. 🙂

Drinking: Water and Orange Juice have been my staples for a while. Throw in some natural yoghurt and the angels shall sing to you.

Reading: Americanah – Chimamanda. Well, technically, it was one of those impulse buys because so many people in my circle talked about it and I had to see what all the supposed hype was about…yes, I’m like a year too late but I’m reading it now right? That’s all that counts. And I finished it. Sigh. I’m so done with books btw.

Wasting: No time trying to live each day as it comes. Life is too short to be sitting down miserable.

Wishing: for Christmas to get here already….the energy, the vibes, the people it brings together. I’m all about wishes.

Enjoying: some serious Naija music right about now. From Tiwa Savage, to Mr Eazy, Tekno, Patoranking…name them and I’ve probably jammed to most of it. Plus, the kenyan music scene is looking waaaaay up. I mean Dela and Fena are legit power women.

Liking: the delivery options everyone has these days. From make up, to food, to baking stuff, to drinks, to clothes. Love it. Keep up the amazing work Nairobi.

Wondering: Where to get crotchet braids installed without having that weird side part that’s like the red sea during noah’s time. *badum tss*

Loving: the random opportunities that seem to be checking in for the business. *Viva Cupcakes. Viva Cakes. Viva Velvet By Moxie *

Marvelling: at how some good lighting and the perfect angle give you such a good shot especially when it comes to food. Yuuuuuum. Maybe food blogging should be my next step.

Needing: More R n R. Preferably  by the beach, with a couple of drinks and good company. Seems like all the good vibes are stored in the ocean so I need to make like a boat and sway in that direction. Hey December, I see you. 🙂

Smelling: Warm Vanilla Sugar Body Splash and a helluva like chocolate too because I baked some legit death by chocolate cupcakes.

Following: A helluva lot of baking shows, channels, instagram pages. Sigh. I basically live, eat and breathe cake these days.

chocolate-cuppies (*Thanks Google*)

Noticing: My hair is pulling some interesting moves. I recently took out my braids and decided to do a no-heat challenge for about three weeks before the next protective style goes in, and it’s simply fascinating. Natural hair is too versatile. 🙂

Knowing: that there’s so much good energy that’s around waiting for us to let it in. When you let go of the negative vibes, and the unneccesary shenanigans, God opens doors. All you need to do is let Him do His work and the rest will flow through.

Thinking: of investments and a lot of things finance. You know that feeling you get in your gut that tells you to stop putting your money where your mouth is? (Literally) 😀 Well, it’s been on my mind for a minute, and is clearly still on my mind.

Feeling: hella positive. My favourite time of the year (save for my birthday) is coming through and I cannot hold in my excitement for the good energy that is synonymous with December.

Bookmarking: Food blogs, because stealing ideas and what not…and also, photography videos…how to get the best shot regardless of whether or not you have a camera. Dear phone, you’re going to be used and abused.

Opening: My pinterest page lately. Hmmm, dusts off cobwebs. 🙂

Giggling: At Kevin Hart’s what now and Lip Sync Battle as well. Yoooooo. Lupita showed us the truest Kenyan moves there. Seen so much of it in Westie. Go Lupita.

Eating: oven roasted sweet potatoes with cayenne pepper, salt and black pepper. Just om nom nom nom nooooooom.

(Craving: Bacon and bacon and bacon and pork chops and more bacon.)

I realized that taking stock is an interesting version of counting your blessings. So keep counting your wins and keep an eye out for opportunities. And really spread out the good vibes like the wind does with the dust.

 

That’s it from my end of the globe.

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

With life, love, sun and positive vibes(and a hint of chocolate cupcakes),

Let the good energy flow.

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*:)

 

Who or What is a Writer?


Hey my doves.

I’ve been receiving so much positivity from so many readers and from life in general, it’s amazing. So here I am, back at it again with the blog posts. I hope y’all have been well.

Who / What Is A Writer?

writer

The other day, well more like last month (Happy New Month guys, it’s finally the middle of the year)….so anyway, the other day I was picking up a hamper from somewhere, and the lady I met up with was first, really friendly and secondly, the sweetest human being ever. You know those random things you get into on social media and then the punch line is win a free hamper or something of the sort? Well that’s what this was about. Okay, the point of that back story isn’t so that you can finally see how much time I spend on the internet.

