Hello Bosses.
*See what I did there? I spoke life. You can’t come at me for calling you guys bosses because you’re a boss whether you acquiesce to the title or not.
It’s been a minute non? I’m sorry. I have a valid reason but whether you’ll get to hear it all simply depends on what therapists would call a healing process.
I hope you’ve been alright for the past…what has it been 2 months?
Happy October guys. The year is almost up and for some heaven on earth reason, I’m really looking forward to the end of this year.
We’re at the third instalment of Circles non?
My Circle (1) was about knowing yourself first.
My Circle (2) was in a nutshell about the people in your circle.
And here we are about to get into My Circle (3)…
…does this remind you of those series that have never-ending seasons? ….
MY CIRCLE:
My circle is great.
My circle is powerful.
My circle is real.
I’ll be going into a bit about support systems.
What does your circle do for you and what do you do for them?
I’ve been having the most conflicting emotions about people lately. I was having a weird and completely random heart to heart with one of the radii to my circle(i really do crack myself up more than is considered normal). So in this heart to heart, I talked about what people do when you need their presence and they keep coming up with excuses as to why they can’t make it.
**disclaimer: some of these views are a mix between what people have told me and what my people have been told in such situations.**
I have literally heard them all.
Number one being: I just haven’t found the time. I keep saying I’ll come by but something else always comes up.
So many people said this to me and my response was always, thank you for the concern. You can’t keep telling people that something came up, yet you won’t say what that something is. Personally, I would want to hold a grudge for years and years about it but I realize that it’s such a bother to waste yourself getting annoyed about such matters. Sometimes, you need to evaluate people. You may hold them close to you but they keep you at arms length. Is there anything you can do to change that? Not really.
Just don’t expect an outcome from people who never show that they’ll be there in the long or even in the short-run.
Instead, thank them for at least taking the time to communicate with you. It really is the least you can do. Because you don’t think about it, but it actually does hurt you more if they remain quiet rather than at least make an effort to talk to you.
Also, are you one of these? I admit, to some people I may be a touch off-handed with them. It’s easier to think that by remaining mute, that they won’t realize it. Once again, life is a never ending book of lessons and with this in mind, I’m learning to pick up the phone more, shoot people a few messages every now and then, ask for schedules so we can link up if not for food, then just so we can see each other and believe that we’re not just alive, but we are living.
Support:
The common phrase tends to be >> I’ve got your back like a bra strap <<
Well, have we looked at the uncertainties of the different types of bra straps?
(How much of a coincidence is it that this is being said during Breast Cancer Awareness month? It has nothing to do with it but it’s an interesting observation, non?)
Transparent straps:
Does this mean that you’ve got my back even though you know I don’t know that you’ve got it? Wait what? English is such a tricky language though. What I think I was trying to put across there is that are your supports transparent?
In the sense that they’ll only support you when noone else knows? Ergo, they don’t want to be known to support you?
Also, it can be taken in the sense that they simply don’t want you to know they’re helping you. One of those guardian angel type friends. They only come around when they know you really need them. I have a couple of these in my life. I love and appreciate them more than they think I do. The random Positive Vibes messages show it.
I should think I act the same to certain people as well.
It’s a give and take world. What you take from one person must be given to another in one way or another.
Normal straps(the ones you can clearly see):
These are the people in your circle who support you and it’s known to everyone who you interact with often. The ones you mention and spill almost all your nonsense to on a daily/often basis. They won’t only show up
Strapless:
Well, they don’t show it but they’re there. They’re the band that keeps you together I should think. The extra row of elastic that’s there; giving you an illusion of you being able to do it all by yourself but still push their support especially when you don’t know it. The type to randomly ask you if you’re fine, even after you haven’t spoken in ages. It’s as though there’s a connection and signal in the universe that they grasp onto and happen to text you jsut when you’re feeling out of it, tired, beaten down, finished. And the best part of it is that they give you hope. They remind you that it gets better.
The point here is to be able to show support when you’re needed to and to be shown the same concern and support.
For a while, we all want to suffer in silence.
We all want to feel like there’s nothing that can be done to alleviate the feelings running wild in our beings. Truth is, nothing can take them away really. Noone else feels exactly how you feel. Noone else comlpetely understands what you’re going through.
I guess I could term it as being unique yeah? We’re all different human beings regardless of how we are connected, we still have different hearts, minds, bodies, souls and the way our mind works, the way our rationality is set up is completely different from another person.
As always, people always ask me why I smile when everyone else is down; Why I try to lighten up the mood when someone else is asking for comfort…
I guess what I’m trying to put across here is that when you’re trying to support someone, don’t play the empathy card, don’t play the “It happened to me too and this is how it felt”….because as I mentioned, we process things very differently. When people are going through a rough patch, be the light and not the surrounding shadows. Be the wick that can be lit rather than the wax that holds the wick up.
But I guess, to each his own, non?
Support is everything in this world. I hardly realized it but with the way life sets you up, one way or another even the most independent people need someone who’s got their back.
We all want someone to say / show that they’ve got your back.
And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.
Love and Love,
From a cool corner of Nairobi,
From a young girl trying to earn her wings,
*Mapenzi.Love* 🙂
.theafricangirl.
theafricangirl 