With this sweetheart, let’s call her Mo, she’s the social media manager at company X. Mo randomly asks me a question about what I do, well possibly because I was rocking up to her office at 2 in the afternoon, dressed in jeans, a vest and a sweater. I asked her to guess what I do. Here’s where it got interesting. She shoots me a scrutinizing look, like top to bottom kinda look then she she just says, “You look like a writer. Like one of those creatives that can sit behind a desk and put words on a screen and have people enjoy what you write.”

What? Me? A Writer? So I asked her “Why do you think I look like a writer? Is it the way i’m dressed? How I sound when I talk?” Mo said that it was in my eyes or something. I laughed so hard and asked her to get serious. Here we were, two complete strangers, carrying on a conversation like we were friends from way back when. She went on to say that it’s in my hands, I have a writer’s hands. It’s in how laid back I looked, it’s in the smile and of course the way I spoke to her with a certain command of English. So, I was flattered. If you know me, you know by now that flattery gets you more than 10 points with me. I then went on to tell her about the blog and that I write for fun, she read my latest posts on depression, looking all impressed (in my opinion). So if you’re reading this Mo, Hi. 🙂

We caught up a bit on how I came to blog and what else I do, she promised to buy some of my cupcakes, she followed the page on Instagram, joked about how she needs more energy like mine around the office, we exchanged numbers….New friend guys. Is this how networking works? I felt so accomplished on my drive home and so I got to thinking, What exactly is a writer?

Who/ What is a writer?

I always imagined a writer to be someone who lounges around with their laptop and/or tab, a mug of black coffee and glasses on their face(I picked this out of all the movies I’ve watched that have a writer in them), looking all dishevelled and slightly crazy. Words flowing through their entire aura being let out through their finger tips.

Kinda like Johnny Depp when he played Mort Rainey in Secret Window.

b5f920dfd2d4261f253d01441a60c3a0

Thank you google for making my life slightly harder. I put that in the search tab and it brought me a lot of psychological stuff about whether you’re a writer or someone who simply writes. This led me to read through a couple hundred websites about this and now here I am sharing my profound knowledge, if only just so it stops taking up space in my mind.

A writer is, simply put, is someone who can pen down their thoughts onto a piece of paper in a manner that exudes meaning and can be understood by anyone who reads it. Based on this definition, aren’t we all writers then?

a compulsion to write
a love of language
a grasp of grammar and idiom
a wide acquaintance with writing in different genres and from different historical periods
an enormous vocabulary, together with an instinct for choosing words appropriate to context and audience
the ability to write despite discouragement and distractions

So does this apply to you? I know they do to me.

Do your words make people feel involved? Do they evoke emotions and concern? Do the readers flow with the words, like they’re being serenaded by a violin? Do you itch to write almost every second of the day? Do you have multiple pages of multiple books filled with blood, sweat, tears and of course ink? Do you not worry about semantics like How should I begin or where should I begin or is my writing good enough?

Then you might possibly be a writer. Or someone who writes. Screw the internet and the labels though. If you think you’re a writer, then be what you may.

One must be drenched in words, literally soaked in them, to have the right ones form themselves into the proper pattern at the right moment.  ~Hart Crane

And I found this quote which simply spoke to me, wrapped up my “writer” physique in a beautiful little bundle of words and was gifted to my sight.

The writer writes in order to teach himself, to understand himself, to satisfy himself; the publishing of his ideas, though it brings gratification, is a curious anticlimax.  ~Alfred Kazin

 

Elvis Costello and The Attractions- Everyday I Write The Book

Everyday, Everyday, Everyday I write the book

Chapter One we didn’t really get along
Chapter Two I think I fell in love with you
You said you’d stand by me in the middle of Chapter Three
But you were up to your old tricks in Chapters Four, Five and Six

The way you walk
The way you talk, and try to kiss me, and laugh
In four or five paragraphs
All your compliments and your cutting remarks
Are captured here in my quotation marks

Don’t tell me you don’t know the difference
Between a lover and a fighter
With my pen and my electric typewriter
Even in a perfect world where everyone was equal
I’d still own the film rights and be working on the sequel

That’s it from my end of the globe.

From a cool corner of Nairobi,

with love and love and sun and positive vibes,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

Beliefs(4)


Hello darlings.

I hope nothing too major happened between yesterday and today that would dampen your Christmas spirit or your spirit in general. If something did go down, you’ll be alright. Have some positive-a-tea. 😀

And the award for the girl who keeps her word goes to….*drum roll* meeeeeeeeeeee. 🙂

As promised, here’s le finale…la créme de la créme…the cherry topping my icecream, the icing on my cake. Part four baby.

 

Beliefs(part4): LOVE

Hahahaha. I couldn’t not talk about love meeeeehn. It’s like asking me not to be myself, and that’s a tall order yo!

So let’s get into it.

What is love?

love-quotes_807-1.png

Is love suffering through the nights and days, hoping it gets better?

Is it crying yourself to sleep every other night because of some sort of emotional or even physical abuse(p.s. my friend, because you know how great my circle is, did a post about sexual harassment and it’s such an eye opener, so do check her out. Actually all her posts are captivating and simply amazing so check the posts out at https://smirgolbaggins.wordpress.com/)?

Where was I? Yeah, what is love?

Is it I’m in love with you, only when I can see you but the second we’re away from each other, what is a better half?

…Heeeey. Let me take a breather. I’ve jumped the gun too quick.

What is love?

It is selfless and pure.

How else can you explain kids loving their parents? Call it a sense of dependence but at 18, you still think of it as dependence and not love? I mean you are at liberty to leave them and forget them….like thanks guys, it’s been real. Thanks for you know, the past 18years (+9months), sayonara guys.

It is human.

If someone tells you that they don’t know how to love, it’s a farce. But that’s agape love.

Let’s return to that gun we had jumped earlier…(Actually, how is that an acceptable phrase? What do you mean jumping the gun?)

What do you go into a relationship with? What mindset do you have once you fall for someone? Hmm?

Some people were brought up knowing that love is when you clean and cook for your spouse…

Others were told that as long as you bring home the bacon(I could go for some right now actually) then that’s love.

For some, as long as you spend time with each other once a week, but can ignore one another for the rest of the time then you’ve shown your love.

Shall I continue to call out these beliefs?

One story was told about a lady who knew that sex was only after marriage. So she went and got married just so she could have sex…see she also survived under the notion that sex in a relationship is love. So the nights when they didn’t do it, she felt unloved.

Another story is told about a young man who was brought up knowing that gifts are love. So any girl he got with, was showered with presents but he never understood why they didn’t last because he thought he had loved them the only way he knew how.

The final one is that love is persevering. You see that young lady or middle aged woman who can’t speak out because after being assaulted by her better half, she stays there because he says he loves her after? The young man trying to stay focused because some  pretty young thing threatens to castrate him if he leaves so he stays because she says it’s because she loves him?

See, people’s experiences are a great example sometimes. Does any of this ring a bell? Have any of these been at the back/fore front of your mind at any point?

What is love?

Most of us get into the thick of relationships and courtships and eventually marriage with a notion. We fall in love with an ideal so when things go awry, you hold fast because you’re trying to protect that ideal.

What is love?

It is no object. This one should be more than obvious really. Love isn’t an object ergo it cannot be quantified or measured.

It is not a moment. That’s pleasure guys. You cannot love only for a second or a minute because love takes a while to manifest but once it does, it’s even harder to dissolve and let go of/ get rid of.

What is love?

love scrabble

 

In my opinion, because sometimes you learn from experience and observing.

Love is an experience of oneself. You have to be at home with yourself. You have to know yourself and understand yourself before you can dream of loving someone else. Love is how you treat yourself before the facade you put up for others.

Love is being comfortable in each other’s skin. If you find yourself trying to change because of someone for some reason or another, then that is not love. That’s something else entirely. To love someone, you must accept that they are allowed and at liberty to see you for you and not what you want to show.

Love should not hurt. That’s self explanatory really. It should never be hard to love someone, it’s the circumstances and the situations that make it seem like loving is hard. (Have a listen to What is Love by Haddaway….*baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more*)

Love is a feeling, an attitude, an emotion. Love is simply love or as Paulo Coehlo puts it, LOVE SIMPLY IS.

So as you get into the thick of Christmas, show your love. There’s never a time like the present.

I realized that in order to come to terms with oneself and one’s purpose, you need to let go of “falling in love with a notion and an ideal”. Fall in love with love from now on.

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That’s part….: 4 of 4 :…. folks.

I’ve received a touch of feedback from some people and they related to the beliefs series. So if you’re among the tribe, share it with someone who you know needs a bit of mental stimulation. It’s is only through improving yourself that you can better someone else.

Let go of these beliefs that are holding you back.

A belief is a foundation for what we do, it affects how we behave, it’s a force that controls all our decisions.

A belief is a feeling of certainty about what something means and it’s an assumption we make about ourselves, others in the world, and the way we expect it to be.

As a man believeth, then so is he.

So, what are your beliefs?

live your beliefs

With that, my wisdom and writing juice for the year is basically done. Thank you for keeping up with this africangirl, I’ll be sure to show up on your screens soon.

Until then,

Have some New Edition:

Merry Christmas and yall better make merry…and be happy. To my amazing readers who don’t celebrate christmas, Happy holidays my doves.

With love and love, positive vibes and Christmas spirit,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

My Circle(2)


So i’ve had a moment of deep and serious epiphany right now….Why didn’t I call that first post: My Circle(1) _______A Semi Circle? Sigh. I’m hopeless, non?

But it’s heeeeeeerrrrreeeeeeee. The moment sorry post you’ve all been waiting for.

One two, make a circle,

three four, a big circle.

A big circle like a sufuria.

*Memories anyone?*

MY CIRCLE:

In the last post there was a lot about knowing yourself yeah?

Now i’ll delve a little into the world of those in your circle. I can’t tell you what steps to take to choose because it’s life my dove. You need to navigate the ocean of people to catch the yacht before it drifts away with your essence in it.

(Don’t ask me to elaborate my sayings, just acknowledge that they’ve been said.)

The other day I went to a Creative Shindig called Fatuma’s Voice…stop drop and roll. I knew there was spoken word out there but yooooo!!!!!! A whole new level was discovered that eve-night.

The relevance of this statement isn’t for “my life is cooler than yours” shenanigans. It’s the people I came across that are of substance.

I found like-minded people, a select few that I wouldn’t mind getting together for deeper discussions about life and all that it has to offer.

Who is in your circle?

joel osteen

1. Do you have similar goals in mind?

You need to figure out whether or not these elements of your circle have a similar goal in mind. This doesn’t mean that they need to be studying to be great lawyers just like you are or they want to be brilliant hackers so you also need to understand the deeper layers to Java and C++ just to be in their crowd.

I’m talking about success.

Are they motivators or demotivators at the right time? Would they let you know how hard they are working to achieve a certain goal? Are your conversations also inclusive of what you’ll be doing once you graduate and not just about how much you need to go out for a couple of drinks because it’s been a while?

Do they openly tell you when they think an idea you have in mind isn’t going to add up to much and if so, do they give an alternative or do they just tell you “You’re going to fail” and walk away leaving you down in the dumps?(I shall share more about this in a few paragraphs).

Do the elements of your circle only talk about their dreams and how they wish they had certain things yet they do nothing about it so many years down the line? I’m not saying dreams are not valid(seriously, check out the post about dreams, HERE-It’ll be ours) However, there’s a difference between daring to dream and dreaming to dare, the steps you take toward achieving your dreams are what count the most really. I have a friend (a couple of friends actually) that have dreamt of being pilots since they were younger, and the steps they’re taking to get to that level, yo! The validity of Dreams is only palpable in the direction of your actions.

2. Does your circle put you down in order to build themselves up?

surround yourself

Recall the statement about negative comments/ criticism somewhere up there? Let’s deal with it.

They say that “You know you’re doing something great when there’s people trying to dissuade you from pursuing it.” This can clearly be taken out of context but humour me for now.

I know there’s people we keep in our lives just because of the length of time we’ve known them for(Don’t shamelessly ask me about how I had earlier said that I form ties for life). Some of these people are the “Let’s see if she’ll fail type”. Sad but true.

If you have people in your circle who constantly bring in the negative. The nagging conscience that never brings any good fortune afterwards. The type that see you as competition, in what race? I have yet to figure it out but competition no less.

How long will you let yourself be put down just so they’re comfortable?

I call it comfortably toxic relationships.

There’s only so long you can go with blocking their thoughts and comments out but do you want to end up regretting it a few years down the line after you’ve missed countless opportunities to grow? Because we are aiming to grow I should hope? To be better versions of ourselves each day.

I read this post on one of my random, few and wide in between, facebook browse-capades(not a real word but deal with it). It was about a girl, I think, who has a friend that verbally attacked her and when an observer was offering her comfort as she shed her tears of hurt, all she said was that “It’s OK. She didn’t mean it.” (Found it: Elizabeth Gilbert authored this little tale…so if you have the time and patience, do check her Facebook page for interesting posts that focus on life and living it.)

How coincidental is it that I spotted that just as I’m compiling this post about circles and semi-circles?

Point of all this is that, if you have to keep coming to someone’s defence for how sourly they treat you, then my dove, is there a point to keeping that negative energy in your life? Error is to human just green is to the leaves of a tree but even during the summer, these same leaves turn yellow and brown….so you shouldn’t stick to the errors of your ways.

let go

3. Do you allow yourselves to grow?

I keep repeating the same words: growth and energy. I hope I don’t sound like a broken record here.

In life, the social nature of a human being dictates that there will always be a desire to change; be it yourself, your career, your mind, your life, your friends. So it only goes to predict that somewhere along the line, a rift can show up in a friendship when this desire comes along. Would your circle allow you to spread your wings and be part of yet another circle? Or will they pull a “No new friends” / “It’s them or us” or shun you when you let them know about the other circle?

you can't sit with us

You can’t sit with us

(first off dear internet, who did this? secondly, how cool is this?)

Do circles make you a better person? Do they tear you down before building you up? Do they act as a barrier between yourself and the growth potential that is budding within you?

(p.s remember multiple parts aka series vibe I have going on here…do expect another i.e. the finale of this My Circle series soon.)

Second instalment. Watch this space my doves.

Hellos and How are yous…I skipped this at the beginning. I’m sorry *hugs*

**The Circle of Life***

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

with love and love and friendly vibes galore,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love*

My Circle (1)


Hello my doves.

Temporary hiatus over…dealing with life is kinda difficult non? But alas, we gotta do what we gotta do.

How are you all?

Amazing and filled with positive energy I hope? Cooler than the frosting on my cupcakes is what I am.

I’ve been reading about this alot really. My eyes just happen to be drawn to these articles about friendships and living life and circles and I figured, it’s a sign. I’ll write about it and see how that goes. So, here we are.

Happy July my doves.

MY CIRCLE:

A circle is defined in the dictionary of the English language as:

cir·cle
ˈsərk(ə)l/
noun
noun: circle; plural noun: circles; noun: cir.; noun: circ.
a round plane figure whose boundary (the circumference) consists of points equidistant from a fixed point
  (the center).

It can also be defined by “us new-age kids” as the people who you surround yourself with…which coincidentally, is also in the dictionary as follows:

cir·cle
ˈsərk(ə)l/
noun
a group of people with shared professions, interests, or acquaintances.
“she did not normally move in such exalted circles”
synonyms: group, set, company, coterie, clique;

**This is not turning into English 101 so please, calm your body organs.

Jim Rohn said that You are the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with.

jimrohn_

Circle:

Like I said, I’ve been reading all about company lately. Pretty interesting and eye-opening articles that are bookmarked, read and consequently deleted or forgotten.

foolsaccompany fools

To figure out your circle, you need to clear up a couple queries:

~Who are You?

You know in order to make friends, you have to sell yourself to someone in a certain way. We all know about first impressions right? The impression you give off, determines who gets roped into the attraction game of friendship.

I attended a class that talked about the 30 second elevator pitch. Basically, you’re in a corporate environment and you happen to get onto the same elevator as the CEO of the company. With an average of 30 seconds till you get to your floor or their floor, what information can you give up to leave a lasting impression? A friendship basically starts on the same grounds I guess. You have a few seconds of eyeing each other up before even one word leaves your mouth…Will what spews from your mouth be enchanting enough to drag people into your life or repel them?

My body is attracted to your body but when you speak, my brain gets angry

My body is attracted to your body but when you speak, my brain gets angry

How do you culture the right circle? Actually, how do you culture the right anything? Know Yourself first….or rather, know your 4 selves as I had stipulated in an earlier post, HERE. The beginning of a union starts with one person; that person needs to at least have a semblance of themselves before getting into the union.

think to be

~What type of energy do you project?

This goes hand-in-hand with the “Knowing yourself”.

If you constantly think negative or do negative things, then you attract that exact energy towards yourself. Ever wonder why sometimes when you feel pushed beyond the threshold of what you can acceptably handle, and you think about not being able to succeed, you start to notice the little things the people in your circle do that lead them and are now leading you to a certain end? Sorry, did that make any sense? In simpler terms, negative attracts negative just as positive attracts positive…*ignoring all you physics majors…life isn’t physics bro. Don’t give me that opposites attract narrative.*

When you’re positive, more so in your thoughts, you start to notice the compliments, you start to take in the brightness of the sun even when there is an absence of warmth, you begin to realize that there’s more than enough things in the lives of those in your circle that you need to appreciate more often.

Also, you realize and can clearly identify what you want from a friendship and what your circle wants from you.

energies

~Short term? Long term? Term?

What are your short term goals? What are your long term goals? Where do you see yourself in five years?

Sorry, I was watching Think Like A Man today and these lines are stuck in my head.

Any who, realize that some circles have a shorter lifespan than others. It’s always up to you to figure out just what that span is. I’ll take the example of guys who drink. You have probably changed drink-circles enough times, because at one point or another you realize that hey! this is not one to last for after this round, or after this period.

Always know the lifespan.

I’m a friend lover. I tend to insist that once were friends, you can’t get rid of me. I’ll be around you in whatever capacity. You can’t start something with the notion that it won’t last because now that you’ve sent it out to the universe, then it won’t last. It’s like doing an exam and thinking about how you’ll fail, well it’s no surprise when you do fail even though you had made the effort to study. Your mindset controls everything you do.

Always figure out when it’s time to sever ties even when your heart doesn’t feel up to the task. You don’t sit in a sinking ship because you know you can hold your breath under water.

_____End of_____

______Part One______

This is a multi-part kind of post.

A circle holds so much information. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket they say. >>Irrelevant maybe<<

 

In the meantime, here’s that lion king jam that gives you all the good vibes:

***The Circle of Life***

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

with love and love and friendly vibes galore,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

Another “Vantage” Point


rabbit hol

 

i’ve been mentally abused.

My abuser? Someone that I know.

Someone that I see in the mirror each time I look into it.

Someone that i’m living life for but seems unappreciative.

Someone whose thoughts warrant my listening.

Someone whose approval I crave.

….That someone is ME.

I hold enough power to destroy myself from within.

I stand at the best vantage point to do this and I do take advantage.

Because there’s no better way to destroy something than to kill it internally.

Kill is a strong word.

But it has to be said as is.

Am I too hard on myself?

Yes, I AM.

 

sword thoughts

How do you overcome this?

You can’t block out your thoughts can you?

So sometimes you end up lashing out at someone else;

Because they’ve said something that sounds insanely close to what you’ve been thinking,

Because they’re doing something that brought you back into the shell that is your thoughts,

Because they’ve finally discovered what a “nutcase” you are,

Because you’ve decided to link everything in a broad network of interconnected yet unrelated thoughts,

Because you’ve decided to do as they tend to call it “Overthinking”,

Because once something is put out into the universe, it can’t be taken back,

Because you would rather live in your own world than let other people in on your suffering,

Because you would rather not be the proverbial burden,

Because this thing called life always just goes on….

hanging on

thoughts

*Reader Discretion. Some of the pieces i put up will leave you on the throes of a breakdown. But then again, once I’m done,  you will learn to realize that the little things to you tend to be the big things to other people.  Pace Yourselves.*

(part 2 of 4)

Like i said,, at the end of part 4,,,it shall be explained. so Indulge your minds …or not… 🙂

 

and just listen to this random song that is so coolo and hippy.esc:

 The Head And The Heart – Lost In My Mind

 

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

 

View From Within


ThomasI woke up one morning,

Eyes wide shut mouth widely yawning,

But something wasn’t right..

My light had gotten dimmer.

The darkness consumed me.

I’d felt the change from deep within.

A paradigm shift that was unseen.

My ball of positivity put out like a flame in the wind.

The hidden negativity came out to play.

I was weak.

My mind simply accepted the change and revelled in it.

Basked in the glory of the sadness that were my emotions.

One bad move after another.

Eating? Never that important.

Communication? Not very effective.

Happiness? Apparent only please.

Life? Is it worth it?

I used to hear talk about depression and think really?

But my mind can now comprehend exactly what that is.

The world is an unkind place.

You speak out and get called pretender.

You keep it in and get labelled the quiet emo.

You resort to painting your body and get called an attention seeker.

Worse still, you put on a fake smile and the world will not sense the loss of your happiness.

So you sit alone in the dark at night and cry.

But when crying gets too unfulfilling,

You turn to your body.

Find a sharp object so that you can have an outlet for all those pent up emotions and confusion.

First strike and the pain gives you a sense of freedom.

Second strike and the pain is like a drug.

On the third go, you feel better.

Then you tell yourself that this is the last time that you’ll paint your body.

Because it is art, isn’t it?

And we all love art don’t we?

The scars remind us of how bad it can get…

ergo, they also remind us of how good an artist we can be right?

**Oh right…not funny i suppose?**

I’ve learnt not to judge people for the things they do because who am i?

No really, WHO AM I?

and in what right am i to judge their actions without walking through their shoes?

Without actually going out of my way to find out the cause of their distress?

Without casting them aside saying, you know there are people out there with bigger problems?

Bigger problems?

*PAUSE*

Why do people tell you there are bigger problems out there?

So apparently because there are people out there with more serious problems then you shouldn’t feel burdened?

But they don’t tell you that you should never be happy because there’s someone out there feeling happier than you are, do they?

*UNPAUSE*

But my world shifted again and like a dove i feel free.

Happy and positive even.

Life can’t always be rainbows and butterflies.

Pain that runs way too deep.

I wish I had someone to talk to.

About nothing and everything.

Simply because my own thoughts are suffocating.

Introverts and extroverts alike.

All in the same boat.

So won’t you talk to me?

Call me and say a meaningless hello every now and then?

Simply don’t let me be alone with my thoughts.

.Part 1 of 4.

*Reader Discretion. Some of the pieces i put up will leave you on the throes of a breakdown. But then again, once I’m done,  you will learn to realize that it’s the little things that tend to matter the most.  Pace Yourselves.*

Whitney Houston _ Didn’t Know My Own Strength.

All my love,

Hellos and Goodbyes and How are you doings?,

From a cool little corner of Nairobi,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

Things On My Mind


positivefuturist20130618x

 

I’m confused because my mind is in a void,

Because I woke up in the morning to news of a fallen soldier.

 

I’m distressed,,,why am I still alive?

Yet a child that would’ve been greater than myself did not survive,

His body did not thrive.

 

My heart aches.

For the children in the streets,

That have a concrete floor for seats,

And lack proper bed sheets.

 

I’m amazed, at life that’s all there is.

Two polar opposites coming together for success.

Sorry I digress,

But then again, some things I must confess.

My life is not all rainbows and butterflies.

I’m a troubled soul with no salvation in sight,

I’m a troubled soul walking the earth surrounded by fellow troubled souls.

 

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My brain is riddled with thoughts,

Thoughts that someone my age should not attract,

Company that someone my age is told to “subtract”,

With whom we shouldn’t interact.

But the heart wants what the heart wants, right?

Looking for love in all the wrong places,

Falling in defeat when the love you find is not that which you seek.

Yet out there,,,there’s hope that you’ll get stronger,

Become the survivor.

Make proud your mother.

Live to love

 

I need a castle in the sky,

To hide away when I need to simply lie,

there and do nothing,

 

I need a vacation from myself.

I need a vacation from this life.

I feel way too unlucky at this point in time.

I feel like I’m being reprimanded for a crime.

Like my life is suddenly sour-lime,

But then again, these are simply feelings.

 

I’m confused

Because my mind is in a void

Because I woke up to the news of a fallen soldier,

And that soldier, I now realize, is me.

 

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But I’m all about those Positive Thoughts.

Positive Vibes.

Positive Auras.

 

It’s not your thoughts that determine who you are,

but what you do about those thoughts.

 

Katy Perry – Choose Your Battles

 

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

 

Memoires Of A Younger Sister


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Dear Big Sister,

 

Having an elder sister such as yourself to provide an amazing beacon of hope for me through my formative years is simply godsend.

I’ll forever be grateful for the random times we shared and will share together.

When I was younger and had nightmares, it was your bed that I would jump into.

When I was in primary school looking lost and tiny, you introduced me to your group of friends and I was everyone’s little sister for a couple of years…yeah,,, I knew class eights when I was in class one so bullies didn’t stand a chance.

When I’d selected schools to go to for either secondary or university, mum would say that you had the same choices in mind…which can only be possible because we share that sister-sister telepathy.

 

I remember when I used to steal your clothes and wear them outside because all I had in my closet were shorts, t-shirts and sweatpants…none of the pretty pretty tops and dresses… and when you found out, you’d get so mad and then I would tell you that I hadn’t taken them. And then hours later you would have forgiven me and all was right with the world again…until the next petty fight we’d have. An endless cycle.

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All my friends, back then, knew who you were and at any one point in time, if they saw you outside they would rush back and tell me “I saw your sister and she said Hi to me”.

 

So many girls out there with sisters, cry foul and complain that they grew up in their sister’s shadow…but that has never come into my mind.

I was born into a world that you had already taken over by storm and a couple of years later a tiny kinky haired baby girl was set in-front of your path and the universe told you to lead her the right way…a protege of sorts.

 

It didn’t take you too long to claim that I was your own kid. Mum probably used to sit and laugh as she watched how you handled the “doll(Me)” and stole my cerelac(yes, I have heard this story….) and it had to be replaced with mashed pumpkins. (eeeeeew).

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There’s never enough words to express all these years of surviving on this earth with an amazing role-model as yourself.

 

You protected me from my brothers when they forgot the fact that I was a girl and partly fragile when it comes to being hit in the face by a football.

 

Sharing your things with me was a mandatory(because little sister privilege) but that changed over the years and now I’m the one who gets annoyed because you took my stuff without asking…and then I later stop to think and I realize that “Hey, you’re my sister,,,I used your stuff through half of my life so returning the favor is a given(because karma/law of the universe)”.

 

You sparked my love for life, music(ok, maybe not neo-soul though), beauty and all things enriching to the soul. Like the moon to a lost soul in the dark, you were my guide through the years.

 

When I think of courage, I think of you. When I think of love, I think of you. When I think of respect, I think of you.

But you probably already know this.

Where your life is at, is how I see my life in a couple of years.

I’ll always look up to you.

 

The first girl(notice i said girl and not woman because that spot is for mummy)…so the first girl I knew was my best-friend even when I played with boys and came home with clothes caked in mud instead of playing doll house with the other girls.

 

Though that changed when we became sort-of obsessed with Gilmore girls and sister-sister(remember Tia and Tamera)

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You’ll always accept me regardless because you know that when it comes down to it, you fit the meaning of “MY RIDE OR DIE Chick“.

 

And so you’ll probably read this in the office and start gushing and whatever,,,nope,,,I’ll not say this to your face just so you know. And I shall act as I always do,,,with the mindset that emotions are “icky” and should never be shown. However, gifts are accepted,,,jewellery, shoes. Thanks. 😉

 

I’ll say this quietly and so softly you might never hear it because I hope you already know. I’ll say it in the way I worry for you when you haven’t been in contact for a while. I’ll say it at night when I whisper your blessings into the darkness that swallows up my words. I’ll say nothing at all because there’s nothing left when you try to articulate something more than gratitude.

 

Just know that I shall forever love you, and I approve of all that makes you happy because infinitely it makes me happy as well in a round about way.

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I used to despise being called your little sister but now that I’ve discovered the real gem that it is growing up with a treasure such as yourself, the name can stay.

 

 

With love,

Your little-not-so-little sister,

Your annoying younger sister that all your friends insist is ever the sweetheart,

That little girl who considers you her mentor/role model/I wanna be like you when I grow up,

calm

 

*Disclaimer: It was one of those sentimental mornings and I simply felt like I needed to acknowledge such a pillar of positivity and awesomeness. Blame it on the oestrogen.

 

enjoy

Sister Sister soundtrack

AND:

The Cheetah Girls –Sisters

Our spots are different
Different colors
We make each other stronger
That ain’t ever gonna change

 

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

Emancipation of the Mind


Try hard as we may,

No-one listens to the things we have to say,

Nothing seems to go our way

But then again, that’s more than okay.

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It simply allows us to realize,

The meaning hidden deep beneath the eyes.

One need not be overly wise,

To surmise,

To deduce exactly what it is that we despise,

Call out the real lies,

That would have otherwise led to the untimely demise…

 

Of our creativity.

You see,

Our reliance on other people’s opinions,

Has led to their constant dominions,

Over a multitude of decisions,

We make.

A day or a century it may take,

But eventually we will find break-

-through and our minds will be our own,

In our names these thoughts will be sewn,

No-one shall take away the throne,

All through space and time it shall be known.

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That we are the generation that’s discovered,

How to break away from self-loathing,

How to shame the doom- and hear-sayers,

How to step back from mind control du monde

Sorry “Of the World” for those of us that find English more fond.

 

No more seeking approval from others,

Approval that in the end never really matters,

Break the chain from our fore-fathers,

Start a trend different from another’s.

A new generation of free-thinkers.

 

 

e·man·ci·pate
/iˈmansəˌpāt/
verb
verb: emancipate; 3rd person present: emancipates; past tense: emancipated; past participle: emancipated; gerund or present participle: emancipating

  • set free, esp. from legal, social, or political restrictions.

“the citizen must be emancipated from the obsessive secrecy of government”synonyms: liberated, independent, unconstrained, uninhibited;

  • free from slavery.

“it is estimated that he emancipated 8,000 slaves”synonyms: free, liberate, set free, release, deliver, discharge; More
unchain, unfetter, unshackle, untie, unyoke;
raredisenthrall
antonyms: enslave

 

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Cheers lovers, thinkers, pursuers,

.theafricangirl.

*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂

 

p.s. 50 posts guys,,,that’s a whole lot of content. 🙂 #TheAfricanGirlAt50….no? 😀 😀

Take care lovelies.